Things Change
by Brucatul-grl
Summary: TommyLil were the it couple..until he o years later he comes back..with a secret, but he's not the same Tommy everyone knew. Why did he leave? He's avoiding Lil yet he's possessive of her, and now he's going out with the head cheerleader?
1. Chapter 1

"_Hurry up _Lil, the bus is going to be here any second! You don't want to be late on the first day of school!" Betty screamed from the bottom of the stairs.

"I'll be there soon!" Lil yelled back, as she dug through her bottom drawer furiously. She knew she had left her headband in there. Lil cursed loudly when she felt something prickle her pinky. She retrieved her hand quickly, noticing a splotch of blood forming.

Lil put her bruised pinky in her mouth, and looked down to the cause of this abuse.

Lil sucked in her breath, as she picked up the framed picture. The glass over it had broken from being in the drawer for god knows how long, and having things shoved over it.

Lil took a huge breath before clearing the glass over it, revealing a picture from the past.

It was of her with him. He had his arms around her waist tightly, while her hands had been draped around his neck. They were in a passionate lip lock, unaware of the picture being taken.

Lil felt a bitter smile play on her lips.

It was from two Christmas's ago. They were in his house, under the mistletoe he had cleverly planted

Lil shook her head dismissively; _she had been so happy back then._ _She had foolishly thought her life would be perfect. She had thought she was in love… she had thought she was loved. _

Lil grimaced at how naïve she had been. First year of high school, having the football quarterback boyfriend, it had all seemed so perfect. They had known each other their whole lives, their parents showered them with attention, letting their approval be known.

Everyone considered them the cutest couple. Everyone wanted a relationship like theirs. Tons wanted to be them. Little did they know, little did anyone know the way they'd turn out.

Sure they had their arguments, but their affection for each other always won out. They were the _it _couple in every way.

They were both considered popular and hot. Their looks very envied. Neither was conceited. Lil never tried to dominate anyone or put anyone down, and neither did he.

They were always loyal to each other. They only had eyes for each other, even though many crushed on the two.

Their parents approved. Their families were tight. Everything was going for them.

Lil was on top of the world, she had their whole life planned. They would go through high school together, and then to college, and eventually get married.

But she had never expected the darkness that clouded her life.

One day, she woke up to find that he was gone.

No, he hadn't died, or anything of that sort.

He just left town. He left his family and friends all behind, and ran away.

For weeks, Lil cried herself to sleep every night, and woke with new hope of his return, until one day she got a text message from him.

Lil could still remember the message word for word.

_Thanks for the great times. _

_Later Lil._

And that was it. There was no explanation, no nothing. He just threw that line in her face after everything they had together.

"LILLIAN, THE BUS IS OUTSIDE, GET DOWN HERE RIGHT _NOW_!"

Lil was startled at the rude interruption of her thoughts.

She brushed away the single tear that lingered in her eye, throwing the frame face down in the drawer, and shutting it.

All thoughts of the headband forgotten, Lil grabbed her purse and made for the bus…

**A/n it's been a while since I've written a Rugrats fic. I hope you guys enjoy the first chapter, and leave behind a review telling me what you think. **


	2. Chapter 2

Lil sighed in frustration as she pulled the strap of her purse up her arm again.

Kimi laughed, "Honestly, you've done that for the hundredth time now,"

Lil rolled her eyes nodding, "It's so annoying." She stated wryly, "Anyways, what classes do we have together again?"

"Um, we have… English and Bio," Kimi assured, comparing their schedules.

"What about you and your lover boy?" Lil teased.

Kimi frowned, "Me and Phil broke up two months ago," she stated.

Lil laughed, "Yeah but you two still act the same. Remember how jealous he got when you were flirting with Sean, _which _might I add, you totally did on purpose. Plus, you went crazy when that new girl asked Phil out,"

Kimi blushed, "Yeah well, it's over between us, we're just friends now,"

Lil rolled her eyes, "Totally believe you Kim," she assured sarcastically.

"Well… I heard that a certain Mr. Lucas has been calling you a lot recently?"

"Yeah… he's pretty cute," she stated nodding, "But I'm not really into the jocks, they're all just stupid players," Lil whispered under her breath.

Kimi dropped it, knowing what she was referring to.

"Alright, I'll meet you in English," she stated, turning the hall towards her first class.

Lil sighed, nearing her Hospitality class. When she entered, she spotted Chuckie right away. He was leaning against the back wall, chewing gum.

Lil sat at a table in the back, motioning Chuckie over.

"Seriously Chuckie, you're in _my _class?"

"You know," he shrugged carelessly.

Lil clucked her tongue in disapproval. Chuckie's marks had been so high the year before; he could've easily gotten into a good college. And that was his plan… before he started dating Angelica.

Angelica was the typical bad girl. She hardly attended any classes, she was the center of all the popular jams, and all her teachers hated her. That's why, it was such a surprise for everyone when she started going out with the biggest nerd from the good guys.

Lil didn't think much of it at first, but when Chuckie slowly started skipping his classes, and adapted her _don't-care _attitude, that's when she took concerned notice.

But still, if he had really wanted, he still could've gotten into a college, but Angelica couldn't, she was failing all her classes and would have to stay back in high school. That was when Chuckie gave the biggest sacrifice that Lil never expected. He purposely didn't go to any of his exams, and failed along with Angelica.

Chuckie and Angelica now easily the most popular couple in school. Chuckie changed completely. Angelica helped him get a much needed makeover, and now, girls actually drooled over him. Plus, being Angelica's boyfriend really added an attraction level.

"Oh god, its Lucas," Lil whispered, when she saw him enter the class with a few other guys.

Lil tried ducking her head to hide herself, but he had already spotted her.

"Hey Lil," he acknowledged grinning. He leaned down to her, so now their eyes were at level, "I guess this class won't be that bad after all," he stated to his friend smirking.

Lil smiled awkwardly, and turned away from his intense gaze.

Lucas smiled, as he led his friends to a table close by.

Lil groaned, she hated having a table full of jocks right beside them. They never shut up, and always make rude/funny remarks at the most irritating times.

It was so weird how drastically her opinion changed. Two years ago, everything about them made her smile. Now, she couldn't stand the littlest of habits of theirs.

The class slowly filled up, and soon their teacher stood in front of them.

"Hello class,"

They all mumbled a weak response.

The teacher didn't take any notice and continued her speech.

"Today, with us, we have a new student."

No one looked up, and continued with there own little conversations.

"Well not new _new_, he claims to have gone here before. And I would like for all of us to welcome him into our school and our class,"

When no one responded, the teacher sighed, "You may take a seat wherever you like."

"So, I heard you got booked making out with Angelica in your basement?" Lil whispered to Chuckie.

He snickered, "Oh man, if you had seen them. I literally thought they would explode. They were mad pissed,"

Lil shook her head giggling, "I can just imagine your parent's faces, especially your dad,"

Chuckie nodded his head, smiling.

Lil felt irritated when she felt someone sit beside her. She liked having the table for her and Chuckie only.

She rolled her eyes at Chuckie in annoyance. Chuckie shook his head smirking, as he turned to spit his gum at Lucas's back.

Lil gasped, her hand flying up to cover her mouth.

"_Chuckie!_" she hissed.

Chuckie pretend not to hear her, and looked up at the teacher.

Lil shook her head in disapproval, trying to contain a giggle.

"C'mon babe, I'm waiting for you to notice me already,"

Lil frowned, turning to the person beside her. Lil's mouth fell open, and her heart stopped.

"Tommy,"

**A/n r&r Quick update eh ? (H) **


	3. Chapter 3

"Tommy," Lil repeated again slowly, not able to register it.

It was him, that was certain, but he didn't look anything like himself.

He was dressed in black baggy pants, with a white wife beater and a black jacket thrown over. His hair were now jet black and spiked up. Even his face was different, the face that was usually wearing a smile and radiated warmth, was now supporting a smirk, and an _I don't care_, persona.

He was rocking the bad boy image, and it left Lil in shock.

_Two years. It had been two years since she'd seen him. Two years where she was left wondering what had happened, what she had done wrong to make him want to leave. She had called him so many times, she had text him as well, but she got no other response. To make matters worse, he would often call his parents, and have long drawn out conversations with them, but he never asked about her, or left a msg for her. _

"Yeah, you got the name right. What's with the pale face, it's like you've seen a ghost." He commented, winking at her.

"I..." Lil trailed on.

But Tommy had averted his eyes and was now looking at Chuckie, "Hey Chuck, what are you suppose to be? Halloween already passed, you don't have to wear the gangster look anymore,"

Chuckie glanced at him, "Right back at ya," he muttered, before turning back to his cell, where he was busy texting Angelica.

Chuckie, who had also been very hurt by Tommy's abrupt disappearance, had moved on. He wasn't that boy anymore. He wasn't the guy that needed Tommy for everything.

Tommy raised his brow at Lil, who was still speechless, "I see a lot has changed," he muttered slyly.

Lil felt her heart beat a thousand times faster then it should've. So many things going through her.

_He's back. He's back? Why is he back? _

She felt so many emotions.

"Um may I be excused?" Lil asked the teacher. When the teacher nodded, Lil quickly grabbed her stuff, and quickly exited the room, not looking back.

_I can't go back in there. I can't face him. I can't._

Lil hid away in the bathroom for the rest of the period, and when the bell finally rang, she waited until the rush cleared out before making her way to her next class.

She sat beside Kimi, out of breath.

"What happened Lil, make out session with Lucas?" she teased, but when she saw Lil's freakishly pale face, she frowned, "Lil-..."

"He's back. Oh god Kim, he's _back_," Lil whispered.

"Who's back?"

"_Him._"

Kimi took in Lil's color drained face and slightly shaking fingers, before it finally registered. Kimi's hands shot to her mouth in shock, "What? Are you serious?"

Lil glared at her, "Do you really think I would joke about this?"

"Oh god, it's just... are you sure? I mean, it's been-..."

"Two years,"

"Where did you see him?"

"He came and sat beside me in Hospitality. He's so different Kimi, he's not the same guy. You have to see him, that's not _my_Tommy. He's so different." Lil stammered, "He was so weird."

"Did you guys talk? Did you ask him why he left?"

"No. Are you joking, I couldn't even _talk_. I just left the class and stayed in the bathroom all period. And Chuckie was beside me. He didn't even care that Tommy was there. He just ignored him."

Kimi frowned, "Wow. I mean... wow."

Lil shook her head, "I feel so stupid. I don't know what I'll do if I saw him again. Oh god, I don't want to do this. Why couldn't he just stay gone. Like he didn't look sorry or explain anything. He acted like he hadn't just disappeared for two years and left me without any explanations."

Kimi shook her head, "I just, I don't know what to say. I've seen what he did to you, I saw you hurting. I don't know how he could justify that."

"Lil, Kimi, is there anything you want to share with the class?"

They both looked up at the teacher startled, forgetting about being in class.

"Um no, sorry Ms." Kimi answered quickly.

"Well then, pay attention, unless you guys know everything, and in that case may come up here and teach the class."

Kimi shook her head, picking up her textbook and flipping to the correct page.

"Lil?"

Kimi looked at Lil who looked lost.

"_Page 76 Lil, turn to page 76," _She hissed.

Lil didn't move for a second, until Kimi elbowed her under the table, causing Lil to sit up and quickly turn to the right page, "Sorry Ms."

The techer went back to her desk, and started explaining about an assignment she was giving out.

Neither of the girls spoke for the rest of the period.

When it was finally lunch, Lil struggled to open her locker quickly. She didn't want to be there anymore, she was ready to go home.

But before she could get her locker open, she felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist.

Lil froze, her breath getting stuck in her throat. Her heart thumping wildly in her chest.

"Tommy," She muttered, pushing the hands off her and turning around. But was surprised to meet a pair of deep blue eyes that belonged to someone else.

"Lucas?"

"Hey babe, I'm actually hurt. How would you like it if I called out another girl's name. I thought we were closer then that." he teased, with mock hurt.

Lil plastered on a fake smile, trying to relax her racing heart, "And who told you we were closer then that?"

Lucas smirked, leaning in to her, "Aren't we?"

Lil put her hands on his chest, keeping some distance, "It's not _that_ easy to get close to me,"

"I _love_ when girls play hard to get," he whispered, backing up a little, but his hands still rested on Lil's waist, "So anyways, who is this Tommy guy?"

"That's me," Tommy stated, walking up them.

Lil winced, as Tommy firmly took Lucas's hands off her, "And I don't want to see you touching her ever again."

**A/n Sorry for the long delay, my computer crashed and it took awhile to get a proper new one. Just yesterday I read the first two chapters again and I decided to continue it. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, much to come.**


	4. Chapter 4

Lucas raised his brow, "What? She's your sister or something,"

"No, and it's none of your business what she is to me, now get the hell out of here," Tommy stated coolly.

_Tommy wasn't like that… or the Tommy she knew wasn't like that. He was always calm and collected; no one had to fear him. He was nice to everyone, even if he didn't like them. This new Tommy was so different. His eyes were so cold and hard, that even Lucas didn't want to get into it with him. _

Lucas just simply smirked, "See ya later babe," He threw at Lil, as he joined a crowd of his jock friends. The guys that had once been Tommy's friends, but after Tommy left, Lucas had come new to the school last year, automatically becoming the football captain and becoming the leader of their jock crew.

Lil glared at Tommy, too angry to feel tongue tied, "H-How DARE you!"

Tommy rolled his eyes, "Your _welcome!_"

"What?!"

"I got him away from you; it was obvious you didn't want him near you," Tommy stated, yawning slightly.

_Who the hell is this? Does he NOT remember that he left me, why is he acting like this?_

Lil just shook her head angrily, "Tommy you don't know me," She snapped, but then she softened, the longing she felt for him and the love she still carried creeping into her, "Are you going to come over after school… to talk," She asked, angry at herself for being the one to initiate the long waited conversation.

_He should have been the one asking me._

Tommy shrugged, "Do you have anything to say?"

Lil felt confused, "What do you mean?"

"Well to talk, someone has to have something to say. And I don't, so what do you have to say?" He said slowly, as if talking to a two year old.

Lil scowled, "You're such an asshole," She muttered, turning briskly and walking away from him.

Lil hugged herself tightly, _what the hell was going on? Why was he treating her like that, why didn't he want to explain? What the hell happened to the Tommy she knew._

Lil stepped into her room, a tear forming in her eye. She brushed it away furiously.

"_Well to talk, someone has to have something to say. And I don't"_

How could he not have anything to say? They were so perfect together, _how could he just leave her? _When he finally comes back, he doesn't even bother with an explanation?

Lil rummaged through her desk drawer until she came to her two year old yearbook. She flipped through the pages quickly, until she landed on the one she had wanted to see.

It was a picture of her and Tommy, under the caption _Cutest Couple._

_Flashback :_

_Lil folded the paper neatly, before turning around and putting the note on Tommy's desk. _

_Tommy grinned, as he opened the note and the letters came into view._

"_Stop taking pictures of me!" – L_

_Tommy smiled, looking down at his phone, where he had clicked many surprise pictures of Lil throughout the day. He would call out to her, and the second she turned towards him, he would quickly click a picture of her. It had been his amusement for the day, and plus the pictures came out of her natural cute reactions._

"_Why? I like taking pictures… well your pictures;)"_

_He threw it at Lil's desk, and looked through the pictures again. He couldn't help but smile, the first one was her coming into school, the beautiful smile that lit up her face when she saw him at her locker –before she realized he was taking her picture. The second was of her annoyed face, her nose crinkling up cutely, as she furrowed her forehead. And the third one was of her entering the class, looking her normal beautiful self, her eyes searching for him. He smiled again, knowing he'd never erase these pictures._

_Lil read his note quickly, hiding it under her desk and felt a slow blush forming on her cheeks. She gave him a mock angry look, before turning to smile at Kimi, showing her the note. _

_Kimi giggled, before turning to continue her footsie game with Phil._

_When the bell rang, all the kids spilled out of the classroom and into the gymnasium, where the result for the yearbook special relations were going to be announced._

_Lil stood beside Kimi, but soon felt Tommy's arms slink around her waist and his hard chest press into her upper back. _

_Lil smiled, turning her head to look back at Tommy, who leaned in to peck her lips quickly, before they saw the student council take the mike._

"_**Hey, I knew we'd have a good turn up for these results, even though it is after school, and I know how most of you would like to have gone home now." The girl said, smiling.**_

"_What? We had a choice!" Lil heard Phil groan behind her._

"_Yup, I lied," Kimi respond devilishly, causing Lil to chuckle._

_Tommy snickered, "Loser, at least my girlfriend doesn't lie to me," He teased._

_Phil and Kimi blushed, "She's not my girlfriend," he stuttered._

"_**Well, some are obvious,**_

_**Most likely to be a Comedian goes to Dell Josh."**_

"_What!" Phil gasped to the group, "But what about me?"_

"_Comedians have to be funny," Kimi replied, teasing._

"_Haha, you're a riot," Phil responded dryly, "Maybe you should've been chosen comedian,"_

"_Guys keep quiet; you're annoying the people beside you," Lil muttered._

"_But you guys are beside us,"_

"_Exactly," Tommy pointed out, laughing._

"_**Most likely to get the best scholarship into a University, obviously goes to Chucky Finster,"**_

_They group saw their nerdy friend Chucky go up and get his picture taken, as the four cheered loudly._

_The group of four watched as a few more announcements continued. Phil turned to Kimi, "You know what, this is boring. I'm going home,"_

"_Phil, no you can't. We all might as well leave together, stay until the end of this," Kimi stated._

"_But-…"_

"_**Most like a married couple go to Phil DeVille and Kimi Finster,"**_

_Lil and Tommy felt their jaws drop, and burst out laughing at Phil and Kimi's blushing faces, as they went up and took a picture standing two metres away from each other._

"_**This one was really obvious. Cutest Couple goes to Tommy Pickles and Lil DeVille,"**_

_Lil blushed as she heard people clap, while Tommy led her to the front. Tommy grinned widely, while Lil couldn't help blush harder. She was as stiff as a board, waiting to get her picture taken, when Tommy being Tommy laughed, and pulled her into his arms, planting a kiss on her surprised lips, while turning around with Lil still in his arms, so that she was leaning backwards, with only his arms as support._

_Of course he would give them the perfect picture._

_People burst out into cheers, as he put Lil back on her feet. She blushed beat red, hiding herself by snuggling into Tommy's arms._

"_I love you Lil," Tommy whispered into her ear, sending shivers down her spine._

_Lil beamed up at him, feelings the happiest she'd ever been, "I love you too Tommy," she replied honestly._

_End of Flashback._

Lil felt a single tear trickle down her cheek, landing neatly on the picture of her flushed face. Lil shook her head, wiping the tear away and closing the yearbook.

_How could he change so drastically?_

Lil didn't understand anything. She knew he was still able to make her heart beat a thousand times faster, but she didn't want him to, she wanted to hate him in her heart as much as she did in her mind.

Lil hugged herself tightly, laying back on her bed and waiting for sleep to overcome her…

The next day, Lil woke up when rays of the sun hit her face. Lil groaned, turning the other way, but she could hide from the bright rays, so grudgingly she threw her legs over the bed and tiredly walked up to her window to close her blinds.

She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, and reached for the blinds when the window across her, Tommy's window, caught her eye.

She stood there a moment longer, staring at the closed blinds, remembering a time when she would stand here and blow Tommy a kiss every night before they went to sleep.

Lil smiled bitterly, closing her blinds and making her way into her bathroom, to brush her teeth and take a quick bath.

Lil pulled on a simple black tank top with a pair of fitted jeans. Lil stared at her face in the mirror; she knew she was good-looking, she had never doubted that, and the amount of attention she got from the males at school never made her belief falter, but for once she felt flawed.

She had the face that looked amazing even without makeup. She never had to use makeup to enhance her looks, and nor did she have to worry about having her hair perfect.

Many girls envied her, she didn't worry about her appearance and never went out of her way to boost her looks, yet she still looked beautiful. Kimi had often told Lil how much she hated her for getting away with not combing her hair for days at a time.

Lil had always taken that for granted, she had never thought much about it. But looking at herself today, she didn't feel like that girl everyone thought she was.

Not only was she good-looking, but she was known for her charming personality. She was one of those nice popular girls at school that everyone hated to like.

But if she was really that perfect, then why did Tommy run away from her. Why would he never contact her, why would he come back like she had meant nothing to him?

_Stop thinking about him! Stop letting the thought of him make you feel down. If he doesn't care about you, then you don't have to care about him._

Lil picked up her bag, and slung it over her shoulder on the way downstairs.

"Lil, could you be any slower? You're my twin, so there's no way you're ever going to be ugly, so next time you wake up, come straight down like I do," Phil advised, passing her a piece of toast he couldn't finish, before pulling on his shoes.

"Oh yeah? Do I have to smell like that too," Lil teased, pinching her nose.

"Yeah okay, it would still be an improvement from how you smell," Phil resorted, grabbing the keys off the counter before Lil could.

"No fair, you always drive," Lil whined.

"Nuh uh,"

"Uh huh"

"No I don't!"

"Yes you do! When was the last time _I _drove?"

"Well too bad, if you would get ready faster, you could get the keys first," Phil explained, as they got in the car.

Lil rolled her eyes, putting in her CD.

"No way, we're putting on mine,"

"I got it in first," Lil beamed.

Phil frowned as Britney's _Gimme More_, blasted the stereo.

"Are you joking," Phil asked, dryly.

Lil grinned, knowing he hated the song, "Nope, now shut up and drive,"

As soon as the two of them entered the school, Kimi rushed towards them.

Kimi didn't even notice Phil as she grabbed Lil's arm, "I have to talk to you!"

Lil nodded dazed, letting Kimi pull her towards their locker.

"Kimi what happened?" Lil asked, confused.

Kimi took a deep breath, "You won't believe it; it's all over the school,"

"What?"

"You know that girl in our English class, the one in the back?"

"There are many girls in our English class?"

"The head cheerleader, Teresa"

"Oh yeah, what about her?"

"She's going out with Tommy," Kimi blurted out.

**A/n Thanks for the awesome feedback! R&R**


	5. Chapter 5

"No," Lil responded in disbelief.

Kimi nodded her head sadly, "I'm so sorry Lil, it's true,"

Lil shook her head, "No, I don't believe you Kim,"

Kimi bit her bottom lip, the use of the nick name Lil had playfully placed on her, that always drove her crazy, today broke her heart, Lil sounded so vulnerable and lost.

Kimi brought her arms around Lil, "He's such a bastard,"

Lil let Kimi's arms comfort her, as she clenched her jaw to prevent any sobs escaping her aching throat.

_How could he do that to her… after all the years she had waited for him, how could he do that?_

"Baby, I'm sorry," Kimi whispered in her ear, brushing her hair away from her face.

For the first time Lil looked up and past Kimi's shoulders to notice that people were staring at them. Everyone had known about Tommy and Lil, and they had all known that Tommy had disappeared on Lil, and now they all got to see that when he finally came back, he still did want her.

Their relationship was now a mockery, and Lil would never forgive Tommy for making her look so pathetic.

Lil never went out with anyone after Tommy, even though she had been so angry at him, she could never find it in her to move onto anyone else. He had caused her to lose faith in relationships, and now he comes back to go out with a girl that he barely knew?

Lil pulled away from Kimi, avoiding the looks of interest and pity on people's faces as she turned away from all of them.

"Where are you going Lil," Kimi called out to her, before Lil could exit the doors.

Lil turned slightly, her eyes watery, "I can't stay here," She mouthed, before disappearing outside.

Kimi took a step toward the doors, but then heard the school bell ring indicating the start of school. Kimi looked toward the doors again, and back at the students heading for their classes, Kimi sighed, "Screw this," She muttered, throwing her books in her locker before running after Lil.

Lil was already half way home when Kimi finally caught up to her, "LIL WAIT!" Kimi yelled, running to catch up to her.

"Stupid Phil for keeping the keys," Lil muttered to herself, all the while brushing tears off her face.

Kimi pulled Lil's arm, causing her to face her.

"Kimi-…"

"Stop it; we're best friends, so why the hell are you running away from me."

"I don't want to talk about it," Lil blubbered, ashamed.

"Do you remember when Phil broke my heart; did you _really_ think I wanted to talk about it? But you forced me to open up, and not keep things inside, do you remember that!"

Lil nodded, sniffing loudly.

"You told me to shut the hell up, unless it was about how I was feeling. You didn't want to hear all the _I'm okay_ or _I don't want to talk about it_ crap, and that's how I feel,"

Lil looked away not able to look Kimi in the eyes.

Kimi held onto Lil's shoulders, "I'm your best friend, and you are mine, I love you Lil, and I don't want you to ever forget it. I'm here for you, whether you like it or not, and I'm going to be here forever,"

Lil nodded, letting Kimi pull her into another hug, "Now talk to me,"

"It just hurts so much Kimi," Lil whimpered, "Why would he do that to me? What did I do, why can't he just tell me what I did wrong,"

Kimi shook her head, "It wasn't your fault! You were nothing but a good girlfriend to him,"

"Then why Kim, why did he leave me, why can't he explain. And if I did make a mistake, why doesn't he tell me, I just want to know. Why would he do this to me, there has to be a reason, we were so perfect, he was so perfect, and now? Why is he doing this?" Lil asked desperately, "I waited for him Kim, I always loved him, even though he left me and didn't come back for two years I still loved him. Now that he's back, instead of explaining why he left, he just started a relationship with another girl? How could he, why didn't he want me?"

"Lil, I honestly don't know why he's doing what he's doing, and I really hate him for hurting you, but I will not let him make you cry over him anymore. He doesn't deserve your tears Lil, and I won't let him walk all over you. You are coming back to school with me, your head up high, and you're not going to give a shit."

"Kimi, I can't-…" 

"No, listen. You are so much stronger then this. You're not that weak that you're going to burst into tears if you see him with Teresa. I know you're going to want to cry, but you have to be strong, and keep it in. He knows he's hurting you, but you can't let him see it. He left you for two whole years, and now he's back and acting like a jackass, well guess what Lil, you deserve better!"

Lil wiped away her tears again, shrugging, "I don't know what to do,"

Kimi smiled sadly, "That's why you have me babes." She teased winking, "You do know you're one of the most popular girls in school, you're smart, you're nice, and you're friggin gorgeous, if Tommy wants Teresa then who the hell cares, go ahead and have a girl that's already been with half the football team. You're so much better then her, and you are so much better then him!"

Lil smiled slightly, "Wow, I'm something special aren't I?" she teased.

Kimi laughed, "Yes you are,"

Lil sniffed, brushing off the lingering tears from her face and smiling, "You're right, sure the sight of them is going to make me want to puke, but I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of knowing he got to me. I waited two years for him to come back to me, well guess what, if he doesn't want me then screw him too," Lil declared, faltering a little.

Kimi nodded, "That's my girl,"

"Now let's get back to school," Lil stated, grabbing her friends arm and running back in the direction of school.

Kimi smiled, keeping up with her best friend.

By the time the two girls had gotten back to school, Lil had finally stopped crying and composed herself to look normal. Unfortunately, the first sight they saw was Tommy and Teresa leaning against the lockers, his face dangerously close to hers.

Kimi glanced at Lil, to see a flash of pain cross her face, before Lil caught her eye and a slow smile spread across her face and she took in a deep breath.

Lil motioned for Kimi to carry on as they walked the deserted hallways besides the new pair.

Lil kept her eyes straight in front of her, her lips pressed tightly. Kimi could see Tommy glance at Lil slightly, before going back to face Teresa, and dipping in to brush her neck with his lips.

Unfortunately, Kimi wasn't the only one who caught that, she heard Lil gulp slightly beside her.

The turned the hallway and Kimi smiled, "See, that wasn't too bad, so what class do you have now, I have French,"

Lil smiled slightly lamely, "Ok, I'll drop you off, then I'll go to my history class," She stated, as they walked to the second floor.

"Thanks for coming back Lil," Kimi whispered, when they reached her class.

"Thanks for bringing me back," Lil whispered before Kimi entered her class.

Lil smiled sadly, as she walked to her locker, pulling out her history binder.

_I can't believe him. I hate him for what he's doing to me, and I hate Teresa for being with him. He had been the only guy she'd ever gone out with, the only guy that she had felt that strongly about, and she had been the first girl he had gone out with, how could he have been such a jerk. She had known him all his life, how she have mistaken him that badly. He was the only guy she had ever loved, ever since that day in grade 7._

_Flashback_

_Lil scribbled furiously on the new notebook her mom had bought her for math class. The teacher was teaching a new concept, and Lil was making sure to get every word down. _

_She glanced over at Tommy a few seats down, as he yawned while slumping down in his chair to get more comfortable._

_Lil shook her head smiling, 'god the guy was so lazy,'_

_Tommy caught her eye and gave her a quick wave before turning back to the teacher. _

_Lil blushed, 'he's so cute!' she squealed inside. She couldn't wait to tell Kimi that he had waved at her in class. Her and Kimi did this after school at the bus stop everyday, telling each other every single detail their crushes had done. Kimi was obsessed with Phil, and Lil was slowly developing a crush on Tommy, even though she pretended he annoyed her._

_Lil looked back up to the teacher, copying down the examples quickly. _

_Tommy glanced at Lil again and he couldn't help but smile as her cute little face crinkled in thought at every question the teacher wrote on the board. No one else was paying attention, but Lil was soaking up every word and writing it in the notebook in front of her._

_It was so weird, he never thought he'd ever like Lil like that, since they had known each other since diapers, and they were best friends. They had basically grown up like siblings. But recently, he had started finding everything she did attractive. He liked spending time with her, and would often try to catch her eye in class. Or when the guys played soccer, and the girls watched, he always put a little more effort when she was there, and it confused him as to why._

_The teachers blabbing stopped, and Lil had finally put her pencil down. Tommy grinned, getting off his seat to walk toward her. He frowned when he saw the nerd beside Lil start a conversation with her, and quickly broke in, "Uh Lil,"_

_Lil looked up quickly, a slow blush forming on her cheeks, "Yeah,"_

"_I really don't get this powers stuff, you think you can over after school to explain it to me," he asked casually, wanting to cross his fingers._

_Lil blushed harder, "Um okay," she stated, "it's pretty easy though," she added quickly in annoyance._

_Tommy grinned, "Well then, it won't be a bother for you,"_

_Lil smiled, "Okay,"_

'_Oh my god', Lil thought, 'I can't believe he just asked me to come over,'_

_After class Lil quickly rushed to find Kimi, not able to contain her excitement any longer._

"_I'm going to his house after school!" Lil declared in a proud whisper._

"_No way! How?" Kimi whispered back in awe._

"_He asked me!" Lil grinned._

_Kimi squealed happily, "You're so lucky! What did he say?"_

"_Ok, well it's for help in math, but that doesn't matter!"_

_Kimi nodded happily, "Call me as soon as you get home!"_

_Lil nodded, "Obviously!"_

_When they got off the bus, Tommy led Lil into his house. _

_He walked into the kitchen, "Hey mom, Lil's going to help me with math, so we're going to go upstairs, tell Dil to stay away from us," Tommy asked, knowing how annoying Dil could be._

_Didi nodded, "Of course, study hard! Hey Lil," She greeted, giving Lil a quick hug, "I'm making cookies, so make sure to come down and get some later okay,"_

_Tommy nodded, leading Lil up to his room. He was a little shy of having a girl in his room, especially if it was just the two of them. Tommy couldn't remember the last time Lil and he had spent time alone. _

_Lil made for the computer chair before he could get it and grinned, "Too bad Pickles, I'm the teacher,"_

_Tommy stuck out his tongue, taking a seat on his bed._

"_Now open up your books," Lil instructed, pulling out her notebook._

_Tommy groaned, "I hate math,"_

"_Too bad we have a test tomorrow," Lil resorted smiling._

_Tommy lay back on his bed in frustration, "Don't remind me!"_

_Lil grinned as she watched Tommy's cute face pout. Her heart beat was admittedly faster then it should be as she tried to focus on the work in front of her. She wheeled in front of Tommy, trying to keep her emotions in check as she began to slowly explain the concept, "Look Tommy that small number is like the power. So if you have it beside the four, it's four to the power of say two."_

"_What does the power do?" Tommy asked, noticing how close they were for the first time._

_Lil's face was looking down toward the book, and her hair were framing her face, Tommy could smell the intoxicating smell of her hair and smiled to himself. She was beautiful. He loved everything about her, from the way her nose crinkled up cutely when she was thinking hard, to the way her lips always seemed so smooth and glossy, to the way he could always recognize her smell, a mix of strawberry and vanilla, and to the way her eyes always seemed to be shining. _

_He watched her as she spoke to him, her eyes never leaving the book._

"_Tommy, well basically it's like four times four."_

"_So, it doubles it?"_

"_Yeah, so whatever the bigger number is, you times that by itself kind of thing," Lil explained._

"_So it means a lot,"_

"_Well, kind of,"_

"_So it's even more then multiplying it by two?"_

_Lil looked up in exasperation, "Obviously Tommy-…"_

_But she couldn't finish, she trailed off, realizing for the first time how close her and Tommy actually were. She could feel his breath on her, and their noses were practically touching. _

_He looked down to her lips, and Lil couldn't help it as her eyes trailed down to his._

"_Lil," He whispered, his eyes never leaving her lips._

_Lil's breathing quickened, "Yeah,"_

"_I think I love you,"_

_Lil couldn't breath, not believing her own ears, she must've misunderstood._

"_To the power of two,"_

_Lil let out a giggle, her heart doing flip flops as a goofy grin appeared on her face._

_Tommy smiled too, as he leaned forward slightly, capturing her lips…_

_And since then, they had been the It couple._

"You're late," A loud voice broke her from her memories.

Lil dropped her books startled, as she turned to see Tommy walking down the hallway.

He smirked, as she quickly kneeled to gather her books. Unfortunately, the rings on one of her binder opened, and all her papers went flying around it.

Lil cursed under her breath, as she struggled to gather her things quickly, wanting to escape.

He kneeled down to help her collect her stuff, "Wow, disorganized I see? Not the same Lil are we?"

Lil ignored him, as she gathered the rest of her stuff, and snatched her papers from his hands. He looked up at her amused, as she quickly got up. Tommy got up too, "You seem upset?" he teased.

Lil frowned, turning quickly to leave, when she felt a tug on her bag.

"What the hell-…" She started, turning around, but went beat red when she saw his smirking face, and her eyes followed her bag to realize a strap on her bag had gotten stuck in her locker.

_Shit,_ she was trapped. Lil tried to pull the strap out, but it would budge. She groaned, _she had the worst luck ever. _

Tommy smiled smugly, blocking her locker from her.

Lil frowned, "Get out of the way, Tommy,"

Tommy raised his brow in amusement, "Or what?"

**A/n I feel bad for Lil, why is Tommy being such a jerk, and if he doesn't care about her, why doesn't he leave her alone? How's Lil going to react to Tommy's refusal to budge? R&R much to come!**


	6. Chapter 6

"Just _move_," Lil muttered through gritted teeth.

Tommy just smirked, "I don't hear a please? Where's your manners,"

_How dare he? Who the hell is this guy, he doesn't even give a shit of how much he's put her through. How he broke out her heart and stomped on it the day he left her, and now he's ripping open the old wounds, is he really that big of a jerk? Now, instead of apologizing, or explaining anything, he's really going to just go out with another girl and then show her his stupid face. _

"Screw you," She spat, attempting to push him away from her and her locker, but obviously he wouldn't budge. He had gone from the scrawny developing muscled boy to a proper built guy. She had to admit, he had a nice body. He was built, he had nice biceps that any girl would love to have around her and tightly formed abs that were visible through his jersey.

"I know how much you want to, but I'm taken," He answered smugly.

Lil felt like she had been slapped. _Did he just say that to her._

Lil couldn't help it, the fact that he would say that to her made her blood boil, and she lifted her hand to slap him, but before she could connect with his jaw, his hand reached out and grabbed her wrist, the stupid smirk never leaving his face, "You're lucky I like them feisty,"

Lil held back tears, _this wasn't her Tommy, _and just shrugged out of the straps of her bag, _she'd rather not have any of her books today then have to stand here and listen to this guy's bullshit any longer._

Tommy laughed, as she made a face at him before walking off. He watched her go…_damn she's hot!_

"I saw Tommy today," Phil stated casually, as he reversed the car from the school parking lot.

Lil shrugged, facing the window before he could read her facial expressions. Because she knew, he would know exactly how she was feeling if he saw her face.

"Idiot, we're twins, I don't need to see your ugly face to know that you're hurt," he teased, trying to lighten up the atmosphere a little. He knew his sister was hurting, and even though she was two minutes older then him, he always felt like the older one, because his feelings for her were like the protective older brother. He didn't like it when she was sad, and he hated it when someone else caused it.

He knew the first time he saw Tommy back, that it would cause pain for Lil. He had really hoped that Tommy had a good excuse for being gone, and that he would some how work things out with Lil and everything would be okay for them okay –after he got to kick Tommy's ass of course.

He's had hatred for Tommy ever since the day he left. He watched his sister, his twin Lil, burst into tears at the mention of his name, or when watching a chick flick, or just looking at Tommy's house. He's seen her secretly cry over pictures of the two of them, when she thought no one was around. He had to deal with hearing his sister cry at night, and he couldn't do anything about it.

He wanted nothing more then to beat the crap out of Tommy, but he knew his sister loved him, and he was willing to put aside his hatred for his once best friend for her.

"Shut up Phil, we look alike, if I'm ugly, so are you!" She shot back, ignoring the rest all together. Lil nervously played with her thumbs, not wanting to cry again.

"I heard he's going out with Teresa,"

Lil shrugged again, looking away and shutting her eyes tightly, to keep the tears in. _She felt so pathetic, she had cried over him for so long, and he came back… to someone else. She was such a loser, and it was just so pathetic that Lil didn't even want to face herself. How could she have been such a fool? Everyone's laughing at her. The girl who thought she had true love and waited for Tommy all that time, ended up alone even when he came back. He didn't want her._

"Lil, look at me," He instructed, but Lil stubbornly refused to meet his eyes.

Phil clicked his tongue as he pulled into the Java Lava and turned off the engine.

"What are you doing?" Lil asked frustrated.

"Lil, I had to see you cry your eyes out billions of times over the past two years, and I'm so sick of it," Phil stated, his eyes looking into the identical ones in front of him.

"Well then, if you're so sick of it, stay away from me," Lil yelled, turning to get out of the car when Phil gently grabbed her shoulder.

"Lil, you know what I meant. Don't you get it, you have so many people that love you, you don't need to cry over the one that doesn't,"

Lil bit her bottom lip to keep it from trembling, "But _why _Phil, _I need to know why?_ Why doesn't he love me anymore, what did do… it would be so much easier to handle if I just knew why," Lil cried, her eyes tearing up, as much as she didn't want to cry again.

"I don't know Lil, I wish I could tell you, he's the dumbest guy in this world to let go of someone who loves him as much you did, and honestly, he doesn't even deserve you anymore. You deserve someone so much better; it's not even funny,"

Lil shrugged, _everyone kept telling her that, but her heart, it broke no matter how much she hated him. No matter how much shit he did to her, she couldn't forget the old Tommy, the one she fell so madly in love with. The guy she was sure she'd marry… the guy that was perfect for her._

"And you know me, I hate this emotional stuff, so obviously the last thing I want to do is sit here and tell my sister how good she is, cause we're suppose to hate each other right," He teased.

Lil laughed, and her tone softened, "It's okay to be there for each other,"

Phil nodded, "No matter how much we hate each other, you _do_ know that I'll always be there for you," He stated, "Let's just never mention this moment ever again," He joked quickly, breaking the intense emotional moment before it could go any further.

Lil swatted him playfully on the arm, "You're right Phil he doesn't deserve my tears, and I'll just have to get over him and move on," She responded, hesitantly.

"Lil,"

"What? C'mon, it's not like I don't _want_ to move on, I want to move on more then anything, I just don't know how. For so long, all I knew was my feelings for Tommy, how am I suppose to make them leave me alone,"

Phil nodded, "I guess it just takes time," he shrugged, turning the car on again.

As soon as they reached home, they saw someone sitting on their porch.

"Who's that?" Phil asked, squinting to get a better look.

"I don't know," Lil answered, shielding her eyes from the sun. She knew it was a guy, but she couldn't tell who it was. For a second she thought it was Tommy, it was the same big build, with nicely muscled arms.

They both walked up their driveway together, and Lil was surprised to realize it was Lucas. He was standing on their porch, leaning casually against their railing. He looked up and a grin covered his face.

Lil couldn't deny it, he was pretty cute, especially the dimples in his cheeks when he smiled, they were absolutely hot.

"Hey Lil, Phil," He nodded, bumping knuckles with Phil, "What's up,"

Phil shrugged, "Nothing man, did I forget a football practice or something?" He asked, confused, his face twisted in thought.

"Nah," Lucas chuckled, "Just came over to see Lil,"

Phil looked at Lil in confusion, but then shrugged, "Alright,"

With that, Lil stood with Lucas on the porch as they watched Phil _slowly_ go inside. Lil shook her head and laughed at his lame attempt to catch any conversation between the two.

When he shut the door behind, Lil turned to Lucas, "So, what did you want to see me about?" She asked.

Lucas shrugged, "That guy Tommy, I asked a few friends about him, and they told me he was an ex of yours that was quite popular in school a few years back,"

Lil nodded slowly, not sure where he was going with this.

"And, well I kind of figured there were still feelings there so I kind of backed off, but today I heard he's started things up with that cheerleader, Teresa? So I guess I kind of wanted to come see if you were okay with that?" He asked, leaving his cool composure that he always carried around at school, to a more sincere tone.

Lil shrugged slightly, "Yeah, whatever. He can do whatever he wants,"

"Good, I was hoping you'd feel that way." He stated, taking a seat on the swinging comfy seat on their porch, and motioned for Lil to do the same, "I was just wondering, if you were open to the idea of getting a bite with me this evening," He asked, putting on his confident smile again.

Lil frowned.

_I don't think I'm ready. _A part of her complained.

_Tommy was sure as hell ready, _another part of her countered.

_Maybe I just need more time?_

_You had two years, how much time do you need, until you're old and grey?_

Lil took a deep breath, "I don't know… I don't know if I'm ready for another commitment, I want to, but I don't know-…"

"Who's talking about commitment? How much commitment do you need to go and eat a doughnut with someone?" He teased lightly, "Plus we'll go the Java Lava, so you're not too uncomfortable with this _huge _commitment,"

Lil blushed; feeling more embarrassed then ever, "Okay,"

"Not that I don't want commitment, but that stuff can come later," he winked.

They heard a car pull into the driveway beside them, and they both looked up to see Tommy getting out of his car. He was pulling his cell out of his back pocket when he noticed the two of them. His pace slowed down as he pushed his sun glasses to the top of his head.

Lucas smirked, "Ready to show him what he's missing?"

Lil looked up at him surprised, "Whaddyou mean?"

"You think you're ready for enough commitment for a little kiss," he stated, mischievously, "No strings attached, I swear," he added quickly at the look of protest on her face.

Lil was about to refuse until an image of Tommy leaning into Teresa played through her mind, only to be replaced my Tommy's smirking face.

Lil felt resentment burn inside of her, before grinning at Lucas, _time to move on, no more tears, _she stated to herself, before leaning up to meet his lips half way.

**A/n see some Lucas/Lil forming here? Let's see where it takes them, and how will Tommy react to this newly forming couple? Find out, Read and Review!**


	7. Chapter 7

As soon as her lips made contact with his, she felt his arms slide around her waist and pull her a little closer

As soon as her lips made contact with his, she felt his arms slide around her waist and pull her a little closer. Lil leaned into him, feeling a little awkward at first, as it had been forever since she'd ever kissed someone; in fact Tommy had been the only guy she'd ever kissed. Just as she had gotten out of her _boys have cooties_ faze, that's when she fell for Tommy, and eventually became his girlfriend.

It felt weird kissing someone that wasn't him, she had felt so comfortable with Tommy, their lips on each others had felt so normal, and this was now so new. He nibbled slightly on her bottom lips before pulling away, grinning.

She was breathless, and just as Lucas was about to lean down toward her again-…

"Get a room," Tommy called out callously, throwing them a dirty look, as he walked up the steps to her porch, and leaning against the railing.

Lil felt her heart beat quicken, _knowing him as well as she did, she could tell he was mad, and now she was just as nervous as hell, all the while happy to get a reaction from him._

"Don't worry man, planning on it," Lucas replied winking, his arms slinking around her waist again.

Tommy didn't smile, a scowl forming on his face, "Relax with it, she's not like that," He stated evenly, glaring at Lucas before turning to walk back down the steps.

"Oh isn't she? It's been two years, things change," Lucas threw after him, causing Tommy to turn back abruptly.

"So what, she turned into a slut now?" He smirked at the hurt that flashed over Lil's face.

Lil felt tears sting the inside of her eyelids, but a part of her knew he was just being cruel to cover his own hurt, and this was his way of retaliating, trying to hurt her. And no way in hell would she let him see her hurt, so instead she just let out a fake giggle as she stood up slowly, and seductively took a seat on Lucas's lap, "Sure," She shrugged simply, before wrapping her arms around his neck and placing gentle butterfly kisses up his jaw line, a gesture that she knew Tommy use to love.

She didn't know what was causing her to do this, she had never been like this, and nor did she think she had it in her. She had always been shy of being affectionate like this, and so over him, but putting this show on in front of Tommy caused a new confident part of her to shine, a part no one would think existed.

She heard a low growl from behind her, and glanced at him, and just to see how far she could push him, she added a little teasing wink.

He glared at her, clenching his jaw tightly, "Lil,"

She looked up at him innocently, "Yes,"

"I **need to talk to you,**" He demanded.

There was something about the tone he said it in, like a parent uses with a misbehaving child, it was strict and controlling, and she felt herself pull off of Lucas, and follow him to her driveway.

Lil had never been like that, she wasn't like that, she would've never done that in a million years, stoop so low just to get back at Tommy, it was such a disgusting horrible thing to do… _but she liked it_.

Just for extra measures, she turned to Lucas and blew him a kiss.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He demanded sternly, forcing her attention on him.

Lil felt a smile play on her face, after so many tears and resentment, she finally got her satisfaction, and the anger on his face was enough to make her finally smile again.

She thought about that question, there were so many ways she could answer that, she could either throw his relationship back in his face, or she could burst into an emotional confrontation about the shit he did to her. But this newly forming Lil did neither.

"Nothing," she stated innocently.

It was as if she had pressed a button, she could see the blood rush to his face as he looked like he wanted to hit someone. A part of her worried he'd actually strike her.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" He burst out angrily, "You call that nothing? Is that really how big of a slut you are?" he finished nastily.

Lil smirked, "And who the hell are _you_ to question me?" She challenged evenly.

Tommy looked a little taken back by this, surprised she retaliated so strongly. The old Lil would've burst into tears by now, "Oh so I'm nothing now?" he asked.

Lil smiled bitterly, "You were nothing the second you walked out on me," She answered, before turning to walk away.

Tommy stood there, open mouthed.

Kimi was wiping down the last few tables when she heard the door open behind her, and she turned to see a sulking Phil enter the Java Lava. She felt her heart beat quicken slowly, as much as she convinced herself that her and Phil are just friends, she couldn't help that her heart raced twice as fast when he was around.

She smiled at him shyly, as she walked behind the counter, as Phil took a seat in front of it, his chin resting in his hand.

"What's up Deville?" She greeted casually.

"Nothing," He mumbled, his fingers slowly drumming against the counter.

"Can I get you anything?" She asked awkwardly, it had been a while since they had last been alone together. Every time they were together, Lil or Chuckie had always been around, and they never directly talked to each other.

Sure they still talked, but that was mostly on Msn, even there, the conversations were pretty limited.

When they were together, Phil use to always come to the Java Lava to keep her company while the place was dead in the afternoons, but this was the first time he came after the break up, and she didn't know what to say to him.

"A smoothie with strawberry-…"

"Half a banana and a pinch of sugar," She finished for him, she didn't mean to, but she knew his regular so well, and had made it a billion times, she couldn't help it.

Phil smiled, causing Kimi to redden slightly, but she played it off, as she busied herself in making his drink, "So, you seem down,"

"No, it's nothing," He mumbled.

"It's obviously something; you might as well spill,"

Phil sighed, "It's that whole Tommy thing, and I wish he wasn't back. I mean, I'm glad he's back for their family, cause had kind of gotten weird after him leaving, but I just, I wish things were different. I don't want Lil to have to deal with him being back,"

Kimi passed him his smoothie as she leaned against the counter thoughtfully, "I don't know, I mean, I think it's better for Lil that he came back and she gets to deal with her feelings for him, then just have him disappeared without a trace, where she could never really completely deal with her feelings,"

"No, I'd rather her not have to hurt over him," he exclaimed incredulously, like Kimi grew another head.

"But she could only move on if she does," Kimi stated annoyed.

"That doesn't make sense," He declared stubbornly.

"It so does,"

"You're wrong Kimi,"

"I'm right!"

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," He shrugged, arrogantly.

They both glared at each other, neither ready to back down.

"Oh _whatever _Phil, you gotta learn to accept that you're not always right," Kimi responded irritated.

"And _you_ gotta learn to accept that you can be wrong," Phil threw back.

"_You got to learn to accept that you're not always right," Kimi yelled, her eyes blazing red in anger. _

"_And you gotta learn to accept that you can be wrong," Phil shot back, following her to the living room of his house._

_She turned around angrily, "I'm wrong? What the hell was she doing in your room, you swore to never talk to her, then what the hell was she doing there, answer me!" She accused._

"_I told you, we were working on a project, I don't get why the hell you're making a huge deal out of this?"_

"_A huge deal? Phil what's wrong with you. She has openly admitted to liking you, she had openly friggin admitted to wanting to be with you, and you're telling me it isn't a huge deal that I caught you two in your room together, on the BED!" She screamed red in the face._

"_WE WERE WORKING ON A PROJECT!" Phil yelled back, "So stop using "caught" as if we were making out or something," He stated, "And about her liking me, why the hell does that matter, you should __**trust me, **__you should trust the fact that no matter what, or who likes me, I would always be faithful to you, I can't believe you think I'd cheat on you, is that really how much you trust me?"_

"_Oh don't turn this around to that, do not even dare try to play victim on me, I don't think you'd like it very much if you "saw" me in my room with a guy that everyone knew liked me, so don't even bullshit with me, you promised you'd stop talking to her, and I have to come see you in your room with her, I thought you were at a football practice, that's a nice football practice, and you talk about trust," She shot bitterly._

_Phil rolled his eyes, "I knew you'd freak if I told you, I didn't want you to go have a heart attack and kill me if I told you she'd be coming over, I told a white lie so you wouldn't freak, it was an innocent meeting to do work, I swear, I can't believe you don't believe me,"_

"_Don't you get it; you still don't think you're wrong," She accused in exasperation._

"_I'm NOT! I didn't cheat; I was doing a god damn project!" He yelled in frustration, "You're the one who went all jealous girlfriend / scary Godzilla on me,"_

"_So I'm wrong!" She asked shocked, "How dumb are you?"_

"_You're the dumb one if you think I'm wrong __**for doing a project with a partner!**__"_

"_Oh my god Phillip, you can't admit to anything! We don't agree on anything! You know what, maybe this isn't going to work, since we seriously we disagree about everything,"_

"_Maybe you're right," He stated evenly, "Oh and Kimi, you're wrong again, we agreed on this," _

_She wanted to slap him, as Lil nervously came through the front door, "Uhm guys, time out, break it up," She joked lightly._

_They couple glared at each other, before Kimi finally turned to Lil, "Don't worry Lil, we already did," She said, as she brushed past her and stormed out, slamming the door on her way out._

_Lil cringed, looking up at the glaring Phil._

"You know what Phil, maybe you're right," Kimi shrugged.

"No, you actually might be right, if she deals with her feelings, she could probably move on," Phil quickly interjected.

They both remembered that night; they both remembered where those exact lines had taken them that night, to a place where they were still at, away from each other.

They both laughed nervously, trying to ignore the conversation completely, and luckily for them the door opened behind them and in walked a noisy pair.

It was Chuckie and Angelica, looking every bit the hot couple they were. First, they were older then the rest of them, and second, they were definitely well known. Angelica had always been the gorgeous bitch, and Chuckie had turned from the adorable geek, to the drooling hunk that Angelica transformed him into.

Her arm linked with his, as she went on with a story she had been tell him, "And she was just like speechless, she knew she couldn't do shit at that point, it was priceless, you should've seen her face,"

Chuckie nodded, smiling slightly, but what was attractive about him now was his cool and collected personality. He wasn't one to burst in emotion; he just kept his calm which was defiantly hot in a mysterious way on him.

"Lovers," Angelica acknowledged with a nod, as Chuckie half-leaned half-sat on the stool one away from Phil's, and Angelica leaned back against his chest, standing between his knees as he wrapped his arms around her waist. They were the perfect pair, both good looking, and extremely cool.

Kimi and Phil blushed slightly, "Shut up Angelica,"

"We're friends," Phil corrected, smiling at Kimi. Kimi nodded, feeling an uneasy tug at her heart.

"Exactly,"

"Whatever," Angelica muttered, rolling her eyes, "Don't think I'm dumb,"

"Why would we? You're just doing an extra year in high school… for fun," Phil teased.

Angelica glared at him as Kimi snickered slightly.

"Shut up guys," Chuckie interjected, "Two more smoothies Kim," he added.

"So, what's up with you guys?" Phil asked, taking a huge sip of his drink.

"Nothing man, just been hanging low lately," Chuckie shrugged.

"Yeah, we've become the boring couple now," Angelica laughed, as she unconsciously played with Chuckie's fingers that were resting on waist.

"You two -and boring?" Kimi exclaimed, "Don't think we haven't heard the Sarah Becket story,"

Angelica grinned deviously as Chuckie sighed in a lazy smile, "That bitch was basically begging for it," Angelica defended.

"Yeah, because she really wanted to start a black-eye trend," Phil stated sarcastically.

"Well, if she really thought she could trip me in the pyramid at the football game, in attempts to get my spot as cheerleading captain, and get _away with it?_ That bitch has it coming," Angelica shrugged with a smirk.

"Oh ok, don't pretend like that's all that went down, I was there remember? You caused a whole cheerleader fight, the game had to stop because there were girls pulling at each other and scratching each others faces out all over half our field." Phil pointed out, trying to contain laughter as he remembered the gruesome scene.

"Yeah well," Angelica laughed proudly.

"Argh, I can't believe I actually _missed_ that, I knew I should've come," Kimi pouted, disappointedly.

Phil laughed, turning to Kimi, "Not only that, of course your hero brother had to barge in and randomly punch our Linebacker, for being Sarah's boyfriend, poor guy didn't see it coming, and of course he retaliated and they started a little football player fight as the guys butt in to help out." Phil told the wide-eyed Kimi, as he pointed at a scar at the side of his lip, "I got this getting pulled in to the fight,"

Angelica smiled, patting him on the back in exaggeration, "Be proud, you still got away easy, I chipped Sarah's front tooth,"

Phil shook his head, "You got a serious left hook,"

She grinned, before tilting her head toward Chuckie, "I was so proud of this guy," She whispered, before giving him tiny pecks on the lips. She giggled when Chuckie tried to capture her lips in lip lock, but she kept pulling away.

Phil and Kimi watched awkwardly, witnessing an intimate scene like that was way too weird for the two, as they attempted to look anywhere but at the couple or each other.

Kimi loudly placed the two glasses in front of them, attempting to get their attention, but they ignored her as Angelica turned around in Chuckie's arms to face him, and leaned into his lips again, smiling.

"Ok, ok guys stop," Phil finally interjected, not able to take the awkwardness anymore.

Angelica sighed loudly, "Why are we here again?" She complained.

"Hey guys,"

They all turned to see Lil walk in through the doors, but she wasn't alone, she was with a guy they all recognized. He was part of the football team, and quite popular, Lucas.

Phil was a little surprised at this, he was surprised that afternoon when he had come to talk to Lil, but he didn't think they were friends, seeing them together was weird. Lil had broken off from all the jocks after Tommy left, even her mutual friends with Tommy on the team, she just shut off. The only jocks she let herself close to were obviously her brother, and long time friend Chuckie.

She had started to hate everything about the jocks, and felt that they were all fakes. But here she was, with one of their biggest jocks at school, the guy who had basically taken Tommy's spot as top jock in their school.

They neared the foursome, "Ok, you can stop staring," Lil teased, "We just want some doughnuts,"

They just all stared at the new pair, before it finally registered, and Kimi nodded quickly.

Lucas laughed, "This isn't awkward at all," He said in good-natured sarcasm, as he bumped fists with the two guys and nodded at the two girls.

Chuckie was a little surprised at this, because he remembered class a few days ago where Lil rolled her eyes the second Lucas walked in, and laughed when he threw gum at him.

As soon as Kimi finished their order, the two of them excused themselves and found a table for themselves.

Angelica frowned slightly, "Wasn't she suppose to be obsessed with my cousin still?" She asked confused, "And _how_ did she score that piece of hunk with her constant sulking attitude," She stated in bewilderment, "_Very yummy,_" She winked at Kimi to Chuckie's glare, "What? He's pretty good-looking," She defended, before mouthing the word _hot_ to Kimi.

Chuckie rolled his eyes at her, before turning to look at them as well, "I guess she's over Tommy?" He asked confused.

"Thank god if that's true," Phil exclaimed, still not fully understanding what's going on. Just that afternoon she was crying in the car over Tommy, how could she be out and about with Lucas already?

"I can't believe she didn't tell me!" Kimi complained, happily eyeing the pair.

Lucas and Lil sat across from each other, engaging in light conversation as Lil broke into a comfortable smile every once in a while. It was so weird to see her so comfortable with him, she had been so distant to the male population for the last while.

"She is one lucky biatch, he's friggin-…" But she trailed off when she caught Chuckie's raised brow, "Friggin good guy," She finished with an innocent smile before turning to Kimi and mouthing _HOT!_

Chuckie pulled away from Angelica, "You know what, I'm out of here, I don't want to see my girlfriend drooling over another guy for another second,"

But before he could turn away, Angelica wrapped her arms around his shoulders affectionately, "Did I ever tell you how hot you look when you're jealous,"

"I'm not jealous," He argued stubbornly.

"Oh, of course not," She agreed mockingly, leaning in to peck his lips shut before he could go any further.

"Mmph," Chuckie stuttered between the kisses.

Phil rolled his eyes, and made a gagging face towards Kimi, causing her to stifle a laugh. Phil grinned, but the realized she wasn't smiling anymore and a frown had replaced her beautiful face, he turned in his seat towards the direction her eyes were now at, and he understood…

Hand in hand walked in, Tommy and Teresa.

**A/n A LONG UPDATE! I'll say! C'mon, pretty darn long compared to my usual. PLEASE repay me with a great ass review! Lol. In this chapter we get to see a little more depth into Phil and Kimi's relationship, or lack thereof / lingering feelings. Chuckie and Angelica make their couple appearance. And in the end, either there's an upcoming showdown or tremendous awkwardness. **


	8. Chapter 8

Lil spotted him the second he walked in, but looked away quickly, not able to deny the tug at her heart at seeing him with Teresa.

Lucas noticed too, and his smile disappeared. _Great, things were finally getting cool between them, and that jerk had to come make it awkward again._

Tommy led Teresa to the counter, "Babe, want anything from here, this might not be the best place, but it's always dead, so we'll get privacy," he stated loudly.

The four at the counter frowned, _what the hell? _

"Cut the bastard act, and just order," Angelica interrupted rudely.

Tommy ignored her, his arm tight around Teresa's waist, "Let's just get doughnuts,"

"I'll just take a bite from yours, it's too fattening," Teresa replied, eyeing Lil who at that moment was biting into her chocolate glazed one. Tommy caught on, and smiled smugly.

Lil froze, a glare forming on her face. She looked across the table at Lucas, and he could tell she wanted to kick some ass.

He shook his head at her, smirking, "Wow Lil, you have the perfect body," He stated loudly, "No need to worry about fat, _you _should try out for cheerleading, they really need some fit bodies out there,"

Lil tried to stifle her laughter, and caught the cut eye from Teresa. Tommy's glared hardened as Kimi grudgingly passed him a doughnut and he led Teresa to a table across from Lil's.

"So Teresa, tell me what's been going on in our school since I've left?" He asked, loud enough for the other couple to hear.

"Well," Teresa started, a slow smile spreading across her lips, "When you left, this new guy came who basically tried to fit in by taking all the things you left. He just tried to be a clone of you, he took your spot on the football team, he took your friends, and I've even heard he had been eyeing your ex girlfriend for the last month,"

Tommy gritted his teeth, and his jaw visibly clenched, "Oh yeah, well I heard she had been pretty desperate for me since I've left, so of course she jumped at the chance to be with anyone that even slightly resembled me… actually, I bet she paid him to act like me," He laughed.

Teresa smirked.

Lil frowned; his words cutting deep, _this couldn't be the Tommy that loved her… had he ever loved her. _She wanted nothing more then to get up and leave, but she couldn't give him the satisfaction, she would sit through it all to show Tommy he couldn't get to her anymore.

Lucas clenched his fist tight on the table in front of her, Lil watched as his knuckles turned white. Her eyes locked with his, she smiled weakly at him, her eyes pleading with him to not react.

She could tell he was barely restraining himself.

The four at the counter spoke to each other in quite whispers, every once in a while throwing glance at them.

"Lil, just say the word," Lucas mumbled through gritted teeth, "I swear I'll have him eating dirt,"

Lil bit her lip nervously, she shook her head, "Their not worth it," She whispered, before gently placing her hand on his clenched one. As soon as he felt her soft warm hand on his, his fist loosened, calming down slightly.

She smiled at him.

Tommy watched this from the corner of his eye, his glare hardening, and he could feel his own hand clench, "What a slut," He commented.

That's when Lucas lost it, "What the _hell_ did you just say?" He snapped, turning around in his seat to face Tommy.

"I said, _what.a.slut,_" Tommy replied evenly.

"You stupid bastard," Lucas stared, getting out of his seat, but Lil quickly flew off her seat and stood in front of him, her hand on his chest.

"Lil don't stop me," Lucas grumbled, "This guy's face wants to meet my fist,"

"_Try_ it," Tommy challenged, standing up as well.

Lil stood in between them, "Lucas he's not worth it," She stated, causing Tommy's attention to divert to her, as he looked down at the pretty brunette in between them, she glared at him, "How pathetic can you get, you're here with your girlfriend, yet you're still so jealous that I'm here with someone else that you stoop to making such comments to make yourself feel better,"

Tommy didn't know what to say, he hadn't seen Lil so mad at him before.

"You're so disgusting, take my advice and _get a life,_" She threw at him, before taking Lucas's hand and leading him out of the place.

Tommy watched her go, her hand tightly in his.

Lil entered her house angrily, slamming her bedroom door. _She was SO mad at him. How dare he call her a slut? Who the hell did he think he was? She wanted nothing more then to slap the smirk off his face._

She wanted to scream in frustration, not sure of what to do. She looked around her room, wanting to destroy everything that reminded her of him.

She felt the phone vibrate in her pocket and quickly pulled it out. She felt a slow smile spread across her lips when she read the name, _Lucas. _

She was so flattered by the way he had defended her today. Had he not been there, she probably would've burst into tears the second a rude comment was made toward her.

She hadn't felt like this for so long. She could feel slight butterflies in her stomach, and quickly flipped her phone open and pressed her ear against it, "Lucas," She smiled.

"Hey _Lillian_,"

She gasped, "I _hate _that name," She accused.

"I like it," He stated, "I think it sounds sexy,"

She felt a slow blush spread across her cheeks, "Call me Lil," She whined.

"Sorry Lillian, I think a sexy girl needs her sexy name," He teased, flirtatiously.

Lil tried to contain a smile, "Argh, okay fine,"

"So, today was…fun?"

She laughed, "Best first date," She replied sarcastically.

"Oh, so you considered it a date eh?" He teased.

"Oh, uhm, I-…" She stammered, suddenly caught off guard.

"Chill L, I'm just playing with you, but since you _do_ consider today a date, I think tomorrow we could do it again?"

"Uhm," Lil stared nervously.

He smiled, "I like you, I just want to get to know you better, that's it, stop over thinking everything, and you need to start having fun again. You're too hot to waste your life sulking,"

Lil smiled, "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow,"

Tommy rolled his eyes when he caught Teresa waiting for him at his locker. _Seriously, did this girl not have a life?_

He smiled at her, and ignored her attempts to peck his lips. He opened his locker and threw his gym bag in there, before pulling out his football jersey for practice.

He was just about to brush past her when his eyes fell on _her._ He hadn't spoken to her since the incident two weeks ago, and of course she was with the one and only Lucas. Having class with the two of them, Tommy had the misfortune of having to see their relationship develop.

He couldn't help but feel irritated by every glance they threw at each other, and it made him angrier then he could explain. She had even left their table to go sit with him, and listening to him flirt with her made him want to gag.

He knew Lil well enough to know that she was falling for Lucas, and it pissed him off.

He knew they were walking to hospitality together. She glanced at him slightly, but looked away before he could hold her look.

She turned back to Lucas and smiled at whatever he was saying.

Tommy sighed in frustration.

When the day was finally over, he had to stay back to finish his English project, so there weren't many people left when he finally stepped outside. He groaned when he felt rain prick at his body, he hadn't realized how badly it started to rain, being inside all day.

He jogged to his car and digged through his pocket to get his keys, when he finally felt his fingers clasp around them he took them out hurriedly, and as a result they slipped through his fingers and onto the ground.

Tommy cursed under his breath before kneeling down to pick them up. As soon as he grabbed them, from the side of his eye he saw another figure step out.

"Shit,"

He heard the person curse, but he couldn't care less, he finally got his door open and was about to sit in when the person finally caught his attention, and he realized it was Lil.

She hadn't seen him, and had just stepped out into the rain, cursing loudly as she attempted to cover her head with her sweater. She looked around, looking unsure.

She made a face, and chewed on her bottom lip the way she always did when frustrated.

Tommy couldn't help but stare. She was so beautiful. Everything about her was just so innocently attractive. The way her hair clung to her face, and just the familiarity of her chewing her bottom lip.

He used to always point it out, and she use to sigh in frustration and stop, and unconsciously start it up again.

He laughed, and finally caught her attention; she turned to spot him, and immediately glared. _How dare he laugh at her sucky position?_

It was decided, she would rather break into a sprint right now then have to stand here and let him make fun of her.

She was about to break into her run when she heard him call her name. She ignored him and started to walk in the opposite direction of his car.

"Lil!" He called out again.

She quickened her pace.

"Ok stop, wait Lil,"

With even more determination, her feet started taking even greater strides.

She distantly heard footsteps running toward her, and contemplated running herself until she felt him grab her arm.

She turned around, "What!"

He was gasping for air after his run. And as angry as she was, she couldn't help but find him adorable. His sweatshirt clinging to his built body and his hair dampened by the rain.

"Let me…" He took another gasp for air.

"You do realize you're a football player, and you got this out of breath running from there to here?" She asked, with a raised brow.

He chuckled, shrugging, "Let me drop you home,"

"It's okay. I'll walk,"

He looked at her like she had grown another head, "You do realize it's raining like mad, and you'll probably drown in it walking home?"

"I'd rather drown," She stated simply.

Tommy rolled his eyes, "You're lucky I'm even offering, and don't think I'm going to wait around trying to change your mind, it's a take it or leave it offer,"

She glared at him, "Well I'm leaving it,"

He shrugged, "Suit yourself, but it's a long way home, and you're already shivering, really think about it, is a few minutes in my car _that _bad,"

She nodded, but then she looked back at his car. _She really didn't want to have to walk in this rain, and he was right, she was already shivering like a mad women. _

She hesitantly agreed, and followed him to his car.

She sat in the passenger's side, and he started the car, at first they drove in awkward silence. Lil had started to regret agreeing to this, she'd rather take the cold and rain then this awkward torture. They had so much history, and it's weird to be sitting here like this.

He could feel it too, the silence was horrible. "Shit there's traffic," He muttered.

"Our houses are like just five minutes away drive," She accused.

"Their was an accident, the road was closed, I had to come the longer way,"

She sighed in frustration, sinking back in her seat.

He groaned when he saw the lights turn red in front of him, "Trust me, this sucks as much for me as it does for you," He stated wryly, before fumbling with the radio knob, and turning threw stations until one was finally clear enough to hear.

"**Now to play the requested song and who are you dedicating this song to Josh?"**

"**It's for my ex girlfriend, she left me a few months ago and I don't know why. I want for her to here this song; our love was too strong to be broken with stupid misunderstandings, I just need to know why, you know."**

Lil frowned, the story sounded familiar, kind of like her and Tommy.

_Oh shit,_ Tommy thought, fidgeting in his seat hoping the traffic would clear our soon.

"**That's really sad, I hope we reach her. And here's the song, **_**Stolen**_**"**

…

_You were my eyes when I couldn't see  
You were my air when I couldn't breathe  
I think you always knew what you meant to me_

_And you were my strength when I was down  
And you made me humble when I wouldn't bow  
I held on to your promise that you'd be around_

Lil eyed Tommy nervously, _just great._

_Where were you when I was alright  
Tell me, did you know I was alright  
You left me thinking I'd be alright  
Won't you come back to me_

_It's crazy but I'm falling apart  
It's crazy how you're leaving me scarred  
It's crazy girl wherever you are  
You stole my heart_

_It's crazy but I'm going insane  
Feeling lost, confused and ashamed  
It's crazy hope you're feeling my pain  
You stole my heart  
Stolen_

_Just like a moment  
Stooolen  
You never owned it  
Stooolen  
You took away my heart_

_I was mainly lost in my own world  
Neglecting your needs and your wants girl  
If only we could try again once more_

Tommy clutched the steering wheel, staring straight ahead. He didn't want to look at Lil, yet he also didn't want to show her he felt awkward too, or that he thought this song applied to them in any way by changing the station. 

_Now it's the same sad story that we all know  
How lovers make mistakes watch it all blow  
I don't wanna be the one to let it all go, no_

_Where were you when I was alright  
Tell me, did you know I was alright  
You left me thinking I'd be alright  
Won't you come back to me_

_It's crazy but I'm falling apart  
It's crazy how you're leaving me scarred  
It's crazy girl wherever you are  
You stole my heart_

_It's crazy but I'm going insane  
Feeling lost, confused and ashamed  
It's crazy hope you're feeling my pain  
You stole my heart_

_Stooolen  
Just like a moment  
Stooolen  
You never owned it  
Stooolen  
You took away my heart_

_And no man can live without blood running through his veins  
And it's hard to remember the summer now here is rain  
I don't know how much longer that I can wait  
It's a thin line between loove aaand haaate_

Lil turned to face outside, her face turning red slightly. She wouldn't deny there were still feelings there, but these were the feelings she was trying so hard to avoid and ignore, and she really didn't want to be thinking about their relationship. And she hated that this song made her think of them.

_It's crazy but I'm falling apart (girl it's crazy)  
It's crazy how you're leaving me scarred (leaving me scarred)  
It's crazy girl wherever you are (tell me where are you, where are you)  
You stooole my heart_

_Its crazy but I'm going insane (going insane)  
Feeling lost, confused and ashamed  
It's crazy hope you're feeling my pain (are you feeling my, feeling my pain)  
You stole my heart_

_Stooolen  
Just like a moment  
Stooolen  
You never owned it  
Stooolen  
Girl you took away my heart _

… _Girl you took away my heart._

Tommy awkwardly turned off the radio, and the lights turned green.

They were off.

**A/n R&R hope you enjoy. : )**


	9. Chapter 9

It had been two months since Tommy's arrival, and things between them were at their worst

It had been two months since Tommy's arrival, and things between them were at their worst. Tommy and Lil no longer acknowledged each other. They were in the same hospitality class, but Lil sat with her new boyfriend, Lucas, while Tommy and Chuckie sat at their own table.

While these two hadn't regained their old relationship, they had decided to be civil to each other.

Chuckie couldn't forgive Tommy for what he did to Lil, and Tommy wouldn't give him any explanations, which kept the wall built between them. And deep inside him, there was still that Chuckie who had been left broken hearted when his best friend had disappeared on him, but Chuckie would never admit to it.

Tommy and Lil kind of danced around each other in the halls, Tommy would look away if he saw her with Lucas, and Lil would pretend not to notice when Tommy was surrounded with girls in the hallway.

It only mad sense, before he left he was one of the hottest guys in school, yet he was taken. When he comes back with a new style and aura of mystery and single, of course all the girls would go crazy. It annoyed Lil at how desperate these girls could be, they didn't even care that they looked pathetic shamelessly flirting with Tommy or carelessly throwing themselves at him.

It was kind of insulting, because some of the girls that she had considered her friends were there too, and everyone had known about Tommy and Lil's relationship and her heartbreak when he left, and for them to be doing this was shallow.

But Lil tried not to think of that, she now had a great boyfriend that really seem to care for her and it didn't hurt that he was extremely cute.

Phil went on with life pretending Tommy hadn't come back. Tommy had been one of his best friends, but now, he absolutely hated Tommy. He could never forgive him, and hadn't acknowledged him from day one.

"Phil wait!"

Phil turned to see his twin running to catch up with him in the school hallway. He sighed, as he waited for her to catch up. When she finally caught up, it was to slap his arm angrily, "You're such an asshole."

He frowned, "What did I do?"

"Are you going to semi-formal with Gabrielle?" She demanded.

Phil rolled his eyes, as he continued to walk towards his next class. But Lil caught up and blocked his way, "Why would you do that? You know how that would hurt Kimi-…"

"It has been four months since we've broken up!" Phil snapped, "Do I really have to feel bad about going to a dance with another girl?"

"That's funny; I remember how you felt when you thought Kimi was going out with that Josh guy, even thought they were just friends, you were so hurt at even the thought of Kimi moving on, and now for you to pull this, that's pretty low,"

Phil sighed, "I know, but it's been _four_ months, and she broke up with me. I don't know what else to do; I'm not going to beg her to come back to me,"

"How would you feel if she went to the dance with another guy?"

"I know, that's why I said no."

"Huh?"

"I'm not going to the dance with Gabrielle,"

"But I heard she asked you-…"

"And I said no,"

Lil seemed a little taken back by that, "Oh,"

"Next time you wanna come charging at me like an angry wolf, get your facts straight," He inserted.

She smiled slightly, "Sorry,"

He rolled his eyes, resting a hand on her shoulder, "I still care about Kimi, even though we've broken up for so long. I don't personally want to go up and ask her to the dance, because she broke up with me, and if she says no to me, then my pride would totally be down the toilet, but I was wondering if you could bring up with her, if she seems open to the idea, then ask her for me,"

"But wouldn't it be better if you just-…"

"Alright thanks Sis," He said quickly, before entering his class.

Lil watched him go with a shake of her head, before turning to go toward her own class. She entered her English class and sat beside the sulking Kimi.

"I can't believe him," She whined sadly.

Lil smiled, "Me neither, he said no to Gabrielle, and she's pretty hot,"

Kimi looked up quickly, "What? He said no!"

Lil laughed, "Of course he said no,"

Kimi opened her mouth in shock, relief written all over her face, "Oh thank god," She began but then caught herself, "Not that I really care," She covered up coolly.

Lil rolled her eyes, "Oh so you don't care?"

"Of course not,"

"Ok, I guess I'll just have to tell Phil that you don't want to go to semi with him," Lil shrugged, containing a smile.

"_What did you just say?_" Kimi asked, turning to give Lil her full attention, a slow blush forming on her cheeks.

Lil brushed it off, "Whatever it doesn't matter, you don't care anyways,"

"No, just tell me,"

"Oh nothing, I totally forgot what I said," Lil stated innocently.

"Well me answer is yes,"

"Huh, for what?"

Kimi blushed, "Lil!" She groaned.

Lil laughed, "Ok I'm sorry, so you _do _care then huh?"

"Of course I care, I always cared," she whispered, blushing beet red.

Lil smiled.

After class, Lil quickly made for her locker to put her textbook away. She heard the bell rang and groaned knowing she'd be late to her next class. She threw her book in and grabbed her other books, and as she shut and turned around she felt herself being pinned to her locker.

"Hey," She called out, until she found herself inches away from a pair of green eyes. She smiled, "Lucas, we're late,"

His arms snaked around her waist, and he leaned in closer to her, "So?"

"So we're going to get in trouble, especially if a teacher sees us,"

"No one's in the hall," He grinned.

She squirmed slightly, but his grip tightened, "You realize it's been more then an hour since you've kissed me?"

She grinned, "Oh yeah?"

He pouted, "Yeah," Before he leaned in even more to close the distance between them, and capture her lips. She felt his lips cover hers and closed her eyes in bliss. She wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss.

In the last two months, these two had slowly gotten closer. Going out on dates and spending hours on the phone, Lil finally felt that emotion again. The emotion that Tommy had broken for her, she finally wanted to spend time with another guy, and she finally wanted to kiss another guy.

It had taken much effort for her to open up to Lucas, but she was glad she was able to do it.

Of course she would never be able to completely forget Tommy, or the feelings she had for him, but it was easier when she had someone that really cared for her, and she cared for back.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked, breaking the kiss.

Lil shook her head, plastering a smile on her lips, "About how good your kisses are," She winked.

He grinned, pulling her closer, "Yeah well if I had my way, you'd get these good kisses constantly for the rest of today,"

"Unfortunately, we have class," she pouted.

He groaned, "I don't want to go," He whispered, nibbling on her neck softly.

She giggled, "Stop before I lose any will power I have,"

He smirked, "Oh yeah?"

She laughed, pushing him away playfully before dodging his attempts to grab her again as she ran down the hall, turning to stick her tongue out at him. He pouted playfully.

As soon as she turned the corner, she went square into someone and almost lost her balance until she was steadied by a pair of steady arms. She had been knocked out of breath and looked up to find herself in the arms of the one and only Tommy Pickles.

_Great, the last person she wanted to see._

He looked past her to see Lucas oblivious to all this, walking in the other direction, and smirked at the breathless Lil, "What? Opened your eyes and realized he wasn't me?"

She frowned, pulling out of his arms.

"I mean, if you were really that desperate to be in my arms, you could've just asked, I might have given you a pity hug or something," He stated smugly.

A look of hurt flashed through her eyes, before they were quickly masked with disgust, "Puhlease, when all the guys in this world are dead, I _might_ consider it," she sniped, before brushing past him.

"Oh Lil, want to go to semi with me," He teased after her cruelly.

She turned around to stick out the middle finger, causing him to laugh with a roll of his blue eyes.

**A/n Semi formal coming up. : ) Drama? Of course! **


	10. Chapter 10

Lil and Kimi stood in front of the full length mirror and critically eyed their own dresses.

Lil's was a baby pink dress, strapless and cascading fittingly down to about 10 cm above her knee. The top was fitted complimentarily against her curves, and the short length made her legs look longer then they actually were, "Is it too short?" Lil asked, eyeing the length unsurely.

"Yeah," Kimi admitted slyly, "But you look _hot_, Lucas won't be able to keep his eyes off you… or his hands," She finished with a wink, causing Lil to blush slightly before quickly changing the topic.

"My only worry is, Phil might drown us with his drool once he lays his eyes on you," She teased with a playful nudge.

Kimi tried hard to keep the red off her face, but failed miserably and rolled her eyes, "Yeah okay there," She stated, looking at herself in the mirror, "I think my dress might be too plain," she commented with a frown.

Lil's eyes averted off herself and onto Kimi's reflection. Her dress was a one strapped black figure hugging number. The top was tight around her, and the bottom flowed out elegantly, "Are you joking? I love how the only thing besides black on the dress is the beautiful silver embroidery at the top hem. Simply gorgeous," Lil answered honestly, "And I'm serious about Phil drooling." She added laughing.

Kimi shook her head, "I seriously can't believe I'm going with him still, I feel like it's not true, like I'm going to go, and it's just going to be a joke or something," Kimi whispered insecurely.

Lil smiled, putting her arms around Kimi's shoulders, "Do you really think Phil would do that to you, _or_ that _I _would ever let him?" She asked, giving her a tight squeeze, resting her head against Kimi's.

Kimi smiled, "You're right,"

"Always am," Lil stated shrugging with a mock cocky smile, as she pulled away and pulled out the clip she had put her hair up with, "Time for hair,"

"_Yes it is!_"

The two girls turned to find Angelica entering the room with a handful of hair products, "Sorry I'm late girls,"

"Didn't we decide to leave at the same time?" Kimi asked suspiciously.

"Yeah, but… me and Chuckie got kind of… sidetracked," Angelica winked, causing Kimi to make a face of disgust.

"Oh god," Kimi groaned covering her eyes as if it helped.

"Metal image is already there," Angelica winked, shoving her over with a push of her hip, as she squeezed in between the two.

"Metal image was there the day I walked in on you two in his room the other day," Kimi mumbled dryly.

"Ew _gross!_" Lil squealed, looking at Angelica incredulously, who winked in response.

"Let's just say, Kimi has now learned to knock," She teased.

Kimi nodded quickly, "Kimi has also learned to _never_ go anywhere _near_ Chuckie's room if Angelica is there,"

Lil and Angelica burst out laughing.

An hour later, they had finally done each other's hair; Angelica's in a loose bun, with curly hair coming out all over, and two strands of straight hair left out to frame her face, Kimi's on the other, had straight hair, with random curly strands in it, and Lil's was all locks of curls, with only her bangs straightened, parted to the left, as her bangs slanted across her forehead. They looked at each other in approval, "I can't wait until the guys see us," Angelica said, with a smirk.

Kimi and Lil looked at each other insecurely, not as sure as Angelica, and a little nervous about seeing the guys. Though Lil and Lucas had become inseparable over the last two and a half months, they hadn't ever gone out so formally. Kimi and Phil on the other hand, had tiptoed around each other for so long now, and had denied their feelings for each other so stubbornly; it was weird to be going to the dance together. And Kimi only prayed it wouldn't be too awkward.

But the girls were interrupted when they heard the doorbell ring. Lil had kicked Phil out of the house so the girls could all get dressed together, and all the guys had lounged at Chuckie's place until now. Angelica peeked from the curtains and gasped, turning back to the other two anxious girls, "There's a friggin _hummer _outside!" She stated, shocked.

"What?" Both girls questioned shocked, pushing Angelica out of the way to take a look themselves, and were shocked to realize Angelica was telling the truth. A gorgeous huge black hummer stood parked in Lil's driveway. The bell rang again, startling the three dazzled girls, causing them to hurry downstairs and quickly throw the door open.

"Thank god," Chuckie smirked.

"We were panicking, and thought you girls had found other dates," Lucas teased.

Phil smiled timidly, peering at Kimi, almost shyly.

Kimi blushed, playing with her fingers.

The other two girls rolled their eyes at the guys, playfully modeling their dresses out.

"You look beautiful," Phil whispered sincerely, causing Kimi to look up with a flattered smile, when he noticed everyone staring, he quickly stammered on, "I mean you all do,"

Lil rolled her eyes, "Okay, we totally believe you now, stop drooling Phil,"

Phil quickly averted his eyes away from Kimi, blushing as the other two guys laughed.

"But seriously, you girls look amazing," Lucas added sincerely, as the three guys brought their hidden hands from behind their back to reveal a rose for each of the girl.

The girls took their roses with smiles, Angelica looked at the three guys, "Not bad yourselves,"

The three guys in front of them had all dressed in tuxes, with a tie to match their respective partners dress colour.

"Not bad at all," Lil winked at Lucas, causing Lucas to grin back.

"Ok, no flirting in front of the brother," Phil stated, breaking their googly eyes.

"That goes for you too, Phil," Chuckie stated, with a nod.

Phil laughed, "Of course,"

"Alright, are we going to wait here all day, or are you girls gonna come with us, I'm still scared three others guys are gonna show up to take you," Lucas laughed.

Angelica nodded, "Let's hit the road, but first, whose hummer is _that_," She squealed, pushing through the guys to admire it.

The other two followed.

"Mine," Lucas grinned.

Lil looked to him in surprise.

"Oh yeah, and babe, I'm filthy rich," he winked, putting an arm around her bare shoulders.

Phil laughed, "That's an understatement, the guys literally rolling in it," He stated, as they all _comfortably _piled in.

"Wow," Lil whispered as they got in, "I've never been in a hummer, guess we know who's driving me to school here on after," She laughed.

"Any time babe," Lucas stated, looking sideways at her with a grin.

Phil coughed, causing them to look away from each other.

As soon as they arrived, loud music hammered against Lil's ear drum, and at the group's entrance, all eyes turned to stare. They were undoubtedly the most interesting group there. They had the popular publicly heart broken beautiful Lil, with Tommy's biggest competition in looks popularity and sports, Lucas. Then there was the nerd-turned-stud Chuckie with bad girl bitch, to bad girl bitch with a heart, Angelica –the most popular couple in school. And lastly, always arguing pair that everyone knew would get together, and when they did, dreadfully broken apart and _now back together?, _Phil and Kimi who were matching and holding hands.

Lil looked around, knowing people were whispering about her being with Lucas. And she knew everyone had their own theories, from her being with Lucas cause he was like Tommy, to them _pretending _to be together to make Tommy jealous.

At this point, she didn't care what other people talked about. For how long could she worry and fret over others opinions, it didn't matter anymore, she was over it.

The individual couples were on the dance floor right away, dancing to the midway song they had walked in on. Lil was having a great time, all the people she cared about were around her… well most, and they were having a blast. Playfully bumping into each other, trading partners, and just dancing as a group, and Lil could tell Phil and Kimi were really hitting it off again, and slowly even adapting into their banter relationship, as Kimi complained about Phil stepping on her toes, and Phil denying it stubbornly.

Angelica and Chuckie were doing what they did best, being in the spot light for outrageous behaviour, as they grinded against each other, and carelessly locked mouths.

Lil laughed at them, but her laugh was cut short when Lucas's hands encircled her waist and pulled her against him. She looked at him surprised, and smirking he motioned to the occupied Phil whose attention was solely on Kimi.

She could see curious eyes on them, and tried to put some distance between them, but was too late, he had already leaned in to kiss her. She would've broken it, had her eyes not connected with dark intense ones a few feet down. She closed her eyes, and gave into the kiss completely, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Lil," He whispered after the kiss, "I might be falling for you,"

She froze, a part of her wanted to say it back, had meant it back, but why had her eyes traveled to another pair of eyes that didn't belong the guy who held her in his arms currently.

She looked back to Lucas, his eyes sincere and she melted, "I think I'm falling for you too," She whispered.

He smiled satisfied, his arms pulling her into an affectionate hug. She clung to him, a smile on her lips, but sadness in her eyes. She knew she was right, she was falling for Lucas, and it made her sad. She was sad that the great love she thought she had wasn't going to get a chance. She was scared she might be falling for her second best.

But she shook head, as she noticed Teresa clinging to Tommy's arm, and the fact that they actually looked good together made Lil frown. Tommy was wearing a black tux, with a red shirt underneath to match Teresa's red dress that unfortunately, looked pretty good on her.

But she looked away from them, as her and Lucas began to slowly move to the beat of a slow song that had just started. And she smiled up at him, from the side of her eye; she could see Phil and Kimi, as well as Chuckie and Angelica in an almost identical pose.

Tommy watched Lil from across the room. She looked happy in the arms of Lucas, and that made him cringe. He hated seeing her in his arms, and he hated the way Lucas's had Lil wrapping tightly in his arms. _Shouldn't there be like a code to how close people can get at a __**school dance**__, _he wondered bitterly.

He could hear guys whispering excitedly beside him, and he glanced to see that they had snuck alcohol into the dance and were slipping it into their punch to hide it. He rolled his eyes; every dance had to have some of those guys. He hissed to get their attention, and nodded at them, motioning for them to send him a drink too.

They nodded, filling a cup with alcohol and putting a little bit of punch into it to change the colour. They passed it to him, and he took a huge gulp, looking back toward Lil. She was staring up at Lucas, and their eyes seem to lock.

Tommy snorted bitterly, taking another swig.

Teresa looked up at him, "Let's dance Tommy," She said, tugging on his arm.

Tommy ignored her, as he glared at the dancing couple, quickly throwing all the liquid in his mouth with one last huge gulp.

The song ended, and Teresa tugged on his arm to dance to the second one, but Tommy took his arm out of her grasp, "In a bit," He stated, pushing past the dancing couples, toward the one in particular.

He didn't know what he was doing, or why he was doing it, but he didn't seem to have any control on himself, or his feet as they led him to the one person he had run away from.

Before he could stop himself, he tapped Lucas's shoulder, "May I cut in," He asked, and before Lucas could say anything, he slipped in between them, taking Lil's hands in his, causing Lucas to have to step back involuntarily.

Lil looked at him surprised, before glaring at him, "Tommy-…"

"Just one dance," He heard himself say. And his voice was so definite, that Lil was forced to bite back the rest of her words, and apologetically smiled at Lucas, who nodded, "Its okay, I'm thirsty anyways," he said, unsurely walking away from the two former lovers.

Now onlookers didn't even bother to hide their curiosity and some actually stopped dancing to look.

"Are you trying to embarrass me in front of everyone, because you have already accomplished that… twice," Lil hissed, consciously looking away from the eyes.

"Just one dance Lil," He repeated, "I just want one dance," He whispered.

Lil was a little startled by this, _why had he suddenly taken off his hate smirking mask?_

Lil gulped, and as the new song was introduced, his hands slipped around her waist, and pulled her close, causing her to become suddenly breathless. She hated herself; she absolutely despised herself for how her heart thudded against her chest loudly at the feeling of being this close to Tommy again. The fact that her knees suddenly became week, and tingles of excitement ran through her spine made her curse her body's betrayal.

She still kept some distance, his body stiff in his arms, as the song started.

_When you look me in the eyes_

Lil cursed the dj, knowing that they had purposely put on a song like this when they saw that these two were on the dance floor together. They wanted emotion to show, so everyone could watch. And as much as Lil tried to conceal her feelings and put on a neutral unrevealing mask, she couldn't.

_If the heart is always searching,  
Can you ever find a home?  
I've been looking for that someone;  
I'll never make it on my own.  
Dreams can't take the place of loving you,  
There's gotta be a million reasons why it's true_

_When you look me in the eyes,  
And tell me that you love me.  
Everything's alright,  
When you're right here by my side.  
When you look me in the eyes,  
I catch a glimpse of heaven.  
I find my paradise,  
When you look me in the eyes. _

Lil could feel herself losing control of her body. Her arms had traveled from their stiff spot on his shoulders, to slowly encircle his neck, leaning in to him closer. And to her surprise, Tommy pulled her closer.

_How long will I be waiting,  
To be with you again  
Gonna tell you that I love you,  
In the best way that I can.  
I can't take a day without you here,  
You're the light that makes my darkness disappear.  
_

Lil's eyes slowly traveled up from his shoulder, and boldly looked up at Tommy, to find that his eyes were on her as well. She felt a tear form in her eye, forgetting everyone else, forgetting the staring crowd, and momentarily, even forgetting Lucas.

_When you look me in the eyes,  
And tell me that you love me.  
Everything's alright,  
When you're right here by my side.  
When you look me in the eyes,  
I catch a glimpse of heaven.  
I find my paradise,  
When you look me in the eyes.  
_

She was lost; his pools of blue were drowning her. She couldn't find it in her to look away as she lost herself in his gaze.

_  
More and more, I start to realize,  
I can reach my tomorrow,  
I can hold my head high,  
And it's all because you're by my side._

_When you look me in the eyes,  
And tell me that you love me.  
Everything's alright,  
When you're right here by my side.  
When I hold you in my arms  
I know that it's forever  
I just gotta let you know  
I never wanna let you go  
_

Tommy's grip on her tightened, and now they were so close to each other that she could feel his heartbeat.

_  
Cause when you look me in the eyes.  
_

A single tear slowly slid down her cheek treacherously, and she blinked in surprise, but even more surprised when Tommy's hand left her waist, to gently wipe the tear off her, "Lil I-…" he began slowly.

_  
And tell me that you love me.  
Everything's alright, _

His eyes weren't the hard cold ones that she had seem for the last months, they were the soft ones filled with love and care, they were the ones that belonged to _her Tommy. _

_  
When you're right here by my side.  
When you look me in the eyes, _

Looking into his eyes, her heart churned and she could feel a knot form in her throat, knowing she had finally seen Tommy after more then two years today… at that moment._  
_

_I catch a glimpse of heaven.  
I find my paradise,  
When you look me in the eyes.  
Oh_

"Yes," Lil whispered, unknowingly holding her breath.

_When you look me in the eyes…_

"I…"

She knew the song was over, and it was time to let go, but she refused to let go just yet, she couldn't break the moment; she needed to know what he had to say. She knew what he was about to say, but she wanted –no needed, to hear it from him. She thirsted to hear it from him.

He opened his mouth again, but before anything could come out, they heard someone clear their throat behind him, and he automatically let go of her, and turned to reveal a not so happy Lucas.

Lil missed the strong arms around her right away, "Tommy-…"

"I… have to go," He stuttered, much to Lil's disappointment, and before she could stop him, he had turned and brushed past Lucas.

Lil was about to follow him, before Lucas side stepped to block her way, "Lil, what the _hell _was that?" He accused, but she wasn't really listening, she had just seen a glimpse of the old Tommy in his eyes… _her Tommy._ She didn't want to let him go, she couldn't.

"Lucas let me-…" She began, walking around him but he grabbed her arm.

"_Lil!_"

"Lucas I have to go," She pleaded, before pulling her arm out of his grasp, and shocked to find herself running. She barely caught a glimpse of Tommy slipping out of the exit doors, and she ran after him. She got outside to find that rain was pouring like crazy, and there was actually lightening. Lightening had always frightened her more then anything.

She could see Tommy crossing the street, unbothered by the attacking rain, as he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.

Lil knew he was frustrated about letting her see the old him.

A reasonable part of her told her to go back inside, run back inside to your loved ones. The ones that cared about you, unlike Tommy, who had done nothing but hurt her. It told her to not care, go apologize to Lucas, and continue the great time she was having. But she knew it wasn't going to happen. She stepped out of the shield of the doorway, and the rain brutally attacked her right away, soaking her beautiful expensive dress. But it didn't matter.

Soon she was running across the street and running to catch up to the oblivious Tommy.

"Tommy _wait!_" She yelled over the rain.

He turned around shocked, "Lil go away, go back to the dance," He yelled, continuing to walk away, and slowly picking up speed.

She shook her head, and determinedly caught up to him, pulling his arm to turn him to face her, "Tommy, what were you going to say in there," She asked loudly, her hand cupping over her forehead to shield her eyes from the rain that was dripping down both of their faces.

He shook his head, "Nothing, I wasn't going to say anything,"

"Yes you were!" She yelled, "_You wanted to say you loved me!_" She screamed, angered by the mask of uncare he was putting on his facial expression again.

"No, I wasn't," He said.

"Shut up Tommy, tell me the truth, _tell me the truth for once god damnit!" _She accused, shivering as the cold rain had completely soaked her now, so that her dress was clinging to her body, and her hair were now draped against her face, her bare arms shaking, as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"I don't care about you anymore," He insisted, as he shrugged out of his tux jacket to drape it around her shoulders.

She couldn't help but laugh at the irony, "Tommy, _stop with this façade,_" she begged, "Please lets just stop this,"

He shook his head, "Go back inside," He instructed sternly.

She shook her head.

"You're going to freeze to death, your shivering like a mad woman,"

"I'm always shivering like a mad woman," She stated, smiling as she remembered their last encounter in the rain.

He didn't smile, "Lil, go inside,"

"No," She shook her head stubbornly. She had just seen the man she loved after more then two years. She wouldn't give up now; she had to break through to him.

"Fine, you're going to freeze to death in this rain," He yelled angrily.

She shrugged, "Okay fine, I will, it's not like you _care_?"

In truth, she was this close to passing out. Not only was the lightening scaring the crap out of her, but she was _freezing! _

He glared at her, but before he could say anything lightening flashed to light up the whole sky, as thunder helped its frightening effect, causing Lil to scream out in terror, and fall into Tommy's arms, clinging to his soaking shirt. His shirt held tightly in her tiny fists, as she pressed herself close to Tommy, breathing heavily, fear in her eyes.

Tommy stared at her. Her right temple was literally against his lip, and her hair blocking his eyes. He reflectively wrapped his arms around the shivering girl, and the soaked pair stood together quietly, his arms protectively around her. He could get himself to pull away.

Soon she finally mustered enough courage to look up at him, and realized for the first time how close they were. Their lips were literally an inch apart. Even soaked in rain, she could smell a mix of the aftershave and his own scent. He had always smelled like hay to her, in the beautifully fresh way, and she took a little sniff.

"Still like the smell huh," He teased.

She nodded, her eyes trailing down to his lips.

His gulped, as he leaned in half an inch, he could feel their lips slightly brushing against each other.

"We can't,"

"Why,"

"Because I don't love you,"

She looked up at him hurt, pulling away slightly, "_Why, Tommy don't you want this,_ cause it's pretty clear that you do still have feelings for me, then why are you pushing me away?" She asked angered.

"I'm sorry,"

"Seriously Tommy?" She whispered, desperately searching his eyes for his love again.

He shrugged, his hands loosening as he pulled away from him, his eyes back to the masked emotionless ones.

Tears now fell out of her eyes uncontrollably, "Why, Tommy why are you doing this to me, please stop, _tell me you love me_," She begged.

He shook his head.

She grabbed his shirt again, pulling him closer to her, "Tommy?"

He shut his eyes closed, taking a deep breath, "No,"

A sob escaped her lips as she shoved him away from her, "Fuck you Tommy," She yelled, "I hate you,"

And once again, heartbroken, with one last look of hurt, she ran from him.

Tommy sighed, his hand clutching his head as he turned around, but he couldn't take a step as he felt himself be roughly shoved against the brick wall to the side of him. His breath was sucked in, as he found himself eye to eye with a raging Phil DeVille.

"Phil-…" He began.

"You're such a fucking asshole," Phil yelled, as he pulled his fist back, and with force brought it to connect with the side of Tommy's mouth. Tommy staggered back as Phil shoved him away from the wall, and he landed on the sidewalk, his hand going up to feel the blood tricking from the side of his mouth, "_Ah,_"

"I swear to god, I will fucking murder you for hurting my sister,"

"Phil you don't know what you're talking about," Tommy stated, standing up to back away from the angry Phil.

"Like fuck I don't, _I watched my sister cry herself to sleep more times then I can count you bastard. I watched as she walked through the school hallways, hurt as people gossiped about her, laughed at her, felt pity for her. You left her broken for two years, yet she didn't look at any other guy, she didn't go out with anyone for the two years you disappeared on her. What a dumbass, she was loyal to the guy that broke her heart and ran away." _Phil shoved Tommy again, but this time Tommy was ready, and steadied himself before he could fall, "_You come back, and treat her like shit. She didn't get an explanation for why you left her without any notice. She blamed herself for two years, analyzing every conversation you two had to see what she had done wrong. But she didn't DO anything wrong. You come back to break her broken heart-again? What the fuck is wrong with you?" _Phil asked, grabbing Tommy's collar and pushing him against the wall again.

Anger built up in Tommy's eyes, as he pushed Phil off him, "_What the fuck is wrong with me?_ I _left _**because **I loved your sister so much!" Tommy finally yelled, not able to take it anymore, the insults, attacks, looks, assumptions, he just couldn't take it anymore.

Phil frowned, "What the hell are you talking about? You broke her heart because you _loved _her?" He asked, mocking.

Tommy glared at him, "Yes I did. I love her more then you would ever know."

Phil rolled his eyes, but Tommy cast his eyes downwards, his jaw clenching sadly, "You want to know why I left, alright listen. It all happened that evening; I was dropping Lil at your porch,"

_Flashback_

_Tommy wrapped his arms around Lil, as they stood at her porch. She tried to loosen his grasp, "Tommy, I have to go!" She complained, "Dad's going to be home soon, he wouldn't like to see you molesting his daughter,"_

_Tommy laughed, as he tightened his grasp, "You don't seem to mind too much," He winked, nibbling on her neck lightly, letting her feel his warm breath on her neck, the way he knew drove her mad. _

_She moaned, and he could feel her cling to him, they way she always did when he caused her to go weak in the knees, he smirked, "Wow, I have you wrapped around my finger, don't I?"_

"_Ha," She snorted, but didn't deny it._

_He grinned, capturing her lips as she turned to look up at him, and pulling away before she could deepen it. She moaned pouting, before he pressed his lips against hers again, but once more, pulled away quickly. _

"_I hate you," she whined._

"_I love you," he grinned, causing her to smile._

"_You have to go," She mumbled in disappointment._

"_You're right," He admitted, his arms loosening around her._

"_Don't go," She pleaded, her face at his neck, taking in his sweet smell that made her feel safe._

_He laughed, "You're dads gonna be home soon," _

_She groaned, "I know,"_

"_I'll see you tomorrow,"_

"_But I don't want to wait that long,"_

"_I can sneak into your room tonight," He whispered in her ear suggestively._

_She blushed, pushing him away playfully, "Get outta here, dirt ball,"_

_He smiled, pulling her in for a quick kiss, "See you tomorrow,"_

"_I love you," She called, as he turned to walk down the steps._

"_I love you too," He smiled, with a mischievous wink. _

_She smiled happily as she watched him cross the lawn to his house, before turning to go inside._

_Tommy walked into his house, a smile still on his lips, "I'm home," he stated, throwing his backpack to the side, before making his way to the kitchen. He saw a platter of cookies on the counter, along with an unmade batch. He grabbed a made cookie, and held it with his teeth as he grabbed a cup and took the milk carton out._

_He finally turned his attention to his mom, who was sitting at the kitchen table with his dad and Dil, "You didn't finish making the cookies," he asked, sitting at the last seat, slightly surprised that the whole family was just sitting at the table, "What's going on?"_

_His mom looked up at him tearfully, and as much as she tried to compose herself, she ended up breaking down against her husband's chest, crying loudly._

_Tommy frowned, "Mom, what's wrong." He turned to Dil, "Dil, why is she crying, what happened, did anyone say anything to mom?" He asked, getting up, "Dil, what did you do?" he accused._

_Dil just shook his head, his hands in a fist, and Tommy was shocked to find him tearing up as well, as tears dripped on the kitchen table, "Ok, what's wrong?" He looked at Stu, "Dad?"_

_Stu had dried tears on his cheeks, "We got the results for the blood test we did two weeks ago,"_

"_So, we do one every year?" Tommy asked, not knowing how that related to his mom and Dil crying._

"_Tommy," He started, blubbering up slightly. "The-…" But he trailed off, his eyes containing his heartbreak. _

"_Just tell me already!" Tommy yelled in frustration. None of them were able to meet his eyes, but Tommy turned on Dil, placing his hand on Dil's shoulder and kneeling to be face to face with him, "Dil, please tell me what's going on?" He pleaded, desperately. _

_Dil rubbed his eyes, shaking his head as new ones fell in their place._

"_You have cancer,"_

**A/n longest chapter of my life. Oh god, the ending is so intense. Please leave by a review to let me know what you think of this latest revelation. **


	11. Chapter 11

Tommy pressed the pack of ice against his busted lip as they sat in his room the next morning, "Phil, she can't know anything,"

"But _why?_ It was so hard to see her last night and not tell her the truth." Phil admitted in frustration, "Why don't you want her to know, other wise she's going to hate you for hurting her,"

Tommy sighed, turning in his computer chair, to look away from the questioning eyes, "That's what I want,"

"I don't understand," Phil shrugged, trying to comprehend what the guy in front of him was thinking, "Why would you want her to hate you, Tommy that doesn't make sense. I think she'd understand that you left because you had cancer and didn't think she'd be able to deal with it."

Tommy sank back into his seat, "I didn't leave because I thought she wouldn't want to deal with it, I left because I knew she _would_." Tommy explained, "She would want to be there for me, she would revolve her life around my condition, and she's too young to have to do deal with that,"

"_You _were too young to deal with that,"

"But I didn't have any other way, she did. I know this doesn't make sense to you, or I'm not making sense, I don't know, but this how I felt. We had just started high school, she was smart, beautiful, caring –the whole package, how could I burden her with me?"

Phil shook his head, "But, she wouldn't feel burdened, she would want to be there for you, she would-…"

"She loved me, so she would put her whole life on hold to be there for me, but I loved her too, and I would never let her do that." Tommy stated simply with a little shrug, his eyes clouding over slightly in thought.

Phil stared at Tommy for a second, _how could he have been so selfless? He was so young and had just been diagnosed with cancer, yet he still thought of what was better for my sister. _Phil couldn't understand how someone could make that big of a sacrifice, he knew he would never be able to do that. He would want his family and friends and the person he loved with him, taking care of him, trying to cheer him up. But he never thought of what the other person goes through. Their hurt, their change in life, their barriers… but Tommy did that for Lil, for all of them.

_He would rather have Lil hate him then hurt over him._

But Phil looked up suddenly, "But now you're back, and you're fine. So why can't you tell her now?" He asked.

Tommy didn't respond for a second, causing Phil to stubbornly not say anything until Tommy answered. Finally, he saw Tommy's lips move, but he couldn't hear anything, "What?" He asked, squinting to hear.

"Phil… I'm not better,"

"I'm glad you came," She said, as they sat on the love seat in her room, her between his legs and her back pressed comfortably against his chest as his legs were propped up so his feet were resting on her bed and her legs were resting on his. Her head was just below his chin as she turned to look up at him, "I was afraid you wouldn't," She admitted.

He sighed, "Lil, why would you be afraid I wouldn't come. What I said yesterday about falling for you was the absolute truth," He said sincerely, looking down at her face, "But I'm afraid you weren't being honest, when you said it back,"

Lil looked back down away from him at her socked feet, "I _was _being honest," She murmured.

"If you were being honest, you would be able to look at me right now, and if you were being honest, you wouldn't have ran after Tommy last night," He said, regretfully.

Lil intertwined her fingers with his, "I'm sorry I ran after Tommy. I was wrong, and I know that now. That's my biggest regret of the night," She agreed bitterly, "And I'm sorry, he's my past," She replied, before finally bending her neck to look up into his eyes, "And _he will stay there_,"

Lucas paused for a moment, before leaning down to capture her lips.

**It had been a month. A month since the day after the dance… and a lot had changed.**

Tommy and Phil had slowly built back their best friend relationship they once had, and even though Phil didn't totally agree with Tommy's decision to not tell Lil, he some what understood it –and respected him for it. And what about Lucas and Lil? Those two were going as strong as ever. They were tied to the hip as they were rarely seen apart unless it was different classes, and even in that case the one who got out first would be waiting for the other one right outside of their class. The biggest change of all though, was Lil. She had gone from the innocent sweet broken angel to a bitch. Well to Tommy at least, and wasn't shy to snub any others that hung out with him –including Phil.

"Dude, you can't play in the game today," Phil instructed exasperated that Tommy even considered it. The captain of the football team had offered Tommy a quarterback position when one of their players got injured last game, and after checking his skills during a practice, he was part of the team… and playing in today's game.

Tommy shook his head, "Don't worry about it, I'll be fine,"

"Are you kidding me? You don't think I searched up your condition, you're-…" Phil trailed off as a group of friends neared, "Your _condition_, you shouldn't risk anything, I don't know, but I don't like it," He stated, trying to be as stern as possible.

"Relax mom," Tommy teased, but when he noticed Phil wasn't going to cave, he sighed, "I'll take care of myself. I'm sick of not getting to live my life the way I want to." From the side of his eye he saw a couple turn the hall, and he turned to find Lucas and Lil arms around each others waist, walking down the hall.

Phil saw the slightly pained look on Tommy's face and followed his eyes to see his sister with her boyfriend and grimaced.

"I think I've sacrificed enough," He murmured, more to himself.

Phil hung his head, "Promise to be careful,"

Tommy shrugged at him, "I don't have a choice,"

Tommy glanced slightly at Lil, unfortunately she looked up and caught him just then, and turned up her nose in disgust with a slight scowl on her face, but it suddenly turned to a smirk and as they walked past, she covered her mouth slightly, "_Asshole_," She coughed out.

Phil glared at her, "Bitchier and bitchier by the day," He commented, his glare continuing after the couple.

Tommy shrugged, "C'mon, the teams meeting early,"

Lucas and Lil leaned against the school wall outside, with Lil between Lucas and the wall, "Get this, the loser's gonna qb in today's game,"

Lil rolled her eyes, "What's he trying to do, be cool again or something? Like I think he's not _that _dumb, he knows that to be cool, he would have to be accepted by _us,_ and that's not happening."

Lucas nodded, "He isn't getting into the jocks, because they know befriending him would mean being disowned by us. The only one he's getting is your brother, which I don't understand. He use to hate Tommy before, don't know what got into him,"

Lil shrugged, "I don't get it either. That's what pisses me off. Why would he betray me like that?" She asked, masking the pain in her voice.

Lucas shrugged, wrapping his arm around her, "Who cares babe. I have to get to my team meeting, you're coming to the game right?"

Lil grinned, "Wouldn't miss it," With that, he pecked her lips quickly before rushing off to catch up to the others.

Lil could see Tommy and Phil making their way toward the stadium as well, and frowned. _Why would Phil do that to her. Phil knew that Tommy broke her heart, why would he betray her? _This had slowly caused a build up of resentment in her, where she hardly ever spoke to her brother anymore. Where her and Phil once were able to talk about everything, and had their playful banter every morning over the car, now they hardly saw each other, despite living in the same house. Lucas picked and dropped her off, and Lil was usually out with Lucas after school and then went straight to her room. Nothing compared to their late night conversations, and playful teasing. She missed her brother, which caused her to hate Tommy even more.

Lil met up with Kimi outside her class. Kimi had kind of gotten stuck between the twins. Her friendship with Lil and relationship with Phil were both slightly taking hits due to their hostility to each other. She smiled at Lil, "Hey, where's Lucas?" She asked, surprised he wasn't with her.

Lil rolled her eyes, "He isn't _always _with me,"

Kimi raised her brow in argument.

Lil laughed, "They have a football meeting before the game. Which reminds me, are you coming?"

Kimi sighed, "You know how I hate football games, the screaming as you watch the guys run back and forth on the field, _ugh,_"

"But you still go to every game," Lil questioned, amused.

Kimi smiled, "I like being there for Phil,"

Lil frowned, "Yeah,"

Kimi didn't say anything, choosing to not get into that again, "So let's get some food, and head over to the bleachers,"

Lil nodded.

At first, when the game started, Phil didn't keep his eyes off Tommy. His eyes set in alarm, not sure of what to expect, but as the game carried on he loosened up, satisfied with Tommy's game and safety.

Lil cheered for Lucas from the bleacher, but every so often glanced toward Tommy, who seemed to be doing very well for his first game that year. Which pissed her off, and every time she heard appreciation remarks for him, she gritted her teeth. She could tell Lucas was pissed to, as he was taking his quarterback thunder. Before Tommy, Lucas was their best quarterback, but now, he had competition. As the game dragged on, Lucas frowned more and more, even though Tommy was earning them points with his good steady throws, Lucas hated it.

When the game finally ended, Tommy was gasping for air as an arm wrapped around his waist in pain. Phil rushed up to him, "Are you okay?" He asked in concern.

Tommy, who still wasn't able to speak, nodded. Some of the team-mates gave him congratulatory pats on the back as they walked past in their team's victory. He grinned at all of them, masking his pain. _Shit, this probably wasn't the best idea._

"Good job for your first game,"

Tommy and Phil turned to see Lucas walking up to them in the crowd, with a little smirk on his lips. Tommy nodded stiffly, and Lucas gave him a pat on the back before pushing past him, accidentally bumping into him and in that bump his elbow connected with his rib –hard.

Tommy groaned loudly in pain, and clutched his sides.

"Oops, sorry," Lucas grinned, walking past as Lil ran up to him from the crowds and threw her arms around him.

"Congrats," She grinned, before pushing her lips against his and pulling him into a kiss.

"What happened?" Phil asked, as Tommy kneeled slightly. No one noticed in the huge crowds that had formed on the field as all the audience had run on at the end of the game in victory.

"Fucking bastard," Tommy spat painfully, "The asshole elbowed me in the ribs," He said, breathing in deeply.

Phil's eyes widened in anger, "You're fucking joking me," He spat.

"Phil," Kimi called out, making her way toward them through the huge crowd. But Phil ignored her, as he stormed past her and to the kissing couple. Tommy looked up startled, "Phil wait-…"

But it was too late, he had already pulled Lucas away from Lil, "What the fuck is your problem?" He asked enraged.

This caught a lot of attention, and Chuckie who had been busy with Angelica turned to look, as well as the other players.

"What are you talking about?" Lucas asked smugly, pushing Phil away.

"Phil-…" Lil started, but before she could finish Phil had curled his hand into a fist and quickly pulled back his arm before connecting his fist with Lucas's face forcefully.

Lucas fell back, and the crowd behind him had scattered. He clutched his eye on the ground, and Lil screamed.

"What the fuck Phil," She yelled, before kneeling beside Lucas, "Oh my god, are you okay," She asked concerned.

Kimi ran up to Phil and put a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged away from her, causing her to step back into the crowd, "Phil-…" She started, but couldn't finish.

"You shouldn't have done that," Lucas threatened, his jaw clenched in anger.

"Do something," Phil challenged, and by now the other players had already run up to them, Chuckie grabbed Phil's arm.

"What the hell?" He asked.

Phil pulled away from, and just then Lucas had gotten up and had charged at Phil with his fist raised. It was too late; Phil saw it when it was less then 30 centimetres away. He reflectively turned his face for the blow… but it never came.

Phil opened his eyes slowly to find a hand stopping the fist, and he followed up the arm to find Tommy standing there, glaring at Lucas. Tommy's knuckle was less then an inch away from Phil's nose, which was currently straining Lucas's fist.

"Bitch _please_," Tommy sneered before pushing Lucas's fist back, causing him to swagger back in surprise.

Lil's eyes set in a glare, and she moved past to step in front of Lucas, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" She yelled.

Tommy raised a brow in amusement, "What? You wanted your brother to get hit?"

"Shut the fuck up, I don't wanna hear shit from your mouth. Phil, what the fuck were you thinking to punch Lucas?" She asked angrily.

Phil stepped up beside Tommy, equally angrily, "That basted elbowed Tommy on purpose," He stated.

"So? Are you his fucking body guard?"

"Yo, you might have lost value of your other relationships since getting with that asshole, but if anyone tries shit with _my _friend, then they're asking for a black eye. And now you're boyfriend can be the example of that," He smirked angrily.

Lucas tried to get to them, but was grabbed by his team mates, "Let go of me, he's gonna eat dirt," He yelled.

Tommy smirked, "He already has. Actually your girlfriend has too; dirt was their favourite snack back in the day, didn't you know?" He teased.

Chuckie cracked a smile, and Phil laughed out loud, "Yeah, remember those days Lil?" He asked harshly.

Lil didn't smile, "Yeah, the days you actually gave a shit about me. And here we are today; you're hitting my boyfriend to defend the guy I hate? Who, if I remember correctly, you hated too. So what the fuck is this, huh Phil?"

Phil glared at her, "My friendship has nothing to do with you,"

Lil glared back evenly, setting stage to gossip that was sure to spread. The two twins, in a heated argument in front of half the school population, which involved Lil's once popular relationship with ex boyfriend Tommy and her current boyfriend Lucas, this was like the juiciest gossip and no one moved.

Lil shook her head, "How can you be friends with someone I hate?"

"I grew up with this guy, and if some next punk is gonna try shit-…"

Lil whirled around to Lucas, "Did you do it?"

"I bumped into him accidentally," He lied, and Tommy grunted in response.

She turned back, "Exactly, is no one allowed to even bump into your precious Tommy? Everyone should watch out don't even brush slightly against Tommy, his boyfriend Phil might smash you,"

A whisper of laugher was heard around them, "He did it on purpose. He's jealous that Tommy's better then him." Phil responded, ignoring the crowd.

"He's tried to be me long enough," Tommy smirked.

Lil glared at him, "He's not like you," She spat, "He's so much _better_. He's something you can never be, so get over yourself, you're _nothing,_"

"He's so much better?" Tommy asked amused, "Lil, are we talking about the same thing here?"

The guys cheered in laughter, and a few girls snickered, causing Lil to turn beet red, "Fuck you Tommy, what were you trying to prove coming back here? Why the fuck are you even back? No one likes you here anymore, no one wants you here. Why don't you go back to wherever the fuck you were because you don't belong here anymore."

Tommy didn't respond, as he watched the anger in her eyes, but just simply smirked.

"I hate you," She spat, "You're the worst type of scum. You're nothing to me, and you're nothing here. Lucas did take your spot; he's the popular one that everyone likes. You made two years of my life hell when you disappeared on me. I didn't know what had happened to you, at one point I even thought you had died or something." She stated, her face twisting in hurt as she recalled the past, "_Now I wish you had,_" She ended in disgust.

Tommy felt a clenching inside him, and the hurt flashed through his eyes before he quickly masked it, "And?"

She took Lucas's arm as she started past them, but paused as she got beside Tommy, "And now, I will make your life a living hell,I _promise _it," She whispered dangerously, before walking past him. A few steps away from him, she turned once more, "I'll make you wish you were dead," She promised, and with a scowl from the couple, they turned and walked past the shocked crowd.

Many waited to see Tommy's reaction, but when they realized they weren't getting one, group by group, they all left with their own versions and exaggerations of the story, ready to sell to the regretful people that missed it.

When everyone was gone, Tommy kneeled in pain, a tear leaving his eyes, "Shit," He winched.

Phil kneeled beside him, "Tommy, are you _okay?_" He asked, scared.

"No," He admitted, "You need to get me home, quickly."

Phil put Tommy's arm around his shoulder, "Have you felt this before?"

"Yeah, I need my meds," He whimpered, "And go to the hospital,"

Phil nodded, trying to get Tommy to walk slowly with his support, but it didn't do much because Tommy kept bending over in pain.

"Shit," Phil cursed at his hopeless state.

"Dude-…" Tommy started painfully, but was shocked when he felt another pair of hands take his other arm and put it around a neck. Tommy frowned, looking up and was startled to find Chuckie looking back at him.

"I got you, bro," He said, a tear in his eye.

**A/n Nothing worse then a women scorned eh? What type of cancer does Tommy have? And where did Chuckie come from? Next chapter : We find out what exactly is wrong with Tommy… and so does Chuckie. But when will Lil find out…will she even find out? R & R**


	12. Chapter 12

Tommy's eyes fluttered open, and he blinked in surprise as the light filled his vision, it took him a while to adjust to the light, and when he finally recognized his surroundings.

He was in a hospital room. He could see a nurse adjusting one of his monitors and he looked down at his hand to find a tube coming out of his hand leading to the IV. Tommy sighed, _this wasn't new._

"Awake Mr. Pickles," Tommy turned his head to find a doctor enter his room with reports in his hand. Tommy nodded, and waited patiently for him to make his way to him and take a seat next to his bed.

"What you have for me, Mr. Jones?" He asked lightly, as the doctor eyed his reports. Of course Tommy's heart rate quickened slightly, and he was given away by the monitors. Mr. Jones looked up at the monitor depicting his heart rate, and looked down at Tommy slowly.

"Nothing's changed, but I've warned you not to exert too much pressure on yourself. You know you're weak, you know you need to keep yourself in the best possible condition if you have any chance of fighting this you have to fight the cancer-…"

The doctor was interrupted by an audible gasp at the door. Tommy looked past his to find Chuckie at the door with Phil following in panic as he attempted to stop him, but it was too late. Chuckie knew.

Chuckie walked into the room slowly, his mouth open in shock. It was as if everything else had frozen, he could see his childhood best friend on the hospital bed looking weaker then he had ever seen him, but _cancer? _Before he knew it, a tear had left his eye and trailed down his cheek slowly. Tommy looked up at him guiltily, "Can I please get a moment alone with my friend?" He asked the doctor.

Dr. Jones nodded slowly, looking between the two boys before slowly excusing himself.

Phil walked up behind Chuckie, "I'm sorry, I couldn't stop him," He apologized.

Tommy shook his head, "It's okay." He whispered, his eyes never leaving Chuckie's grief stricken face, "Chuckie,"

"W-what," He managed, "_Cancer?_"

Tommy sighed, "I didn't want you to find out this way," He started, "Actually I didn't want you to find out at all," He admitted.

Chuckie shook his head confused, yet not able to form any words.

"I found out about this more then two years ago… when I left,"

Chuckie's mouth fell open again, "What is it… what's wrong?" He asked slowly.

Tommy breathed in slowly, "I had cancer to my kidney, long story short. And I thought it would be better for me to go stay with my grandpa in New York and get treatment there, away from everyone that knew me. After a year of being drugged and staying at the hospital for most of it, they had thought they might have gotten rid of it, and I had gone into remission. But of course, it came back, and slowly it took over so that there was no way to save my kidney. So to prevent it from spreading to my right one, we had to remove of my left one." He explained, his eyes clouded by pain as he relived his years away.

Chuckie took it in slowly, still not able to believe that this is what had happened to his best friend and that he had gone through all this alone, "But people can survive with just one kidney, so you must be okay now?"

Tommy smiled bitterly, "Yeah, people can survive with one kidney, and after the operation it took my many therapy sessions to heal my body from it. I was so happy, I had thought I'd be fine now, I could come back here and tell you guys the truth, and hopefully we could slowly rebuild our relationships-…"

"You _can,_" Chuckie insisted.

Tommy shook his head bitterly, "But that's when I found out, we had been too late. It had already spread to my other kidney," He whispered.

A gasp left Chuckie's lips as she stumbled back slightly, "No,"

"And Chuckie, no one can live without any kidneys right," He whispered.

A tear left Chuckie's eyes again, and he shook his head, "But there has to be a way!" He insisted, "There _has to be!_"

"The cancer is slowly going to take over my kidney, it takes a couple of months because they've given my meds to help slow it down and hope I'll get a donor soon,"

"_I can be a donor!_" Chuckie yelled out in frustration.

Tommy shook his head, "My blood group is really rare, and I need the perfect match. They've tested my parents and all my other family but there's no match. All my family from around the world, people in the rest of America, Canada, England, everyone's getting tests done."

"But why not _me_?"

"It has to be someone in my family."

"But it can be too late, people from all the way in England having to come down here, better to have someone who's right _here!_"

"No, after all my family's checked they're going to widen the choices. But I would never let you give me your kidney, do you know how many complications can come with that. What if something ever happened to your kidney, you won't have your other one. There are so many complications, and their not even sure my body will accept it, so I wouldn't let me take that risk,"

Chuckie shook his head, "No Tommy, I don't want anything to happen to you. I'll take any risk, I don't care," He insisted, "Tommy, you'll always be my best friend, I love you," He admitted.

Tommy laughed, "You sound gay," He teased.

Chuckie didn't crack a smile, "That's not funny."

Tommy smiled sadly, and sat up as him and Chuckie hugged, Chuckie's lower lip trembling, _he couldn't believe it. Tommy could die… no, he couldn't let that happen. He couldn't lose his best friend again. Knowing now that Tommy had never just deserted him, knowing that Tommy had believed he was protecting them, it killed him._

"Tommy, why didn't you tell me?" He finally whispered.

"I didn't tell _anyone _because I didn't want to burden you guys with it. I didn't want to burden you with _me,_" Tommy admitted, causing Phil, who had been quiet this whole time to grunt disapprovingly.

Chuckie shook his head angrily, "Do you _know _how hurt I was when you left? Do you know how shocked and heartbroken I was when my _best friend_ left, and without even telling me. Did you really think I was the cool collected guy I am now? Tommy I didn't come out of my house for a week, I was in shock. I waited for you to contact me, I didn't believe you wouldn't. And slowly that hurt turned to hate. I hated you for leaving, for not saying goodbye. Especially back then, I needed you for everything. When I was bullied, or made fun of, I needed my best friend. And now, now to find out you left because you had cancer, I'm feeling that same heartbreak dude. Heartbreak that something like that happened to you, and heartbreak that we weren't as close as I thought, that you didn't think I deserved to know," He whispered, miserably.

Tommy shook his head quickly, "No don't say that. I never thought you didn't deserve to know," He insisted, "I knew it would hurt you guys, but at that point, I didn't know how long I had. I thought I could die within months, and I had to leave. I couldn't put that on you guys, I couldn't have you guys worry and cry over my condition with me. It would be too hard to see you guys break with me, and if I died, I didn't want you guys to hurt over me… I would rather you guys hated me for leaving,"

Chuckie shook his head, "We would rather share your pain Tommy then make you deal with it alone,"

"I'd rather hurt alone then have all my loved ones hurt with me," Tommy countered.

Chuckie wiped his tears, "What about Lil? She really loved you man. Couldn't you at least tell her, she would do anything for you, and you know that."

"Yeah, I knew that. That's why I couldn't tell her. It would kill her to see my like that, it would break her." Tommy whispered.

"It killed her to _not see you at all,_" Phil insisted.

Tommy sighed, "I know. It wasn't supposed to be like that, I didn't want her to hurt over me I had wanted her to hate me. To not want to see my again, not cry herself to sleep over me. That's what I had tried to avoid,"

"But now she hates you," Phil whispered remorsefully.

"I know." Tommy whispered, "If I didn't have to, I wouldn't have come back at all. But waiting for a donor, I didn't know how long I had to live if they didn't find one. I would rather spend, for all I know my last months, with my family and loved ones. Just seeing you all would have been enough. But I knew it would complicate things, so I had decided to just call my parents to New York instead. They had come seen me almost every weekend, and I had forced them not to stay there with me before so they didn't go through that pain with me, but when I realized I might not have much time left, I decided I'd rather die having been with them for my last little bit, but when my mom told me about Lil, and how she had changed so drastically, and was so broken… I had to come back. I realized she was still hurting, so I had to come back, and before I died, I needed to change her hurt to hate. So she wouldn't think back to me and feel pain, but rather hate. I didn't plan for anyone to find out, I had thought I'd come back, fill you all with hate and when I died, my parents could tell you all I was in an accident or something,"

Chuckie shook his head in disgust, "What a stupid plan. So we would never know what our friend went through, you would fill up all with hate so we didn't even get to remember our good times with you, or help you. That's disgusting," He snorted, hurt.

Tommy smiled sadly, "I'm sorry,"

Suddenly, Chuckie looked up again, "Wait, does Angelica even know?" He questioned.

Phil turned to Tommy as well in interest, but Tommy looked at them both, and gave them a little shake of his head.

Chuckie's eyes widened slightly, "No way, but she's your cousin dude, how could she not-…"

"You can't tell her Chuck," Tommy interrupted.

"What?" Chuckie asked in disbelief.

"I'm sorry. Please respect my decision," He begged miserably.

"Lucas, oh my god, that looks so much worse now." She whispered, holding the icepack to his black eye.

Lucas pushed it away, "He's going to pay for this," He muttered angrily.

Lil sighed, "Lucas-…" She began.

"No Lil, I don't care that he's your brother. I have a fucking black eye, everyone's going to see it and know it was from him, and he's going to go around as a smug son of a bitch. But I won't let that happen." He promised.

Lil sighed, taking a seat next to him on the couch, "Please Lucas, don't drag this any further. It wasn't his fault, he was only doing it to protect Tommy," She muttered in disgust.

"You're right. Actually, why get back by hitting Phil, why not go after his weak spot, why not get Tommy instead. That bastard couldn't keep the smirk off his face, maybe I should just wipe the smirk off his face, which will get to Phil ever better,"

The thought of that was bitter sweet to Lil. She couldn't help the little pang in her heart at the thought of Tommy getting hurt, but then, the pain of all the hurt and tears he's caused her stabbed at her, and the thought of Tommy getting hurt made her burn to make it happen.

And she found herself nodding.

**A/n sorry for any grammer mistakes, its one in the morning –and I just noticed that I hadn't posted this chapter for so long now. So please don't be too upset, and enjoy this chapter : ) Read and Review!**


	13. Chapter 13

"Are you sure you should be coming back to school so soon after going to the hospital?" Chuckie questioned nervously, as they headed toward the building.

Tommy smiled at him slightly, "Don't worry about it. I'm use to random trips to the hospital, I'm just gonna be a little weaker then usual, but other then that, I'll be fine,"

Phil didn't say anything, his eye brows furrowed as he walked beside the two guys.

Tommy glanced at him, before sighing, "Alright guys, I promised to meet up with Teresa at her locker this morning."

Chuckie grunted, "Why are you even bothering with her still?"

"I told you guys, I have to make Lil hate me as much as possible, and being with Teresa is key in that. I can see her glare visibly harden when I'm with Teresa, and I want to fill her with so much hate that hurting over me won't be possible for her." He explained, before the sad smile turned into an arrogant smirk as soon as he spotted Lil get out of Lucas's car.

"Game on,"

With that, Chuckie watched as Tommy winked at the pair teasingly, as he walked by. He could also see Lucas's fist clench, as Lil put a hand to his upper arm to calm him slightly. They both glared after the smug Tommy.

Chuckie sighed. _Oh Lil, you have no idea what's going on. The person you hate so much loves you more then I thought was possible. More then anyone I know. You're falling for his trap; you're starting to hate him. You're distancing yourself, when he needs you most._

"Chuckie!" Chuckie turned to find Angelica nearing him, confusion on her face, "What's up, you haven't called me all weekend?"

Chuckie grimaced, _oh crap. _When Tommy forbade him to tell Angelica, it put him in a really tough position. His relationship with Angelica consisted of stone cold truth; they never hid _anything _from each other, and knew each other well enough so that it wasn't possible to lie without getting caught. He knew if he talked to Angelica, she would know right away he was hiding something, and he didn't want to blurt out the truth and betray Tommy.

Angelica frowned, "Chuckie? You don't look so good," She whispered, putting the back of her hand against his forehead.

Chuckie backed away from it, "I'm fine and sorry for not calling but my phone was broken and it was at the repair all weekend, and besides, dad wanted me to help with some accounting stuff for the Java Lava so I was busy with him all weekend."

Angelica nodded unsurely, and Chuckie tried to make his face emotionless. He didn't want her to see the misery and worry in his eyes, because he wouldn't be able to keep it in then. He wouldn't be able to hide something so big from Angelica. _It was hard enough doing it now. Angelica deserved to know that her cousin could be dying; she deserved to be there for her cousin. And how could he keep that from her, when she found out, she would never be able to forgive him; she would always resent him for it._

Chuckie sighed, he had to tell Tommy this as soon as possible, he couldn't keep something like this from Angelica, it wasn't fair to her.

Lil watched as Tommy wrapped his arms tightly around Teresa's petit waist and pull her toward him affectionately, and couldn't help but frown. She tried to ignore them, as she worked on the lock on her locker, but the stupid thing wouldn't open, causing her to struggle there awkwardly as Tommy and Teresa cuddled a few lockers down.

And she wanted nothing more then for Lucas to come punch out Tommy right now.

Hatred boiled in her, when she caught Tommy lean down to pull Teresa into a kiss, and when she heard Teresa moan slightly, she had it.

She didn't care about her stupid books, she didn't need anything. All she needed was Tommy with a black eye, and maybe Teresa too.

It shocked her slightly that her thoughts were so violent, _Tommy did this to me, he turned me so cold that now I hardly feel anything anymore. _Lil didn't feel the same way she did before; it was like he had taken Lil's capability to feel. She didn't feel anything but anger anymore.

She even bit back at her parents whenever they tried to talk to her. She didn't talk to Kimi properly most of the time, she didn't even acknowledge Phil anymore; it was disgusting.

Lil hated who she became, and she hated Tommy for doing this to her. She was never like this; she had nothing but love for her family and friends, and never thought bad for anyone, what the hell happened to her?

_What the hell did Tommy turn her into?_

Phil sighed as he parked his car in the driveway. Of course, Lucas's car was right beside his, as this was like a second home to Lucas. It drove Phil crazy that Lucas was there all the time, but there was nothing he could do about it because him and sister didn't even talk anymore.

It had been a week since Tommy had left the hospital, and everything was the same. Tommy acted like an ignorant jerk in front of Lil and she hated him more and more, as him and Chuckie watched in dismay and frustration from the sidelines.

Phil entered his house quietly, knowing that he wasn't expected for another two hours. Recently, Phil rarely entered his house because the sight of Lucas made him want to punch something out, or better yet, him. So he usually stayed out, or over at Tommy's until late at night when he'd come home, sleep, and go to school the next morning, by which time Lucas would have already picked Lil up.

But today he had decided to come home earlier, his head pounding angrily as he walked up the stairs quietly. He was just going to enter his room, and sleep the headache off, no need to even see Lucas or Lil.

"What did Jordon say?" he heard his sister ask Lucas, as he walked by her room. Phil stopped in his tracks, when he heard Lucas's respond.

"He's game, he hates Tommy for taking Teresa from him," Lucas confirmed smugly.

Lil paused, and Phil knew she was hurt at the mention of Tommy and Teresa, but she quickly recovered, "Ok, so you have Jordon,"

Phil frowned, _are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck is going on?_ Phil stepped closer to the door.

"Tomorrow, after football practice me and Jordon are going to corner him in the back parking lot,"

"How do you know he'll be the only one there?"

"Because he's always the last to leave, and he parks his car the furthest. And we'll see what he tries then, what could he do up against both me and Jordon. Let's just say, tomorrow, he's going to learn to never fuck around with us again," Lucas declared angrily.

Lil didn't respond.

Phil stepped away from the door in horror. _Was Lil really going to just let Tommy get beat up like that? Was she really going to take part in planning Tommy's ambush? What the fuck happened to her, was she really serious._

Phil frowned angrily. _No fucking way._

Lucas lagged behind, as football players all dragged themselves to their cars, exhausted and ready to go home. But Tommy always went to the change rooms after, and usually came out about five minutes after everyone left, and knowing this from once when his car wouldn't start, and he had seen Tommy walk by smirking a while after the lot had cleared, Lucas had everything planned. Him and Jordon had parked their cars across the street, so that Tommy wouldn't know what was coming.

"Good, his two minions left too," Jordon sneered; as he watched Chuckie and Phil enter their own cars respectively, and drive out.

Lucas grinned, _perfect._

Lil tapped the steering wheel in front of her impatiently. She hadn't been able to handle it, and now, as she sat a block away from school, she scolded herself for being there.

_She was suppose to be home, not here, she wasn't suppose to care so much, she wasn't._

But as she had sat home, watching the clock tick away, closer and closer to the end of their football practice, her leg wouldn't stop shaking.

As much as she tried to stop it, pressing down on it with her arms, it wouldn't.

She couldn't just sit there, she _had _to come. Lil watched as a few guys on the team drove by, and knew practice was over. Soon, Tommy would come out and Lucas and Jordon would team up on him.

The thought of Tommy getting beaten, getting _hurt_, had initially made her feel a sense of satisfaction. But then, a sinking feeling had set in, and she grew restless.

But _why? _She hated Tommy; he had been so horrible to her. He had broken her heart with no explanation, he humiliated her, he hurt her, he took her brother from her, one of her best friends, Chuckie, yet she didn't want him to get hurt?

_What the hell was wrong with her?_

Lil groaned, as she covered her face with her hands in frustration, _go home Lil. Just leave, and wait for Lucas to come over. Stop thinking about Tommy, he doesn't deserve it, he deserves to hurt, he deserves so much pain, that no matter what Lucas and Jordon did to him, it would always fall short of the pain he caused her._

"_What a slut,"_

Lil felt her heart clench as she thought about the words he had said about her, the things he had said and did, they were so hurtful. She wrapped her arms around herself, not wanting to feel this pain again. She had thought she was over it; she wanted to be over it so bad.

"_I mean, if you were really that desperate to be in my arms, you could've just asked, I might have given you a pity hug or something,"_

He had hurt her so bad; Lil could feel her eyes sting of unshed tears. She commanded herself not to cry, he didn't deserve her tears, but she could feel them begin to pool around her eyes and she couldn't help it, a sob slowly built up in her throat.

"_I know how much you want to, but I'm taken,"_

"_So what, she turned into a slut now?"_

Lil's breathing quickened, and now were coming out in short intakes. _Stop, don't do this again Lil, please don't cry over him. _But the throbbing pain in her chest was back, the one she had kept hidden for so long.

"_Oh yeah, well I heard she had been pretty desperate for me since I've left, so of course she jumped at the chance to be with anyone that even slightly resembled me… actually, I bet she paid him to act like me,"_

Lil bit her bottom lip to prevent it from quivering, _I hate you Tommy._

"_I don't care about you anymore,"_

"_Because I don't love you,"_

Lil quickly shut her eyes, but one sole tear managed to escape, and trailed down her cheek treacherously.

_He deserved to get hurt, he deserved pain, and she hated him. _Lil's hand reached toward the ignition to start the car, but before she could do anything, she froze;

"_I love you,"_

Lil's breath got caught in her throat, and her heart stopped for a millisecond as she remembered those words, and she couldn't help a shiver run down her spine.

_She remembered his smile, the way his eyes would look at her; like she was the only girl in the world, the way his arms would wrap around her like he never wanted to let go, the way his lips felt against hers… _the sob finally escaped her lips.

It was like he was there, like he had just leant in and whispered those words in her ear. Lil hugged herself tighter, pursing her lips tightly, _Oh, Tommy._

"_Why? I like taking pictures… well your pictures;)"_

Lil smiled sadly, _I wish I could go back in time, and relive every moment I spent with you._

"_Let me drop you home,"_

"_This one was really obvious. Cutest Couple goes to Tommy Pickles and Lil DeVille,"_

Lil sighed sadly, _what's happened to you… what's happened to me?_

_**What the hell happened to us?**_

"_Just one dance,"_

"_I can sneak into your room tonight,"_

"_I think I love you…"_

Lil sucked in her breath again,

"_To the power of two,"_

Lil put the keys in the ignition, and put the car into drive, _she had to save Tommy._

Lucas felt Jordon nudge him in the side, and looked up to find Tommy leaving the building, a slow smile forming on his lips.

They watched from their spot behind the big garbage box as Tommy neared his car, and he grabbed the keys from his left pocket.

Lucas looked at Jordon, and nodded toward Tommy, as the two of them neared the oblivious guy unlocking his car. Tommy heard the click, and pulled the handle open, but before he could sit, he felt a hand on both of his shoulders.

Lucas grinned when he saw Tommy look back surprised, to find him and Jordon, "What's up Tommy?" he sneered, before him and Jordon pushed Tommy back so he stumbled to the ground behind them.

"What the fuck?" Tommy demanded, pushing himself up to glare at the two bulky guys in front of him.

"_Hey hey hey,_ that's not too nice," Lucas teased, stepping toward him.

Tommy didn't back away, "Get outta my way," he instructed sternly.

Jordon snorted, "What does this guy think he is? Playing between both of our girls, he thinks he's some next stud or something?"

Tommy smirked at Jordan, "Last I checked, Teresa dumped your sorry ass in front of the entire football and cheerleading team, why don't you do yourself a favour and get over it."

Jordon's grin disappeared to be replaced by a scowl, "You're fucking dead,"

Lucas smirked, "You thought you were tough that day when you had Phil as your bitch to defend you right, well lets see how things play out today," he said, cracking his knuckles, "Just a friendly game of kicking your ass," He grinned menacingly.

Tommy shook his head, "It's not an even fight, so rain check,"

Lucas and Jordon looked at each other with smug grins, "Fuck you," Lucas said, mocking pity, as the two of them made for him. Lucas raised his clenched fist, but before it could crush Tommy's face he felt an arm wrap around his neck, and before he knew it, he had been pulled roughly so he was leaning back painfully.

Lucas's hands went up to clutch the muscled arm and he looked up shocked to find an angry Phil DeVille, "No, _fuck you,_" He smirked.

Lucas yelled out in pain, struggling to get out of Phil's death lock. His eyes looked over at Jordon for some help, only to find him in a similar position with a pissed Chuckie's arm around his neck.

_Crap._

Tommy chuckled, "Told you it wasn't even," He teased, "But since you didn't want a rain check…"

_It was a trap? How the fuck did they find out?_

"_STOP!"_

Tommy looked past the four guys to find Lil getting out of her car to run toward them, _Lil really helped plan this? _When Phil had told him and Chuckie about their plan, more then anything, he was shocked at Lil's partake in the plan. He couldn't even react to it, because he was so thrown back by Lil's part in it.

Now as Lil grabbed at Phil's arm to pull it off Lucas, Phil glared at her, "Don't fucking touch me!" He hissed harshly.

And Lil was so shocked at the hatred in Phil's eyes that her hands fell from his arm and she stepped back like she had been slapped.

Phil and Chuckie let Lucas and Jordan out of their grasps, and let them fall to the ground clutching their necks.

Lil didn't even bother kneeling to her fallen boyfriend, too fixed into Phil's glare, "Phil, I-…"

"Don't even fucking bother, I heard you yesterday," He spat, "Get Jordon, so the two of them could jump Tommy after practice, are you fucking kidding me? You _agreed _to it? Who the _fuck _are you?"

Lil couldn't bear to look into his angry eyes any longer, and looked to Chuckie for help, "I know, I'm sorry," She whispered, "I don't know why I did that, but I came to stop it!" She insisted.

Chuckie shook his head, "You're disgusting Lil, you're fucking _disgusting_. I thought I knew you better. And now that you got caught, you actually expect us to believe that you came here to stop it? You came here to watch, to watch if the job had been done, to watch Tommy suffer," He snapped.

Lil took a step back hurt, "No," She whispered.

And then finally, her eyes landed on Tommy. There was no smirk, no smug grin, no glare, no anger… nothing but disappointment. The traits that Tommy had come back with all vanished from his face. It was like looking back at _her _Tommy.

And that was too much for Lil. She couldn't bear more then anything, to face her Tommy. The disappointment in his eyes caused her heart to ache painfully in her chest, and her eyes to burn.

But nothing came out.

Tommy finally broke their stare, and looked at the other guys who were looking at the two still gasping for air on the ground in disgust, "Let's get outta here."

"I wanna teach this bastard a lesson first," Chuckie growled, causing Jordon to stumble further away from them. Lucas sat there, still breathing heavily, but now glaring at the guys standing.

"Look down," Phil instructed angrily.

Lucas didn't move, causing Phil to put his shoe against Lucas's shoulder and kick him down to lay back on the ground. Fury visible in Lucas's eyes, but he knew they were out numbered, and Chuckie and Phil had some serious death grips, so he played smart and looked away.

"Forget it Phil, they're not worth it," Tommy stated, walking past Lil.

Phil looked up at Lil, "You're right, _none _of them are,"

Lil looked away, still unable to form words, _how could she explain, how she tell them, she was coming back for Tommy, she really was going to stop them, she was… they would never believe her._

Tommy turned to look at Lil, "Lil," He started, causing her to look back up at him, "I know we've both changed drastically, and I know I've been an asshole, but I _never _expected you to go this far." He said simply, before Phil put a hand on his shoulder, both looking back at her one last time before walking away.

Lil stood there speechless as she watched him walk away. _His eyes. The words he said, they were all from __**her **__Tommy. This wasn't the Tommy she thought she hated; it was the one she… loved._

Her heart thumped loudly in her chest, _and he thought she would want him to get beaten._

Lil felt Lucas's arm around her shoulder, and a single tear escaped her eyes.

**A/n It's been a while since my last update, I know, but in my defence, I had actually completed the chapter a while ago, but it go deleted : and of course, I was totally dejected, and didn't want to write it all again, but eventually, got back into it! : )**

**Things have changed again for the gang, and our old Lil seems to be slowly reappearing, what will happen next? … Read and REVIEW!**


	14. Chapter 14

_Would you dance,_

_If I asked you to dance?_

_Would you run?_

_And never look back?_

Lil was on her way back from the library, where she had been working on a project with her English group when she suddenly felt her car jerk slightly, before coughing terribly and dying to a stop.

"What the hell," Lil frowned, taking out her keys and putting them back in, in attempts to start the ignition again, but when nothing happened, Lil cursed under her breath. She sighed, before sadly looking outside at the dark deserted road. _Maybe she should look at the engine? _

_But what would she know about it; she didn't know what was what, and what went where. Looking at it would do no good. _

_But she had to try, she couldn't just sit here. _

_Oh, she could call someone! She could call Lucas!_

Lil leaned toward the backseat to grab her deserted purse and awkwardly fished her phone out, but in her position leaning into the backseat, she realized in disappointment that her phone was dead. _Fuck! How the hell would she get help now?_

_She might as well try to look at the stupid engine. _Lil opened her door to let in a fierce icy chill, causing her to shiver and pull her sweater even closer to her body; _I should've grabbed my stupid coat after school._

Grudgingly, Lil stepped out and ran to the front of her car, _how the hell do you open the hood to this? _Lil stood there for a second shivering, unable to locate the handle because it was too dark to look closely. Lil whimpered slightly, scanning the road, measuring how long it would take to get home if she walked.

But then decided it would take almost half an hour, and she'd probably either freeze to death on the way or get kidnapped.

_Please god, send someone to help me. Or let someone good drive down to give me a ride at least; someone 'good', no rapist or pervert or murderer. Please god let this happen and I'll always charge my phone and never talk so much on it that I kill the battery, especially when I'm away from home, or I'll buy that battery charger thing for cars. Please god, please, please, please! _Lil prayed, breathing desperately into her hands.

When she had decided to go back into her car, Lil saw a car turn the corner. A sense of hope rose in Lil as she stuck her hand out and waved for the car to stop. _Yes! _But when the car drove past her, Lil's smile fell. _What the hell? Why wouldn't they stop? _ Lil pouted slightly, getting into her car and sitting impatiently, looking out the window for any other hopes.

_She should've been home right now? Surely her parents or Phil would notice and look for her? Wouldn't they? Maybe when they tried her cell and couldn't reach her, they might come to the library and look for her? _

Lil took a deep breath, blowing warm air into her hands as she watched. It was getting colder, and Lil had begun to rub her hands together to keep warm. If only she could at least get the heater on.

When another car turned onto the road Lil jumped out of her car in attempts to wave this car to stop as well. But sadly, once again, they wavered out of the way impatiently, no one wanted to both stopping to help someone out when it was freezing outside and getting dark. Lil cursed loudly after them, before getting back in her car. _Why didn't someone come look for her? _Lil wrapped her arms around herself trembling slightly, fear building up in her, _what if she had to stay here all night? She would freeze! Or worse, what if some murdered came and… no she couldn't think like that, but she couldn't help it, and now tears were forming in her eyes. Please, oh please, someone come!_

She didn't know how long it took for another car to turn the corner, but this time she had decided, either she'd stop the car or get run over by it –and hopefully they'd feel guilty enough to drive her to the hospital.

So she ran into the middle of the road, blocking passage and waving her arms desperately for the car to slow down. Finally, this car pressed their brakes and stopped a few feet from her. She broke out into a relieved smile, and made her way to the driver's window.

But she regretted it instantly.

Because in the car sat the biggest, ugliest guy she'd seen in her whole life, smiling perversely at her. He had a big round face with drooping eye brows and a big dark moustache, and the excited grin displaying a batch of rotting yellow teeth.

Automatically, Lil took a step back in panic. _Oh shit._

"Hey little girl, what can I do for you?"

"Uh, nothing," Lil said quickly, deciding she'd rather freeze to death then get in the car with him.

"Nothing eh? But I could do oh so much for you babe," He said slyly, scanning her car to see if there was anyone with her, and he seemed very pleased with what he saw, "Why don't I give you a ride, isn't that why you stopped me?" He grinned.

"No, I'll pass," Lil offered, hoping he couldn't see how scared she really was. But when she tried walking back to her car, she heard his door opening and turned wide eyed to find him getting out.

_No! Oh please no, please someone come!_

Lil backed away, "I don't need anything!" Lil stated, her lower lip trembling.

"But baby," He started with compassion, before his eyes glazed over with lust, _"I do,"_

His hand reached out for her, but with a startle, Lil ducked his grasps and turned to run from him, "No!" Lil screamed, tears now spilling out of her eyes and fear causing her heart to clench painfully. But before she could get anywhere, she felt a big hand clasp around her tiny wrist and he pulled her roughly against him, chuckling perversely.

"Stop!" Lil yelled, "Let me go!" As she struggled in his grasp, punching and kicking with all her might, but it was no use, he was too big for her, there was no hope.

"C'mon baby, it won't be too bad, you might actually like it," He whispered in her ear.

"Please stop!" Lil begged sobbing, her heart doing flip flops, fear and misery inside her. _No, this can't be happening, oh god NO!_

He only laughed, and when his lips disgustingly touched her neck, Lil closed her eyes tearfully, but they were opened again when she heard a screeching of tires to her left. The guy's grasp around her loosened, and it was enough for Lil to bring the hand covered wrist up to her mouth and dig her teeth into it with all her might. He yelped loudly, and his hand left her wrist and before he knew it she had broke off running, "STOP!" He yelled angrily.

Lil ran quickly, unsure of where to go but knowing where she had to get away from when she noticed the passengers door thrown open of the car that had caused the interruption. She turned in surprise to find an angry Tommy in the driver's seat, "GET IN!" He yelled.

She didn't have to be told twice, as she flew into the car and before she could say anything the car had taken off like a bullet. She would've told him to slow down under normal circumstances but in this case, the faster the better! Lil who hadn't realized there were tears still running down her cheek and her hand had clasped Tommy's arm tightly, finally pulled away. She looked up at Tommy to find him glaring at the road in front of him, his jaw clenched angrily.

Lil didn't say anything, scared at how angry he was. He didn't mock her, he didn't say anything mean, he didn't even word out any condolences.

She could see the outside world pass by her in a blur, and she held onto the edges of her seat holding her breath. Finally, he pulled into an empty parking lot and hit the breaks so hard that the car went skidding to a stop, turning horizontally in the middle of the lot causing Lil to scream out in terror. But that didn't seem to faze Tommy, as he stormed out of his side, and Lil watched as he crossed the front to get to her side, her teary eyes wide.

_Would you cry,_

_If you saw me crying?_

He threw open her door and roughly pulled Lil up by the arm and crushed her against him. Lil felt the wind get sucked out of her as she collided with his hard chest, her eyes closed in fear, but when she felt his arms go around her waist protectively she opened them.

"Lil," He whispered into her ear, his face resting on top of her head as he breathed in deeply to calm himself down, "I'm so sorry for not getting their sooner,"

Lil was shocked at his sincere words, and now, being so close to him, having his arms wrapped around her, she buried her face into his chest and let the sob escape her lips, "Tommy," She murmured against him, "He… he," She managed between sobs, "Oh my god… I was… so scared," She cried, snuggling into his chest, her hands brought up tightly under her chin as she sobbed like a little child.

His hand ran up and down her back soothingly, "I know," He whispered, pulling her slightly closer.

_I really want you to really want me_

_But I really don't know if you can do that_

_I know you want to know what's right_

_But I know it's so hard for you to do that_

She didn't know how long she cried against his chest, the fear in her heart slowly fading away as the comfort of his arms finally made her feel safe, "I thought he would… thank you Tommy, thank you so much," She mumbled sobbing into his chest.

_And would you save my soul, tonight?_

He didn't pull her away, "No Lil, I should've come sooner, I'm so sorry I didn't come sooner," He mumbled into her hair, "Phil called me a little while ago, and told me you still hadn't come home yet, and they tried your cell but they couldn't get you and he told me to drive by the library on my way back to see if your car was still there, and when I told him it wasn't, he got worried, because you never stayed out this late without telling them, and then I got kind of worried so I traced the shortcut I knew you'd take back from the library, and Lil when I saw…" Tommy took a deep breath, "When I saw his grimy hands forcefully on you…" His arms stiffened around her, pulling her possessively closer against him, "I wanted nothing more then to murder him with my bare hands… but getting you safe and as far away from him as possible was more important,"

_Now would you die,_

_For the one you love?_

_Hold me in… your arms… tonight_

Lil felt a chill run up her spine, and she looked up at him vulnerably, "I thought you were mad at me, you didn't talk to me the whole ride here, I thought…"

He looked down at her, "I wasn't mad at you, Lil," He whispered surprised, "I just, just seeing him touch you like that, and hearing you cry for him to leave you; you don't know what it did to me Lil, I… I was so mad, I couldn't see straight… I'm sorry," He said, and she felt his whole body stiffen and his hands clench into fists at the small of her back, she could tell he was fighting an inner battle of anger and frustration, and it was taking a lot for him to cool down for her, she could feel the nerve in his neck bulging against her closely pressed temple.

_And time's running out as often it does_

_But fate can't break this feeling inside_

_That's burning up through my veins_

Without even thinking, she lifted her head off him and pressed a light kiss against his chest, grazing her fingers slowly over the soft t-shirt that covered his hard chest, before leaning up and placing two little butterfly kisses against his bulging neck.

_Would you tremble,_

_If I touched your lips?_

And instantly he cooled, his arms relaxed around her and his fists unclenched to reside gently against the small of her back.

Her hands slowly left their place from her, before wrapping around his neck, as she buried her face into his chest and let the tears drain off her face, "Thank you," She whispered, but it had been stifled by his shirt. She finally felt okay, her breathing became more normal and the fear finally left her eyes.

_I really want you… now_

He waited patiently, his hand tracing soothing circles in the small of her back, finally, Lil's face left his chest, and without moving an inch of her body, turned her face to look up at him, "Tommy," She whispered, "If it hadn't been for you… if you hadn't come, I could've been-…"

"Shh Lil, I _did _come, and don't say it,"

Lil bit her bottom lip to keep from trembling; she realized their faces were merely inches apart now, "You saved me," She whispered.

"I'd always save you Lil," He whispered back, not realizing what he had just said. He was letting things slip, saying things, meaning things, he shouldn't.

_I can be your hero, baby._

_I can kiss away the pain._

_I will stand by you forever._

_You… can… take… my breath away._

Lil felt another shiver run down her back, and she realized for the first time that the wind had picked up, and it had turned even icier then before, and it had only gotten darker since she had been stuck in her car, but now, suddenly, it didn't matter. The cold didn't hit her body the way it did before, standing their wrapped in Tommy's arms suddenly made it okay, she didn't feel the wind touch her body, and she felt nothing but warmth as she snuggled even closer to him if it was possible… and the dark no longer scared her.

Their eyes locked, her hazel ones meeting his blue ones with a fierce passion that neither of them could describe. It was like suddenly, their brains had no effect on them… as if their brains had no say. It was one heart to another, from one pair of eyes to another.

_Would you swear,_

_That you'll always be mine?_

Lil's heart was beating as wildly as it had been when the creep had made for her earlier, but now it thudded against her chest for a whole different reason. Without even realizing it, she had slowly leaned to the tip of her toes, and his face had leaned treacherously down towards her.

_Am I too deep?_

_Have I lost my mind?_

She could feel his heart beat against her, and she was sure he could feel hers. Her breathing quickened, and her mouth suddenly went dry. He was breathing faster too, his grip on her had hardened, and she had interlocked her fingers behind his neck.

_I don't care…_

_You're here, tonight._

The past two years, the pain, the tears, the betrayal, the hurt, her promises, Phil, Lucas; as if none of that existed. Being in Tommy's arms, having him look down at her the way only _her _Tommy could, it made the world so small, so small that it only fit the two of them, it only had room for Lil and Tommy. Standing, arms wrapped around each other, bodies pulled together, eyes locked, lips almost touching; nothing else mattered.

Because behind all the tears, the hatred, the pain; _she had never stopped loving him._

_Even today, he managed to make her feel the way no one else could. He managed to make her heart race faster then anyone else could. _

_Even today, her knees went weak when he looked at her like that._

They were so close; she could feel his lips on her. Her eyes closed, and a tear managed to escape her eyes, slipping between their faces. Lil could feel his mouth open to accept her, but just as it did, she felt a sort of vibration between them, and in the second, they broke apart.

Both breathing quickly, shocked eyes staring at each other.

Tommy looked down quickly, pulling out his cell phone from his sweatshirt's pocket and suddenly turned his back to Lil.

Lil gaped slightly, unsure of what to do with herself. It was like someone had thrown a cold bucket of water on her, and Lil didn't know what to feel. Seconds ago, they were wrapped in each others arms, about to… about to what? Now here they stood; his back towards her and on the phone as if nothing happened. Lil wrapped her arms around herself as she heard Tommy speaking with Phil, unsure of what to do.

"Yeah Phil, I'm sorry, I should've called, yeah I found her, her car broke down… um yeah, no she's fine, yeah everything's okay… we'll talk later, I'm bringing her home, talk to her then. Alright, later," Tommy finished, turning towards her, without making eye contact, "Let's go,"

_Huh? _Lil watched as he made toward his side of the car and stupidly followed lead, taking a seat in the passenger's side as he coolly started the car and reversed out of the parking lot.

Lil felt a blush on her face, recalling on how intimate they were moments earlier… how nice it felt being so close to him, having him pull her closer.

She turned her head toward the window, "Thanks for not telling Phil," She said.

He didn't respond at first, and Lil thought he wouldn't, and he'd leave her hanging like that, but after a while, she finally heard him, "I wasn't sure what you wanted, so I'll leave it up to you,"

Lil nodded, without looking at him. And they spent a few minutes of silence, Lil awkwardly fidgeting with her hands, until a thought hit her, and all embarrassment left her momentarily, "Tommy _wait!_"

Tommy slowed down, "Tommy,_ my purse!_" she exclaimed, "My purse is still in my car!"

"Oh no! You won't have you cell tonight!" He mocked teasingly.

Lil shook her head, "No, I have all my cards in there. I have my health card, and my… _oh my god, I have my social insurance in there!_" She cried, "Tommy please, I need my purse. The doors aren't even locked! Please we-…"

"Ok _ok_, Lil, we'll get it, don't have a panic attack on me," He said, as he slowed down further and made to take a u-turn, but before he could, Lil placed a stiff hand on his arm, and he looked at her finally, their eyes meeting, and he felt his heart clench slightly as he saw the fear in her eyes rise up again, and she gulped. Tommy frowned sympathetically, before nodding in understanding, "I'll drop you off, then I'll go back to get it," He whispered.

Lil nodded weakly.

When he had pulled into her driveway, Lil sat there for a few moments, turning to him. She didn't know what she expected, _a good night kiss? _ She scolded herself, willing her body to move, but it wouldn't. He wouldn't make eye contact with her, and that hurt more then she could ever tell him. _They couldn't really leave things like this?_ _He had to say something… she wanted to say something. _But after a few more silent seconds later, _we're leaving things like this, _she realized, as she finally turned to open the door, forcing her body to move.

Tommy heard her sigh, and from the side of his eye could see her turn to the door. He closed his eyes, trying to resist stopping her, he didn't want to leave like this; he wanted to tell her he loved her and would never let anything hurt her. But he was the one hurting her now… and there was nothing he could do about it.

_I love you Tommy._

"Thank you, Tommy," He heard her whisper, one last time before she walked away. Tommy watched her go, and even when she entered her house, he sat there for a few seconds, controlling his emotions, before he finally pulled out of her driveway.

_I love you Lil._

After Tommy had dropped her off, he had made his way back to the abandoned car. It was past midnight now, and Tommy rubbed at his tired eyes as he pulled up beside Lil's deserted car. He got up and quickly grabbed Lil's purse from her car, and as he was getting in, he looked up at the place where he'd seen the perverted guy grab Lil and he froze.

His jaw clenched tightly at the memory and he could feel his blood boil again. _The thought, the sight, it all sickened him. His hands ached to draw blood, to hurt the guy who had caused such screams of terror from Lil. He remembered her teary face… the fear in her eyes._

And then suddenly his thoughts went to the parking lot. Having his arms around her, telling her how he felt, and letting her cry on his shoulder; taking off his charade of not caring about her, of being the cold hearted bastard.

Tommy sighed, as he leaned against the car door, _It had finally worked. She had hated him, if he had died, it wouldn't have broke her, she probably would've spat on his grave… but now, he had been too weak. He had been so hurt and angry, and he let her see that. _

He shouldn't of let her see the real him. He had hid himself from her for so long.

He should've been able to control his emotions, Tommy sighed, throwing his head back to look up into the darkness, _I'm sorry Lil. _

_No matter what I say or do,  
the message isn't getting through,  
and you're listening to the sound  
…of my breaking heart._

**A/n Leave a review! Please and thank you. **


	15. Chapter 15

"Lucas, I'm not in the mood," Lil murmured, leaning out of his grasp, as he tried to capture her lips with his.

"Lil," He groaned, sitting beside her on the bed, his hand pushing her hair to her other shoulder to gain access to her neck, "What's wrong?" He mumbled, placing light pecks against the crock between her shoulder and neck.

_It had been two weeks since the incident with the car, since her encounter with Tommy. And every time she tried to make eye contact with him in the hallways, he avoided her; there was no trace of acknowledgment on his face, no sign of the event that took place, the intimacy between them._

And it was driving Lil crazy. He left her so confused, hurt and angry. That day, it had meant so much to Lil, everything she said was so real, and she thought he was being real with her… he had to have been. Of course he was, he dropped her home before going back for her purse, he comforted her, he was angry at that guy… it couldn't have been fake.

But then why wasn't he acknowledging her now?

Why didn't he want to talk to her?

Ask her if she was okay?

Be there for her.

She could feel Lucas trail kisses up her jaw now, and Lil found herself pulling away again, "Luke…"

"Lil, c'mon, you've been like this all week, I don't know what's gotten into you," He insisted, "I miss my _girlfriend_,"

Lil sighed, when she felt him close the gap between them, continuing his kisses on her neck again.

_She missed Tommy… her Tommy._

Why was he so hot and cold; it was like he was bipolar, one minute he was something, and the next he was something else. She didn't know what to think about him anymore. It was hard to hate him, because she got to meet the side of him that she was absolutely and madly in love with, but it was hard to love him, because she also met the side of him that caused her to want to crawl into a whole and die.

_Why was he doing this to her?_

Lil felt Lucas's lips on hers, as his tongue licked her bottom lip, and Lil pushed away again, "Lucas _stop!_" She finally instructed, but before she could move too far, he had his arm around her waist, and he gripped her in place.

"Lil what the fuck; why are you acting like such a fucking prude?" He demanded, "Ever since that night your stupid car broke down, you've been acting like I'm a fucking stranger, I'm your fucking _boyfriend!_"

Lil frowned, her hand on his, trying to pull it off her, but to no success, so she finally turned to look at his glaring eyes, "Just cause I'm not in the mood to let you all over me, I'm acting like a stranger? And I'm a prude? Wow really Lucas? I thought this relationship was based on an emotional connection, not just a physical one?" she questioned, pissed off at his attitude.

Lucas sighed, and his grip loosened, causing Lil to get up and try to walk away angrily, but before she could get away, he pulled her down on his lap, "You're right, I'm a jerk, I shouldn't have reacted the way I did,"

"No you shouldn't have,"

"Ok I'm sorry,"

Lil turned her face from him.

Lucas put his hand under her chin and turned her face to look at him, "Babe, I'm sorry,"

Lil let a slow half smile on her lips, "Okay, don't let it happen again buster,"

Lucas smiled, pressing a kiss against her arm, "Alright, now, tell me about you car situation, why have you been so cranky since then?"

"Lucas, I told you, it's not about that,"

"Yeah yeah, your car broke down and you had to sit in the dark for an hour, I get that, it must've sucked, but I feel like its more, you've been all distant and cranky and bitchy since then?"

Lil felt her eyes cloud over in pain; _Lil bit her bottom lip to keep from trembling; she realized their faces were merely inches apart now, "You saved me," She whispered._

"What happened that night?" Lucas asked, looking into her eyes.

_Tommy took a deep breath, "When I saw his grimy hands forcefully on you…" His arms stiffened around her, pulling her possessively closer against him, "I wanted nothing more then to murder him with my bare hands… but getting you safe and as far away from him as possible was more important,"_

And that was it, she had been like boiling water since that day, and it was like she had finally flown over the pot, and suddenly, Lil found herself pushing herself off Lucas, and stepping away from him like she'd been burned, "None of your fucking business!" She snapped,

"Lil –what-…"

Lil didn't let him speak, "You're all fucking _liars_; all you guys are, are fucking liars that say anything to get a girl. You'll pretend like you really care, you'll pretend like nothing else matters more, you'll fucking bend over backwards to prove your love, but its all fucking lies, _you're all fucking liars, that's it_!" Lil exploded, turning to storm out of the room before Lucas's big hand encircled her wrist.

"Lil, where the fuck is this all coming from?" He demanded, turning her to face him as he stood up.

"No _fuck you, _Lucas," She spat, pulling her hand out of him grasp viciously, before turning and leaving him standing there watching after her in confusion.

"I fucked up," Tommy admitted, slumping down on his computer chair.

"She's been all grouchy and moody since," Phil agreed.

"I know man," Tommy sighed, "I shouldn't have let it get that far,"

"You're only human, just because you showed her you actually cared for two seconds, you can't beat yourself up for it, she was scared in the dark and was feeling vulnerable, so you gave her a shoulder to lean on, no biggie," Phil reasoned.

Tommy turned to the laptop, avoiding Phil's eye, _Lil hadn't wanted to tell anyone what happened, which obliged Tommy not to tell anyone either. And it was hard to hide it from Phil, because he could now read Tommy like a book. And there was no point in trying, so Tommy just avoided the topic, _"Uh yeah, I mean yeah, she was all vulnerable, but still, I could've gotten her home without showing her a soft side," He groaned, "And now she's all confused and hurt again, _fuck_,"

"Chill, its fine, sure one step back, but she's still with Lucas, so its not that bad right?" Phil insisted, leaning back on the bed to continue his game of throwing the football in the air and catching it, then throwing it again.

Tommy sighed, "Yeah, you're right." He murmured, remembering his words from the night;

_He looked down at her, "I wasn't mad at you, Lil," He whispered surprised, "I just, just seeing him touch you like that, and hearing you cry for him to leave you; you don't know what it did to me Lil, I… I was so mad, I couldn't see straight… I'm sorry,"_

"…So we ended up watching her choice instead,"

"Huh," Tommy looked up startled, breaking out of his trance, "What, who?"

"Me and Kimi," Phil repeated, propping up on his shoulders to give Tommy a weird look, "Movies? Friday night? Weren't you listening?"

"Oh yeah, oh my bad, sorry," Tommy corrected, realizing what Phil was talking about, "Yeah, so you guys watched her choice?" Tommy asked quickly recovering.

Phil looked at him for a second longer, before going back to his game, "Yeah, some next chick flick, it was pretty shit, but the girls were hot, so it wasn't _that _bad,"

Tommy chuckled, "Good to know,"

"And when I told her I'd rather just make out, she got all mad that I didn't even give the shit she liked a chance, and I was like, give chick flicks a chance? Was she really getting mad at me for that? But when I asked her if she'd give action packed movies a chance, I got her stumped, so we had some good makeup make-out."

Tommy raised his brow, "So the real fun started _after _the movie then?"

Phil grinned, "I'll watch a billion chick flicks if they all ended like _that_,"

Tommy smiled;

"_Lil, I won't watch some stupid movie about a girl and a guy that love each other and can't be together, and 'overcome all obstacles to find their way to each other in the end,'" He groaned, reading the review of the movie with sarcastic enthusiasm._

_Lil glared at him, "That's not fair, I always have to watch your stupid movies with you!" _

_Tommy rolled his eyes, "That's cause __**my **__movies are stupid, they have crazy action and suspense, and sometimes they all die, in your movies, you already know the two people are gonna end up together, what's the point in that?"_

_Lil frowned, "You're so dumb,"_

"_Dumb in love," He winked with a grin._

"_And lame,"_

"_Lame for you," He continued, mocking a seductive look._

"_And unattractive,"_

"_Good enough for you," He teased, causing Lil to stifle a smile and swat him playfully._

"_Hey!" _

_Tommy laughed as he brought his arms around her and pulled her against him gently, "Hey what?" He whispered, looking down at her._

_Tommy could see her annoyance melt as she relaxed in his arms and looked up at him with a slow smile, "Tommy…"_

"_Hey what?" He asked again teasing, knowing that he had her in the palm of his hands._

_Lil didn't respond, but wrapped her arms around his neck and brought his mouth to hers._

Tommy smiled in remembrance, listening as Phil rambled on about his arguments with Kimi, brought him back to a few years back when him and Lil were that couple. The ones that had pointless arguments that were forgotten seconds later, him and Lil that made up quickly, him and Lil that had kisses that made them forget everything else.

_Him and Lil_

Tommy sighed, "I have to do something that makes her hate my guts, and it has to be _bad._"

Phil sat up, "Not again, I hate when you hurt her, and I hate when she treats you like shit after that. I hate being in the fucking middle," He groaned.

Tommy looked up, "You're right, I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be in the middle of me and your sister, its not fair to you. But I have to do this, because I don't know how much time I have left-…"

"Tommy!" Phil yelled, interrupting, "Why the fuck do you talk like that, you're going to be okay, you're going to find a donor, so stop saying that man,"

"Phil-…"

"No, actually fuck it, if you're going to be okay then we don't really have to hurt Lil and make her hate you, if you think about it, so fuck it, don't do it. In fact, since you both clearly still love each other, why don't you just leave this plan, and just go be happy with her, and let her be happy with you!" Phil insisted.

"Phil-…"

"Forget it Tommy, I know what you're doing is really selfless and all, but its fucking stupid, because only _you _will be happy with this, because if you did die, which you won't, only you'll be happy knowing that Lil won't be hurting, but don't you realize that she'll be miserable, knowing she lost the love of her life not even knowing what went wrong? And do you think I'll really let her live like that, and when I tell her what really happened, she'll never be able to forgive you, me or herself, and will live unhappy and fucked up for the rest of her life, _don't you see that!" _Phil exploded, going red in the face.

Before Tommy could say anything, Phil stormed out of his room, slamming the door behind.

Tommy sighed, watching the door, "I understand that Phil, but you don't understand that I probably _will _die, and if Lil hates me enough, she'll be able to live with not knowing what went wrong, but if she finds out about me, then you're right, she'll never be happy, or be able to forgive me, you or herself. I'm sorry man, I'm sorry I've put you through this, now I'm on my own, I'm going to have to make you all hate me. So you won't tell Lil the truth later, I'm going to have to make you all hate my fucking guts,"

Lil throw her phone against the wall in frustration, wanting to scream out angrily as she paced her room, _what the hell has gotten into her, what the hell is she doing? _

But right now, it didn't matter, all she knew was that she hated everyone, she hated Phil, she hated Lucas and she _hated _Tommy. She hated everyone and everything in her life.

_All guys were fucked up liars._

Phil chose her enemy over her. He was her brother, her fucking_ twin _brother, and he sides with the guy that broke her heart and abandoned her, with no fault of hers. He heard her cry, he _held _her when she cried, yet now he stood with Tommy. _How could he?_

And _Tommy_… he fucked around with her feelings, to a point where she thought she would go crazy. She didn't know what to do with how he made her feel, one minute he was holding her close and whispering the sweetest shit to her, and the second he was fucking ignoring her!

And she was so stupid; she's been treating Lucas like shit, taking her anger out on him.

…But _even_ Lucas, why the hell didn't he fucking leave her alone when she wanted to be alone. Why did he not get that she didn't want to make out twenty four fucking seven? _Why didn't he just understand her? _Why couldn't he tell when she wanted to be left alone, when she wanted to be treated like he actually cared?

_Ugh, I hate them all!_

Lil paced her room, glaring at whichever wall she was facing when she walked back and forth in her room.

Lil heard a soft knock against her door, and Lil glared at it, "Leave me _alone!_" She yelled in frustration.

There was a moment of silence, before she heard it again, "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

A few seconds later, it was there again, and this time Lil stormed at her door and threw it open, ready to give whoever it was a piece of her mind, when she stopped dead in her tracks.

_It was Tommy_

He looked down at her, "Lil,"

Lil glared at him, and a little part inside of her exploded; she was about to close the door on his face when he put a palm against it, holding it open, "Leave!" She instructed, going red in the face with anger, "You've been ignoring me all fucking week, and now you have the gall to just come into my house and come to my _room?_ Leave right now!" She yelled, struggling to close the door against his restraint.

He didn't respond, just held the door open, before finally pushing his way into her room and reaching out for her hand, but Lil dodged his grasp angrily.

"Don't touch me!" She yelled.

He made for her hand again, and this time got it in his, and pulled her closer to him.

"Don't touch me," She repeated, but this time it was quieter then before, and not as convincing.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, and looked down at her, "Lil, I'm going to kiss you," He stated.

"No," She said firmly, still struggling to pull away, "Don't touch me! Get _out!_"

"No,"

Lil felt anger rise into her again, as she placed her palms against his chest and pushed with all her might, pulling out of his grasp, "Who the fuck do you think you are?" She asked infuriated.

"The guy you love," He smirked arrogantly.

And before Lil knew it, her palm had landed square against his cheek, a loud smacking noise filling the empty house. _How dare he? How the fuck dare he!_

Tommy just put a hand to his stinging cheek with a smug smile, before pulling her into his arms and putting his lips forcefully on her, bringing her into a strong hold as his rough lips attacked her soft ones dominatingly.

"Mmph!" Lil struggled, attempting to scream, but his lips didn't allow it, and Lil finally pulled away from him.

"You bastard!" She yelled, raising her hand to slap him again, but Tommy just grabbed her wrist and held it behind his back, causing her body to crush against his, and his lips found hers again, his tongue darting over her lips in attempts of entrance into her mouth.

Lil pushed him away again, and before she could say anything, his lips were on hers again, this time more passion filled and firm. He had one of his hands still encircled around her wrist pressing into his back, and the other cupping her face… and she felt like she was going to faint.

He hadn't kissed her in so long, his lips hadn't been on hers like this for so long, that Lil couldn't resist him any longer, and all will power and logic seeped out of her slowly, as any thought or resistance disappeared, and she found her free arm wrapping around his neck and deepening the kiss.

Tommy grinned against her lips at her submission, before flipping them so fast that before Lil knew it, her back was pressing against her room door. She felt the knob dig into her lower back uncomfortably, and it only caused her to attack his lips more.

The kiss wasn't sweet, it wasn't filled with love, it wasn't gentle, and it wasn't caring… it was rough, uncaring, and anger filled.

It was like every unanswered question, every hateful action, and every hateful word was causing her to angrily pull him closer, her nails to dig into his neck and back harder.

They both grabbed at each other roughly, their tongues battling inside their pressing mouths, his hands sliding up under the back of her shirt, his palms pulling at her bare back, trying to press her as close to him as possible. He had her pinned against the door, their lips never separating, as if they've been waiting for this forever, and when that wasn't enough, Tommy began to fiddle with the buttons on her blouse, with no resistance from Lil. When it wasn't fast enough, he groaned in her mouth and tore it open, the buttons falling off the hems.

And in the heat of the moment, Lil didn't care about the damage to her expensive shirt, it didn't even brush her thoughts as she found herself pushing off the wall and causing him to stumble backwards towards her bed, only pausing momentarily to pull his shirt over his head, almost viciously.

But not one to let her have the upper hand, just before he would've fell backwards on her bed, he flipped them once more so that seconds before his back would've touched the bed, it was Lil who was sandwiched between him and her bed. Lil realizing what he'd done a second too late, groaned in frustration, trying to push him back to roll on top, but he wouldn't budge. Tommy kept her pinned underneath him, as his attack on her lips began to move down her jaw and towards her weak spot behind her ears.

Lil groaned, torn between desire and anger;

_Torn between love and hatred_

And eventually, a mix between her love and anger won; and before she knew it, she had managed to do three horrible things

Cheat on her boyfriend,

Give into Tommy,

And lose her virginity, to the boy who broke her heart…

**A/n Read and Review, this was a huge chapter in the development of this story, a lot is changing!**

**I know I haven't updated in a while, I apologize, but I usually review stories based on feedback, and guys, more the reviews the faster the update! I would love to bring this story back on the front burner! Work with me guys! Lol, review! Cmon, make my day!**


	16. Chapter 16

"I can't bear to see my sister hurting anymore Kimi," Phil sighed, sitting on a stool across the counter as she wiped down the Java Lava counters.

Kimi looked up to meet his eyes sympathetically, "Then _why _are you? I know you told me that you couldn't tell me why you're siding with Tommy, and that you have your reasons or what not, but you're _really _hurting Lil, Phil," She admitted, throwing the towel out and washing her hands, "Half the time she's so in disbelief that you would side with Tommy, especially having been there through all her grief,"

Phil sighed; _it sucked not being able to at least share this with Kimi. She understood him better then anyone and always knew the right thing to say, and the advice to give. And he could REALLY use her advice right now, because he was so confused with everything and what was happening and what the right thing to do was. _

"I wish I could say Kim," He whispered.

Kimi sighed, coming around the counter to drape her arm around his tense shoulder, frowning at his frustrated face, "It's okay babe. It's just, I don't hate Tommy, and I'm cool with you being friends with him, but I was there too when Lil cried herself to sleep for all those nights, I was there when she didn't want to come to school because of all the gossip people were spreading about her, I was there during her heart break, and so were _you, _and it's really hard to even think _anything _could justify what Tommy did,"

Phil could still see walking into Lil's room to find her curled up in her bed crying, and then trying to stifle her sobs when she'd realize he was there, the memory still caused his hands to clench into fists. _He hated seeing Lil hurt. And he didn't want to anymore. But what could he do?_

"I know Kimi, trust me, _I know_,"

Kimi sighed, watching him beat himself up over it was hard and her questioning him wasn't helping, so she just slithered her way between his knees to put a hand on either shoulders, "Phil, _I love you_, and even though you can't tell me, its okay, because I trust you and I know you're doing the right thing," She insisted sincerely.

He looked up at her, and with the first smile since sitting there, he wrapped his arms around her waist, _and this is why he loved her, because even though he wasn't telling her something so big, she loved him enough to understand, _"I love you, did I tell you that?"

Kimi grinned, "Not today you haven't,"

"Well I do, every day, more and more," He told her, before pulling her against him, his cheek resting over her shoulder and his smile faded; _he couldn't bare Lil going through anymore pain, he had to do something for her, but what? _

Phil's grip on Kimi tightened and his jaw clenched in determination; _He had to convince Tommy to stop hurting her and just tell her the truth… he had to._

Lil had a small smile on her lips as her head rested against his naked chest on her bed, they had her blanket thrown over them, snuggled close together and for once, after a long _long _time, she was finally at peace.

There was nothing going on in her mind, all bitter, angry, hurt thoughts were momentarily forgotten as she lay with the guy she irrevocably loved, and no matter what he had done to her, what he said to her, how he treated her, it all came down to this. She had just made love to Tommy.

A weird satisfaction lingered in her, she finally felt sort of complete. It was like she had been broken and torn for so long, that now he finally put her together again.

"_I love you,"_ She whispered, closing her eyes as she could feel the rhythm of his heart against the side of her face. Her fingers trailed down the rest of his hard abs under her chin, relishing the feel of his naked skin on hers.

_Finally… everything finally felt right. _

"Huh?"

Lil wasn't sure she heard right for a second, and when he didn't continue, she lifted her head off his chest and looked up at him, to find him looking back at her, with a perverse smirk on his lips… and suddenly, Lil's heart sank, "Tommy-…"

"Did you just say you love me?" He almost laughed, as he sat up, causing her to back away from him and pull the sheets up around her, "Lil seriously?"

Lil felt her heart clench in that familiar painful way, "Tommy, what's wrong?" She asked, almost fearfully, _he had to be joking; this had to be some stupid joke… didn't it?_

"Have you heard of one night stands? _No strings attached?_" He asked her, with a raise of his cocky brow.

Lil's hands trembled as she leaned over to pull on one of Phil's old hoodie's that she always slept in, which had currently been hanging on her computer chair, and her eye brows furrowed together, "What the hell are you talking about Tommy; _this wasn't a one night stand?"_ She asked, almost pleaded, she knew she sounded desperate, but there was nothing she could do about that now, _he had to be joking?_

"Reality check Lil, you have a _boyfriend_," He threw at her, a look of disgust on his face like she was some whore coming onto him, "I didn't know you were into cheating Lil; I'm glad I got out of the relationship when I did, who knows who you were fucking behind my back,"

Lil felt her whole face sting, as if he had just slapped her across the face. _Lucas, _Lil thought painfully, but she couldn't think long, because the sight of his face was hurting her too much to make sense of anything.

"To be honest, for me this was just something I had just needed to do." He explained, as he got out of bed and pulled on his boxers, before standing up to slip into his jeans, "I mean, I _did _invest almost _three _years in you, I kind of _deserve _this don't you think?" He asked.

Lil followed him out of bed, "Tommy, what the fuck are you talking about, this isn't funny and it isn't a stupid game anymore," She demanded, trying to keep her voice from cracking and giving away the fear inside.

He eyed her exposed legs with a smug smile, "But _shit, _I didn't think you'd give in so easy, I guess my first instinct about you was right all those months ago, you _did _turn into a whore," he said amused, "But then again, you probably were one back then too,"

Lil bit her bottom lips, as she quickly pulled on her discarded jeans from the night before, "Shut the fuck up Tommy, you _know _this was my first time having sex, so stop trying to make me out to be this whore, and you're right, I hate myself for cheating on my boyfriend," She admitted painfully, "_But it only happened because I love you, Tommy!_" She screamed, pulling at his arm when he tried to leave, tears flowing out of her eyes and down her cheeks uncontrollably.

Tommy snatched his arm out of her grasp, "It was a one night thing, get the fuck over it," He snapped, turning again, but Lil grabbed his wrist.

"Tommy _stop_, please don't leave now, please," She begged vulnerably, "You have hurt me so much, but I know the guy I still love exists in there, and I saw him that day when you saved me, and you know you love me, you showed me you loved me that day, so _why are you doing this" _She asked, desperation in every word and pain clouding her eyes, "Please Tommy, just tell me, _I want to be with you_, I really and truly do, and I know you want me to, so _please Tommy, please don't do this, don't walk out on me like this, please Tommy," _She begged, blocking his way and cupping his face with her hands as she looked up into his eyes.

His eyes remained hard and emotionless, "Get away from me. That day meant nothing to me; it was all a ploy to lead to this. I wanted to _fuck _you," He stated with a cruel smirk, "Get some of that arrogance you've been flaunting around recently out of you, and maybe even get back at Lucas, because hey, what better way to hit him where it hurts then to take his precious girlfriends virginity, right?"

Lil shook her head in disbelief, as her whole body trembled now, blocking him from leaving her room, when he turned his face from her, her hand pulled it back to face her, "Tommy, _I love you_," She whispered before leaning on her tiptoes and slowly pressing her wet lips against his, her arms wrapping around him to pull at his bare back. All she did was softy press her lips against his, a simple gesture to display her love and plea, before she pulled away and her teary eyes looked into his hard ones, "L-look me in the eye, and tell m-me th-that you d-don't l-love me," She managed between little sobs and on the brink of breaking down, "T-tell me th-this meant n-nothing to you,"

There was a long pause where her pleading eyes looked into his, and his emotion didn't change, and in a way he knew that her heart was riding on his answer, her whole body was trembling against his.

_This was it._

"I _don't _love you, and this was nothing but a _one night stand_. And honestly, I wouldn't care if I never saw you again," He said simply, not moving an inch away from her, and his hard eyes never leaving her wet ones.

_**You've said goodbye and everything is over now it seems, **_

_**And all you left behind for me were dreams, just shattered dreams; **_

_**For you were all I had, the only happiness I knew, **_

_**You went away without a word; you proved your love untrue.**_

And slowly, Tommy felt Lil's hands slide off his back, and he could see her heart breaking through her eyes as she placed her hands against his cheeks once again, before they slid down his face and her hands went to his broad shoulders as she slowly fell to her knees, her hands sliding down his arms until she was kneeling in front of him and her hands were holding his. His eyes never moved as he stared at where her face once was in front of him for a moment, before finally looking down at her when her hands fell from his hands to the ground in front of her, her face full of agony.

_**I see you as I saw you on the day we two first met, **_

_**You seemed as an angel from above your smile I can't forget; **_

_**The smiles that made me think, perhaps, some day for me you'll care, **_

_**The smile that promised untold joy, but left me in despair**_

Tommy watched her for a second, before stepping around her fallen body and opening the door, Lil didn't even look up from the ground as he turned to look at her one last time, his hand almost shaking against the doorframe, before he closed the door behind.

Tommy paused… and his whole façade fell. _And the feeling in his heart that he had just barely been able to hide in front of her finally pulled forward and Tommy clenched his fists; it was like someone had taken his insides and pulled them out through his chest. _

Tommy leaned back against her room door and took a deep breath, _he knew she was breaking inside; he knew he had caused her more pain than he though he was capable of. And she would never know that every second in there had just about killed him inside. Tommy wanted nothing more then to crawl into a whole and die; and a part of him was glad he didn't have much time to live… now he deserved to die._

Tommy felt a tear sting his eye lid before involuntary sliding down his cheek. His fingers brushed his lips, which were still wet from Lil's tears; _I'm so sorry you ever even met me Lil; I'll never forgive myself for today, never. _

Tommy heard the front door open downstairs, and he quickly pushed away from her door and did his best to mask his heartbreak before walking towards the stairs to find Phil coming upstairs. Phil was startled to find Tommy at the top of the steps, "Tommy, I was looking all over for you, listen man, we really need to-…" But then it seem to have finally dawned on Phil, _Tommy was standing in his hallway shirtless, and only Lil had been home almost all night._

"Tommy, _what _are you doing here?" Phil asked, taking a deep breath.

Tommy smirked back at him, "Let's just say, mission accomplished,"

"What?"

"Face it, the only reason I came back was for my rents, but then that bitch started acting up with flaunting Lucas in my face and putting me down in front of the school and trying to get me beat up or some shit," Tommy stated coolly, "I just had to bring the bitch back in line,"

Phil climbed up the rest of the stairs, "What the fuck are you talking about, what the fuck did you do to her?"

Tommy shrugged, and tried to make his way past Phil but Phil grabbed him by the arm roughly, "Tommy," He growled.

Tommy just smirked, "I think your sister needs you right now,"

And Phil was torn between wiping that smirk off his face and finding Lil, and of course, his need to find Lil won and he shoved Tommy away and ran towards Lil's door throwing it open, and instantly, Phil felt the wind rush out of him and he froze.

The sight in front of him left him speechless. Lil was lying curled up on the ground, his huge sweatshirt covering her whole frame and he couldn't even see her face because it was facing the wall opposite of the door. She was barely moving, and he couldn't hear a sound.

_**You never meant the kisses that you gave me, **_

_**I've paid with tears for every bit of joy, **_

Phil walked into her room slowly, every second it took to get to her caused the knot in his throat to get tighter and tighter, "Lil," He whispered.

But he didn't get any reply, as he kneeled to the ground beside her and tried again, his hand reaching out to her arm which was curled up against her chest, "Lil,"

_Still nothing_

"Lil _please talk to me,_" He begged, worry making it harder to breath.

When she wouldn't say anything, he leaned over her to see her face; her eyes were wide open and her whole face was wet with tears. She just stared at the wall in front of her, her eyes blank was agony; her eyes displayed the torture of being burned at stake, but as if her mouth and body were taped so she couldn't react.

_**You made a plaything of my heart, the heart I gave to you, **_

His heart beat faster in his chest, "Lil, what happened?" He asked softly.

_What did Tommy do to her, what the fuck did Tommy do to his sister? What could he possibly have done to do this to her. He had never seen her like this, and that was saying a lot because he had thought he had seen her at her lowest. He has seen her cry her eyes out, he has seen her throw things in tears, she's pushed him away and pulled him into a hug during her breakdowns, she had cussed, she had sworn, but every single time she had sobbed and been loud and just let her heart out in tears. She had never been like this… quiet, suffering, tortured, and in agony. He had seen it all, but never like this; never quiet and unresponsive. _

_And__** this**__ scared him more then anything._

When Lil remained silent, he gently put an arm under her back and another under her knees before lifting her onto his lap, but her posture didn't change, now she was snuggled against his chest, still curled up into a ball and her arms against her chest and her fists under her chin; her eyes the same.

_**You broke me like a child would break a toy; **_

_And it was her eyes that hurt him most; there was so much pain and anguish in her eyes that Phil could kill Tommy with his bare hands._

Phil wrapped his arms around her, and the tears that were still slowly spilling out of her eyes soaked through his shirt and one of his hands soothingly brushed the hair out of her face and he gently pressed his lips against her forehead; _Lil I'm so sorry. I'm your brother, and I went against you to stand with Tommy, even though I know better then anyone what his disappearance did to you, I know better then anyone that you never recovered from what he did, how stupid was I, how could I have just left you?_

_How could I have deserted you when I knew you needed me?_

Phil looked down at his twin's face, and just by looking at her, he could almost feel the depths of pain she was in, like he always could by looking at her, and he knew that whatever Tommy did, it was _horrible, _and he had killed a part of Lil today, and it made Phil's heart break for his sister and his blood boil and his hands ache for Tommy's neck.

_I promise you Lil, Tommy will pay for what he did to you, no matter what the circumstances, I promise to avenge your pain, I promise._

_**The love you gave was like a fading flower, **_

_**The kind of love that lives for just a day…**_

Tommy didn't know how he managed to get to his room, his feet felt like they were a hundred pounds each, and every step hurt more than the last; _Lil's eyes._

"Tommy, you look like _shiiiiit_," Dil commented, as Tommy walked into his room, Dil slapped Tommy in the back playfully, "Dude, you-…" But as Dil pulled Tommy around to face him, he trailed off and his smile fell. _Tommy's eyes were blood red._

"Tommy, _what's wrong_?" Dil asked, concern growing in his voice, "Is everything alright, is anything hurting man, do you need to go to the hospital?" Dil asked worried, "Tell me, please Tommy tell me what's wrong, is anything hurting?"

Tommy just pushed away from him, almost stumbling towards his window that faced Lil's. He looked out towards her room, the blinds were closed but he didn't need them to be open to see inside. He could still see Lil on the ground, _the way he had left her there._

"Tommy, _what happened?_" Dil almost pleaded, "I'm going to call mom-…"

"No Dil," Tommy managed in a whisper, "Nothing's wrong, nothing that I need the hospital for,"

Dil almost deflated in relief, before standing next to his brother, who had both his hands on the window frame, his red eyes staring at Lil's window. Dil followed his eyes and sighed, "What happened with Lil?" He asked in sympathy, _Dil knew Tommy's sacrifice, and regardless of how much Dil tried to change his mind, he understood why Tommy didn't tell Lil. Seeing Tommy the way he had in the last two years, it was the worst two years of his life. Tommy's illness had consumed Dil, he couldn't do anything whole-heartedly anymore, nothing else seemed to matter when his brother was fighting for his life. And he knew that Tommy didn't want to put Lil through that too. Lil wouldn't have been able to take it._

"I completely broke her today," He whispered in a strained voice, "I'll never forgive myself for today,"

"Tommy-…" Dil began sympathetically.

"Please, I need to be left alone, _please Dil,_" He asked simply, and as much as Dil wanted to refuse and stay with Tommy right now, he knew that he had to go, Tommy needed this, he needed to be vulnerable alone, he never wanted anyone to see him weak, or see him cry, and Dil knew that. So Dil just sighed, before nodding.

"Tommy," He began as he turned at the door, causing Tommy to look up at him, Dil had so much he wanted to say and do, so much helplessness, but in the end he just sighed, "I love you Bro," He said strained, before closing the door behind him.

Just as the door closed, Tommy fell to his knees like Lil had earlier, and he let back fall against the wall beside his window, taking a huge gulp in attempts to untie the knot in his throat. His heart was thudding uncontrollably against his chest and his arm wrapped around his waist, his hand against his lone kidney, and his head leaned on the wall behind him, _I'm so sorry Lil; I do love you, I love you so much, more then you'll ever know. _A tear trailed down his cheek and he let it as it dripped off his chin and to the hand covering his kidney.

_I love you. _

Chuckie could feel the phone vibrate against the back of his thigh, but he knew who it was and sighed, ignoring it. _He had been avoiding Angelica all week, he couldn't see her, because the second her eyes met his, she'd know he was hiding something, something that was eating him up. And he wanted to be loyal to Tommy, he really did, but he knew he wouldn't be able to keep it from Angelica… so he avoided her instead._

Chuckie grabbed a can of coke from his fridge and made his way upstairs, a hand running through his hair in frustration, _Angelica already knew though. He couldn't avoid her at school, and every time she looked him in the eye, he knew she knew. But she couldn't ask, because he made sure they were never alone together, and always stuck to their big group of friends when he was with her. Making excuses every time she tried to get him alone._

_How long could he possibly avoid her? _He thought to himself, as he swung open his room door, and his question was answered.

_Not long_

And there Angelica was, sitting cross legged on his bed, her eyebrows furrowed together, looking completely _pissed._

"Angelica-…" Chuckie started startled.

"I let myself in," She smiled sarcastically, "Alright, no where to hide now Chuckie, _what the fuck is up?_" She demanded, "Are you cheating on me?" She asked just as angrily, but now Chuckie could see the flicker of vulnerability in her eyes before they hardened again.

Chuckie was surprised with that question; _she thought he was cheating on her? She thought that was what this was all about, _"No Angelica, of course I'm not cheating on you," He explained quickly, kneeling on the bed in front of her and putting a hand on her cheek, "I _love _you,"

He could see a second of relief in her eyes, as her face leaned against his hand, "Then why are you avoiding me Finster?" She asked, melting slightly.

Chuckie pressed his lips against hers, for one, because he had missed her this whole week, and two, to distract her from talking.

But she wasn't having it, and a few brief seconds later, she pulled away, "Chuckie, tell me what's going on?"

He sighed, sitting back on his heels, "Babe-…"

"No don't babe me, don't you trust me Chuckie?" She asked, her hands cupping his face affectionately, "You know you can tell me _anything _right?"

Chuckie couldn't meet her eyes, _this was even harder then he initially thought, _"I know, but this isn't my secret to tell,"

"Whose is it?" Angelica asked.

"I can't say,"

"Does it involve or affect me? Does it affect you?" She asked, searching his eyes, but he refused to make eye contact.

Chuckie paused for a second, before finally admitting, "Yes, both,"

"Then don't you think I deserve to know Chuckie?" She questioned, "It must be something huge that you've been _avoiding _me to make sure you hid it from me,"

"But Angelica, I don't know if I could say, this person specified that I tell no one, and you know this is killing me right, I want to tell you so bad, but I just can't," He sighed defeated.

Angelica softened at the pain on his face, and she simply brought up his face to look at her, "Alright, I want you to make the decision wisely. Think with your heart, do _you _think I deserve to know, if I do, _please tell me_, and if I don't, then its okay Chuckie, I won't question you about this again, I promise,"

_As much as Chuckie wasn't sure if he should tell her, he couldn't deny that she __**did **__deserve to know, that was her cousin! How could she not know? She did deserve to know, he would never be able to forgive himself if something happened to Tommy, and Chuckie knew that he hid this information from Angelica, and even robbed the chanced of her being able to help him from her. She would never forgive him._

"Alright Angelica…" He paused taking a deep breath, "You do deserve to know, it's about Tommy, and this is the reason he left two years ago…" Chuckie began.

**A/n a LOT of aghast in this chapter :\ **

**Thanks to all the reviewed, this is for you guys!**

**Read and review! **

**The things I do when exams are right around the corner:O**

**Appreciate my stupidity! Lol **


	17. Chapter 17

Angelica sat in silence as Chuckie explained everything he knew and the sequence it all happened in. He would pause between his story to see a reaction, but her face stayed emotionless the whole entire story.

When he finished, his hands found hers and he sat back, "Baby, I'm so sorry I hid this from you, but he, he didn't want anyone to know, and I couldn't betray him, and I just-…" He trailed off when he saw a single tear escape her eyes and slide down her cheek.

"Chuckie," She almost whimpered, "_How could you not tell me sooner?_" She managed as a sob escaped her lips, "_How could you!"_

Chuckie rushed forward, his arms wrapping around her as her face fell against his chest sobbing, "No, he can't- he couldn't have- no- why wouldn't he tell me- I can't believe this!" She cried as Chuckie ran his hands up and down her back soothingly.

"Baby I know, I couldn't believe it either. He didn't want to hurt you by letting you know, baby I'm so sorry," He whispered, tears stinging the inside of his lids.

Angelica pushed away from his chest, "You didn't tell me! It's my _cousin, _and you didn't tell me?! I _hate _you Chuckie, I _hate you!_" She accused in tears as she got off his bed and attempted to make towards the door, but Chuckie quickly followed her off the bed and blocked her way.

"I _know_ I was wrong, and I'm really sorry, but I didn't do this to hurt you, it was for _Tommy_ because that's what he wanted!" Chuckie said in his defence, his eyes pleading with hers.

"_WHAT IF I'M A MATCH?! WHAT IF I COULD SAVE HIM? How could you keep something like this from me Chuckie?!" _She demanded vulnerably.

Chuckie could see she was on the verge of a break down, he could see it in her eyes. He knew her to well, he knew she needed him, and he couldn't let her push him away, "I was wrong, I'm sorry, I couldn't keep this from you, that's why I tried to avoid you, but I knew you needed to know! I'm really sorry Angelica, I _really _am," He pleaded, and when she tried to get around him, he pulled her into his arms.

"_LET GO OF ME!" _She cried, struggling in his arms, but he only tightened his grip as she pounded his chest with her tiny fists, "_I hate you!_" She cried, before slowly giving up and letting her head fall onto his shoulder crying, "Chuckie I'm so scared," She admitted in sobs as he loosened his hold on her slightly, and one hand cupped the back on her head softly.

"I know baby, I know," He whispered.

"We need to go to the hospital; I need to find out if I'm a match,"

"Lil, he's calling again," Phil whispered softly to the curled up Lil on the bed.

She whimpered in response, causing Phil to sigh and press '_ignore' _once again, _she had been like this all day now, after she had finally uncurled out of his lap in the early hours of the next morning, she had slowly made the few steps to curl onto her bed and throw the sheets on herself, finally producing noise, whimpering slightly every once in awhile and shivering under the covers._

_And even though the sight of her was still pitiful, it caused the weight on Phil's heart to decrease slightly. Hearing her talk was like a breath of fresh air, as the hours of her silence had been the most painful one's Phil had ever experienced. It had been almost unbearable to hold her in his arms and watch the torture in her eyes. And as much as he had begged her to speak, she had been unresponsive throughout it all. He had slowly begun to rock slightly back and forth with her in his arms, and was startled when she had finally pulled away. _

Now she was laying on her side, her knees pulled up closer to her chest, and her arms wrapped around them, as he slowly sat beside her again, "You don't know how much this hurts Lil," Phil admitted, "I can't see you like this, you need to tell me what happened,"

Lil shook her head slowly, her eyes still tearless, "Phil," She finally croaked, her voice escaping hoarse and rough, "I can't," Her voice broke, and it was full of plea.

Phil felt his heart clench slightly, "But-…"

"Phillip," She began, causing Phil to stop talking abruptly; _she never used his full name unless she was teasing or dead serious, _"…_Please,_"

Phil sighed in defeat as he heard her phone go off for the hundredth time, this time indicating voicemail, he leaned over and grabbed her phone again, "It's probably him again,"

There was a long pause, before he finally heard her again, "…Put it on speaker,"

"_Are you sure?_" Phil asked surprised, _he had been calling all night and all day, and she hadn't so much as acknowledged her phone, this was the first time she had wanted to hear his message, or let him communicate with her in any way possible._

"Mmhm," She agreed painfully, wrapping her arms around herself tighter.

"Okay," He started, "Do you want me to play it and leave to give you some privacy?"

Lil didn't respond for a few more moments before finally nodding lightly.

Phil put the phone on the side table beside her and pressed play before exiting the room.

_**BEEP**_

"_Hey Lil, it's me Lucas,"_

Lil shut her eyes tightly, trying to subdue the pain of deceit.

"_I've been calling, texting, and leaving you voicemail all night and day now babe, where are you? I have really good news! I don't know when the beep is gonna stop me so I'll make it quick, remember when we talked about going to Falcon Beach this summer up in Canada? Well I got permission and baby, we can leave just as school finishes! It's gonna be amazing! CALL ME ASAP! Love y-…_

_**BEEP**_

Lil let her eyes shut tightly, her fists clenching under her chin; _Oh Lucas, I'm so sorry.

* * *

_

It had been two weeks since the incident. Two weeks since Lil had woken up that Monday morning, ready and waiting in front of the front door to go to school. And when Phil had walked down, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he didn't know what to say when he spotted her. He hadn't expected her to get out of bed, much less be going to school that morning. But there she was; a big smile on her face, no acknowledgment of the weekend. She was humming a tune of victory, the keys swinging on her finger.

When Phil just simply stared at her, she had raised an eyebrow playfully, "Got the keys first _biaatch_," She teased. The wide smile on her lips didn't even brush her eyes; in the eyes identical to his own, he could see the masked pain and anguish, but Phil didn't call her out on it.

He simply gave her an equally fake glare, "No fair, _I'm _a better driver!"

It's been two weeks since the twins have been masking their pain with fake smiles, glares and banters. Two weeks since Lil began to pretend like nothing had happened, pretended like she was Lucas's loyal girlfriend who was madly in love with him… and pretending like Tommy didn't exist.

Two weeks since Phil has been wearing himself out trying to keep up with Lil's pretence, two weeks since Phil has been seeing her crawl into bed every night and just lay there with her eyes full of as much agony as the day he had walked in on her the first day. For two weeks Phil has wanted to cease Tommy from existence.

And there Tommy was, walking around school like he was on top of the world. And Phil had hated his guts so much that a growing part of him had even started to doubt that Tommy was even seriously sick. His words from the night he caught him leaving Lil's room haunted him;

_Let's just say, mission accomplished. _

Phil shuddered, and not knowing what had happened that night was literally driving him crazy. He was having violent dreams of beating the crap out of Tommy, _but he needed to know, what happened that night?_

"_Face it, the only reason I came back was for my rents, but then that bitch started acting up with flaunting Lucas in my face and putting me down in front of the school and trying to get me beat up or some shit"_

"_I just had to bring the bitch back in line,"_

But the problem was, Lil forbid him from asking what happened and even worse made him swear to not touch Tommy. She wanted him not to exist, and even though Phil promised he could do that for her, she just begged for him to leave it alone and not mention it again.

And on the first day, when he caught Tommy walking past him in the hallway with a huge smirk on his face, Phil's knuckles turned white and his face beet red in restraint. It had gotten so bad that Kimi had found him leaning against the brick wall behind the school, his knuckles bloody.

"_Oh my god, Phil! What happened?" Kimi asked in worry._

_Phil didn't respond, and Kimi brushed her fingers against the blood on the brick wall beside him and looked back at Phil in concern, "What's going on Phil?"_

_Phil still didn't respond, but when she stepped in front of him and her fingers had pulled his face to look at hers, she was surprised to see tears in his eyes. _

"_Phil-…" She began in heartache._

_And before he could stop himself he had fallen on his knees in front of her and wrapped his arms around her waist, and he finally opened his mouth about his grief. _

"Phil!" Kimi nudged him lightly, causing Phil to look down at his hand which he had clenched into such a hard fist that his knuckles had turned white. He quickly unclenched his fist and plastered a smile on his lips, throwing his arm around her shoulders.

"Sorry babe,"

Kimi sighed, looking up at his fake smile; _it was tough seeing him like this, seeing him pretend. He had opened up to her that one day, and after that, the topic was off limits. And it sucked because she wanted to be there, to help him, but he wouldn't let her. Just like he wanted to be there for Lil and she didn't let him. _And all Kimi could do was plaster her own fake smile and pretend things were normal as well.

Fake smiles seemed to be the trend, because not too far away, Tommy finally let his drop. It felt like his cheeks were burning with the effort he put in each smug grin or smirk. He could feel his body getting weaker by the day now, and that was the only thing keeping him going, knowing he had to hold this charade to the fullest for the last stretch.

_I'm sorry guys.

* * *

_

The last two weeks of school dragged on, and as much as Lil had tried to busy herself with studying for exams, it didn't help much. She would always be pulled back to him. To all thoughts of him; the good and the horribly bad, and she knew it wasn't fair to Lucas. In fact, being with him still wasn't fair to him. She knew she should tell him the truth, but she couldn't risk losing him… losing her only escape.

And she _needed _to leave, she _needed _to get away from everyone and go to Canada with Lucas. That was the only thing that was keeping her going, knowing she would get to leave soon.

There _had _to be an escape. There was no other way. She needed to leave and see no one from her painful life. Lucas was separate from it; maybe if she left with him, she wouldn't feel pain anymore, maybe she'll be so distracted, _he _couldn't hurt her anymore, maybe…

There was no other way… she _needed _this.

Soon Lil was sitting for her final exam of high school. As luck would have it, Tommy was in that class, and was suppose to be sitting two rows ahead of her. Lil had made it a point to never look up or in that direction ever since the incident, but during the exam, when thoughts of him wouldn't stop clouding her mind and after convincing herself that this would be the last time she would see him before she left for Canada later on that day, she felt her head tilt upwards and her eyes land at his seat, but she felt a wave of disappointment immediately when she noticed he wasn't there.

_Why wasn't he there? Today is the exam, he HAD to come? Where the hell is he?_

_Stop thinking about him Lil, who cares where he is, write your stupid exam!_

Lil looked back down at her paper, and for some reason, now every question felt like it was written in a foreign language. _Concentrate Lil, it's your last exam!_

_But where the hell IS he?!_

"Ten more minutes," The teacher informed loudly from the front of the class.

_Shit! _Lil flipped through the pages quickly, and cursed under her breath when she realized she had one whole page left, back and front! _Write something! _Her mind screamed, as she read and reread the question;

"_Why? I like taking pictures… well your pictures;)"_

Lil felt the familiar pain in her chest, _just answer the question Lil, concentrate! _Lil reread the question, and when it still meant nothing to her head, she moved on to the next question, read that, before flipping the whole page; _write anything! _

"_I love you Lil DeVille, I'll always love you,"_

"Five minutes left!" The teacher warned again.

_Fuuuck! _Lil put the pencil on the paper hoping it would make it flow itself into the right answer; _where the hell is he? He wouldn't miss an exam, this was worth 30%! _Lil reread the question desperately, and began to write off the top of her head,

**Through this whole process, the main character tries to tell Tommy-**

_What the hell, its tries to tell THEM, how the hell did she spell THAT wrong! _Lil almost screamed in frustration, but then it clicked, _she had read this! Just last night, she had read her essay on this, that's what this was about! _

Lil began to write desperately, writing down everything she remembered, she could do this, Lil had this; she just had to-

"_I think I love you…to the power of two,"_

Lil sucked in her breath as the pencil dropped from her fingers. Her eyes burned, and all Lil could do now was hold herself together until she was safely out of anyone's sight. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself, the pain was so great, it felt like her insides were going to fall out, and her eyes stung with unshed tears. The last few moments she had left to finish her exam passed by, and she sat there, her eyes glassy with restraint tears.

The bell rang, dismissing the end of the exam, and the end of high school and Lil could hear a few shouts of happiness around the room, people giving each other props, patting each other on the back, getting into little groups; but Lil just grabbed her bag and half ran out the door, hurrying down the hallway with her head ducked to avoid eye contact and hide her burning eyes.

But before she could make it to the bathroom, she bumped against a hard chest and almost fell backwards, but he wrapped his arms around her, and Lil looked up half expecting –and hoping, for Tommy, but instead her eyes met with her boyfriend. And Lucas grinned down at her before grabbing her around the waist and pulling her against him, lifting her off the ground, "_We're done baby!_" He roared in victory, crushing Lil against his chest.

Lil did what she did best, and plastered on a wide smile, wrapping her arms around his neck as he cradled her against him.

"_We're going to Canada!_" He declared, almost in disbelief, "We're leaving tonight baby, we're leaving! A whole summer babe; just you and me!"

Lil could feel the grief burn inside her, _and no Tommy_, her heart voiced in pain. But that also caused her to smile sadly, _and no Tommy… _

"_Baby, you need to be strong!"_ Didi cried as she kneeled by his bedside where Tommy lay with wires sticking in and out of him from numerous spots.

Tommy gave his mom a half smile, slowly reaching out for her hand, "Mom, they didn't find any matches, none of our relatives were a match, and my kidney is too messed to do any good any longer… there's not much left to be strong for," He whispered, _"There's no point,"_

Didi burst into the barely restraint sobs, covering her face with her arms, "Stop saying that Tommy, don't you dare talk like that! Do you hear me young man, don't you _dare!_" She screamed, as Stu came rushing into the room.

"Didi-…" He began, his eyes quickly scanning Tommy to make sure everything was okay with his son before helping his wife up and cradling her in a soothing hug, "What are you doing honey, you can't break like this, come," He whispered, leading her out of the room, "You need to be strong for Tommy," Tommy heard his dad whisper to his mom out in the hall.

He droned out the rest as he tilted his head up to look at the screen that displayed his heart beat. He couldn't even say this was a surprise, because he had known for months that his kidney could collapse any day, and now it finally did. It had been like holding your breath for so long, like waiting for the other shoe to drop, _and now it did._

And even though for the last few months he had been ready, he hadn't feared it any longer, now…

…_Now he wanted to fight, he wanted to live! _

He wanted to stay and make up for every tear he caused Lil to shed, he wanted to get on his knees and beg and plead for forgiveness for how much he's hurt her, he wanted to move heaven and earth to win her over; he wanted to spend countless years waking up next to her, watching her smile, seeing the love in her eyes, and making her happy. He wanted to marry her and become the luckiest guy in the world, he wanted them to have kids that were the perfect mix of the two of them, and he wanted to raise them with all his love. He wanted to earn Lil's love, to make her the happiest she had ever been… _he wanted to stay so he could still love her._

But he knew there wasn't any hope, because while the doctors had opened up for any kidney donors now for a match and were checking every hospital around for donors as their last desperate attempt, he knew no one could be fast enough and he wouldn't be able to wait. The doctors were trying to keep him alive by any last inch of function from his collapsing kidney, but he could feel it, he had been drifting in and out of consciousness all night, and every single time, the amount of time he was conscious got shorter and shorter. He couldn't even breathe any longer; he was on life support to pump oxygen to him.

_His time had come_

Tommy closed his eyes, and he could see mental pictures flash through his mind, random ones even aging back to his diaper times. _He could see Lil and Phil eating worms in his sandbox, he could see Dil struggling to get out of his crib as Kimi wheeled him, he could see Chuckie blindly searching the grass for his glasses, and he could see Angelica hiding them behind her back._

And before he knew it, he was slipping into the darkness once again…

Lil pulled her sweater tighter around herself as the wind picked up. They were waiting at the train station, and the train her and Lucas were taking to Canada was delayed two hours, so they were left no choice but to wait it out in the cold.

Lucas was a few steps ahead of her on the phone, trying to sort things out at the cabin they would be arriving at while she tried hard not to think about _him._

But it was hard, _too _hard.

_Where the hell had he been today? And why was it bothering her so much. _Lil had been thinking about his absence all day, and it was really starting to worry her.

_Why are you getting so worried, he's done the disappearing act before, and that was half way through the school year, this isn't a big deal. _

_But then why the hell was her heart sinking?_

Lil flipped open her phone and dialled Tommy's number, but before it could ring, she quickly ended the call and instead called Phil.

"Lil, what's up?" He asked, answering by the second ring.

"Phil…" Lil began hesitantly, _they hadn't brought this up for awhile, she wasn't sure if she wanted to bring it up after their last memory with this name… but she had to, she needed to, _"Tommy wasn't here today," She whispered, so Lucas couldn't hear her. Not that he would have been able to from where he was standing and since he was on the phone himself, but Lil's guilty conscience caused her to be extra careful.

There was a pause on the other end of the line, and Lil was worried he wouldn't respond, but he finally spoke, "I heard he's leaving town again, for good this time," Phil answered slowly.

"What?" Lil almost shouted, before checking herself, and her heart began pounding against her chest, "Where did you hear that from?"

"Chuckie told me,"

Lil let the phone drop from her ear and slowly put it back in her purse. _He's leaving?_

_That should be a good thing right? Isn't that what she wanted, to never have to see him again, to not deal with the pain he causes anymore? That's what she needed? Isn't that why she was going to Canada for the summer?_

"…_for good this time,"_

Lil's eyes widened and she clutched her waist; _that means she'll never see him again. She'll never see Tommy again. _

Lil felt like she was going to be sick… like all her insides were going to come out right through her mouth. Lil stumbled back towards the bench and lowered herself onto it.

"You'll be fine Lil, you needed this. He needs to be out of your life for good for you to ever be happy. He doesn't love you. He's an asshole!" she whispered to herself, as she pressed her hand down hard against her shaking knee, but it didn't help, because soon her whole body was trembling.

"Baby what's wrong?" Lucas asked in concern as he took a seat next to her, shrugging out of his sweater and wrapping it around her shoulders, "Are you cold babe,"

_Why was her heart sinking, why did she feel like this was the end. Why did this hurt so much! _

Lil hadn't cried for almost a whole month now, she hadn't shed even one tear over him since the day she woke up with her fake smile. She could do this, she could get through this!

_Then why did something feel so terribly off? Her heart had been sinking slowly all day, and she had a gut feeling that something wasn't right. She couldn't leave without knowing, she wanted to see Tommy; she needed to at least talk to him._

_This couldn't be the end!_

"Our train is here!" Lil was startled by Lucas's yell of excitement and looked up to see a train rolling into the station and she almost choked up.

Lucas pulled Lil up with him, but as he began to lead her toward the front she pulled back, causing him to look at her in surprise, "One second Lucas, I just have to make a call," She managed weakly.

"Do it later babe, once we're on the train,"

"No Lucas, it's urgent," She whispered, stepping back slightly.

She thought he was going to be difficult, but instead he nodded, "Okay, but two minutes, I'll go put our luggage in our cubby until,"

She barely responded as she pulled out her phone and without giving herself enough time to stop herself, she quickly punched in Tommy's number. Her heart was pounding crazily; she could even _hear _it, as she heard his phone ring. But just as she expected, he didn't answer, and she could feel the knot in her stomach tighten, before she punched in Chuckie's number.

He also didn't answer. She hung up cursing under her breath.

"_Lil hurry up!"_ Lil turned to find Lucas at the door of the train. She ignored him and quickly dialled Angelica's number.

Angelica picked up after the sixth ring, "Hello," Her voice greeted, but Lil caught the heartache in her voice immediately, and the knot only tightened.

"Angelica, _where's Tommy!_" She demanded, her voice cracking slightly.

And that's when Angelica broke down…

**a/n long delay, but a long and crazy update!**

**Tell me what you think, leave a review! Come on people! You want an update before school starts? Well review and lemme know!**

**Coming up,**

**Lil finds out about Tommy, but is it too late?**


	18. Chapter 18

"H-h-hospital," Angelica managed between sobs, "H-He has cancer, he found out before he disappeared two years ago… Lil, _he wanted us all to h-hate him s-so th-that-…"_

_No… _it felt like the last ounce of oxygen had been taken from her; the pain in her chest was almost unbearable as the phone dropped from her fingers and she heard the clatter of it landing on the hard ground. But it wasn't until Lucas yelled out her name in annoyance from the door of the train that she finally snapped out of it. She turned to look at him, but all she saw was a blur. Her heart was thrashing against her chest; it was all she could hear, as all the other commotion tuned out of her bearings slowly.

"_He has cancer..."_

Lil closed her eyes, in that moment it was just her alone; _and she saw him from that day at the football field when he had an arm securely wrapped across his stomach, as she had yelled at him, siding with Lucas. She saw that momentarily weakness as he had winced in pain, holding his side, before he had quickly replaced it with a smug grin again._

"_He wanted us all to h-hate him s-so th-that…_"

Lil tightened her closed eyes painfully as she recalled walking away from Tommy at the football field, leaving him with a look of pain on his face, and Phil with a look of disgust. _Now she understood. _

_She remembered his face, the day she had let Lucas plan to ambush Tommy after school._

_She remembered his face when he had danced with her, when he had wanted to say something so bad, but had decided to just walk away instead… the way he held her, looked at her when she ran after him. He was so torn and pained._

_She remembered how he had looked after saving her that night, and how angry he was, and the way he had held her and promised to always protect her._

_How could she have been so stupid?_

Lil let in a huge gulp of air painfully as Lucas grabbed her arm causing her eyes to open, "Lil, what the fuck are you doing, _lets go!_" He demanded in irritation, beginning to lead her towards the train.

"_Let go_," She managed weakly.

But he ignored her, "Lil, seriously, it's just a fucking summer, you get too dramatic sometimes it's-…"

He almost had her at the foot of the door when she finally pulled her arm free, "_I'm not going_," She whispered painfully.

He made a face, "Lil-…"

"I'm sorry Lucas,"

"Lil stop being immature, all our shit is inside; we paid for this-…"

But she never let him finish, because before she knew it, she had back away from him, and when he moved forward to get a hold of her arm she turned around and broke into a sprint.

_She didn't know what she was doing, nothing seemed rational anymore. _She didn't even realize how crazy she looked as she bumped and pushed past people, unable to hear Lucas yelling after her, or any of the insults or looks she received from people around her.

_Because it didn't matter; all that mattered was him._

She was running faster then she thought possible. Pain was wrapping around her whole body, clawing at her so that it was hard to even move. But that didn't stop her; she didn't hear anyone or anything else, all she could hear was his voice.

"_**C'mon babe, I'm waiting for you to notice me already,"**_

_It had all been fake; from the first day he had come back, it had all been a fucking act?! _

_**"Yeah, you got the name right. What's with the pale face, it's like you've seen a ghost."**_

_How could she not have known… how could she not have fucking known? Her Tommy would never do that to her, he would never have done that to her, how did she fall for his act, how could she have been so stupid?_

"_**Well to talk, someone has to have something to say. And I don't, so what do you have to say?" **_

Tears were now streaming down her face, and she didn't even bother to wipe her wet face as she picked up speed with every second. The hospital was a good 25 minutes drive from the train station, but Lil didn't have time to worry about a ride, she couldn't stop. Lil knew the fastest shortcut to the hospital would be through the forest, but the forest didn't have a proper walkway, it was a muddy rough path that hadn't even really been cleared, but it didn't matter. She had to get there as soon as possible, and without thinking twice, Lil found her self making her way into the forest. Mud spattered all over her clothes, braches whipping her across her face as she ran, tears blurring her vision so much that she could barely see.

"_**I know how much you want to, but I'm taken,"**_

_Why, why did he do that to her? Why couldn't he just be honest; why did she get fooled so easily? _Lil was terrified at what she'd find when she got there, but that didn't slow her down, all she knew was that she had to get there, _soon._

"_**So what, she turned into a slut now?" **_

_Everything he said, every word he hurt her with… he did it on purpose to make her hate him, he did it to turn her against him, to make her not love him, because he thought that would make things easier. 'Why Tommy, how could you do this, how could I… this can't be true, please don't let this be true,'_

"_**I don't care about you anymore,"**_

_You DO care about me, more then you should after what I did, after how I treated you, _she had said such awful things to him, how could she have though of him as cruel as he pretended to be? Lil saw the clearing; _there were just two blocks to the hospital now;_

"_**Because I don't love you,"**___

Sobs built into her throat, as Lil ran faster; _I love you, Tommy._

"He… he has- _cancer_?" Kimi whispered slowly as she stepped out of the car in front of the hospital, "But Phil, you never told me, _you never told Lil?!_" Kimi asked incredulously, "How could you?"

Phil hung his head; getting the call from Chuckie an hour ago had shocked him. He didn't expect Tommy to be like this, to actually be in his deathbed. He didn't know what he thought anymore, but ever since that night, he had taken any sympathy for Tommy out of his mind and had even doubted the severity of the situation. That his whole ploy to get Lil to hate him; was actually just an excuse to cause her pain and break her down as revenge for being with Lucas.

But hearing the fear in Chuckie's voice brought him back to reality; _it was all true. Whatever he did, it was to make Lil hate him, and he had been even able to make Phil hate him again through his sister. What better wait to make Phil hate him as well. How could Phil have been so stupid? _

"How could you not tell your _sister _Phil, you know her, you know her heart, she _loves _him more then anything, and if he dies, she would _hate _you for stealing her last year with him and letting her go on and hate him, when he was doing this for her happiness. _That's not fair! _Why, Phil?" Kimi demanded, making her look up at her.

"I DON'T KNOW!" He screamed finally, causing Kimi to back away from him startled, "I don't know Kimi, why was I okay with watching my sister cry herself to sleep _every single fucking night for two years _and not tell her the second I found out what was happening with Tommy, I don't know why I let him cause her pain right in _front _of me and I didn't tell her, I KNOW it doesn't make sense but you don't know okay?" He yelled in frustration, looking up at the hospital.

"_Then explain it, Phil,"_ Kimi challenged, walking around the car to face him, her hand gently cupping his cheek, her tone softening, "I _love _you Phil, and it kills me to see you so upset and torn inside, _why can't you just talk to me?_" She pleaded, "_Why can't you just let me in? _This is so _huge_; this involves so many people so strongly, this is life altering Phil, _why couldn't you tell her, she deserved to know the MOST!"_

"You don't know the feeling of watching her cry herself to sleep every night, you don't know the feeling of being so helpless and watching her die a little more inside every day. And Tommy's only solution was to make her hate him, because if she didn't, then this would literally _kill her,_ Kimi. I can't spend the rest of my life watching her like that, and while I didn't completely agree with Tommy, I did somewhat understand what he meant. This would be the only way Lil could get out of this situation in the least amount of pain. And yeah, it was selfish and immoral, but that's my _sister_, I love her more then anything, and her pain is _my pain; _when she's in pain, when's she sad, when she breaks… _I break too, Kimi," _He whispered, his jaw clenched tightly as his eyes turned slightly glassy.

Kimi watched him, as tears slipped his hard eyes, trailing down his cheek slowly, her heart hurting for him, "I know Phil, I _know, trust me_." She said, taking a deep breath, as she wiped the tears from his face affectionately, "…But it's time for Lil to know," She whispered.

Phil looked up at her hesitantly, "_Kimi-…"_

"Phil, don't take this last day from her, she _at the very least_ deserves this. You need to stop thinking like a brother, put this on you Phil. How would you feel if someone stole your last day with me, put us in their situation, _what would you want?_" She asked, watching his eyes melt and the pain cloud his face, as Kimi put her hand on his cheek, "It's time to do the right thing… _before its too late,_"

Phil took a moment, his hand closing into a fist, before he finally nodded his head. Kimi smiled sadly, before taking his cell phone out of his jean pocket for him, passing him the phone. Phil took a deep breath, dialling Lil's number and putting the phone to his ear slowly.

"_Lil,_" Kimi whispered.

"_What?"_ He asked, turning to follow her gaze, which was now looking just past his left shoulder. The phone lowered from his ear slowly when he saw his dirt covered sister running across the busy road causing cars to screech to a stop, and others to honk crazily as the barely avoided her.

"LIL!" Phil yelled, breaking into a run towards her; _she was nuts, she didn't even notice any of the commotion around her, or the near misses to her life, _"Lil-…" He started again when she spotted him, but he couldn't finish because before he knew it, she crashed into his chest sobbing and breathing in and out heavily, "_Lil_," He whispered softening, barely stabling himself against her force, before wrapping his arms around her tightly, her body shaking violently against his.

"_Phil, T-Tommy_…" She sobbed.

Angelica felt her heart drop, "_What?"_

"I'm sorry, you are not a match," The doctor repeated sympathetically.

"B-but I'm his cousin, a-are you sure, can we check again, _p-please_," She pleaded, _there had to be a way, she couldn't lose her cousin. How could she have not known?_

"I'm sorry, but the results won't change."

"_No," _Angelica wailed, falling against Chuckie, "_Please, there has to be a way!"_

Chuckie cupped her face, forcing her to look up at him, his face streaked with tears as well, "Angelica, you _need _to stay strong, you're his family, you need to stay strong for your uncle and aunt, please baby," He pleaded, "They have opened an emergency call to all donor centers and hospitals!" He insisted faithfully; _he had tried his hardest to stay strong for Angelica, but watching the unresponsive Tommy in there, it was too much for him… he couldn't lose his best friend. There had to be a way to save him. But when Tommy had opened his eyes briefly, it was like he didn't even recognize them anymore. He looked so weak and close to death that it made Chuckie's heart ache._

"H-how, how can I be strong, didn't you hear what they said, even _if _he were to find a donor by today it would be _very _difficult to save him, _and it doesn't look like we'll be able to find a donor today!"_ Angelica whimpered, burying her face into his chest, her forehead scrunched in pain.

Chuckie cupped the back of her head affectionately, trying his hardest to keep his own tears securely in, as he soothingly ran his hand up and down her back, _"You just gotta have hope Angelica,"_ He whispered, looking over her head as a tear escaped her eyes, and he bit his bottom lip to prevent it from trembling.

"M-mom," Tommy managed painfully, the oxygen mask that covered his face muffled his voice so it was really hard to hear him_, "I-I'm s-sorry," _

Didi felt a new batch of tears burn her lids, "_My baby, _you have nothing to be sorry for you hear? We're going to save you!" She insisted, holding his weak hand.

Tommy's eyes fluttered closed again, and it took him more effort to open it this time. The feeling was washing over him again, the drainage of his energy as darkness would slowly begin to cloud his vision and it would become harder to keep his eyes open.

_At least he wasn't hurting anyone else, all the pain he caused his friends, the girl he loved, at least it was worth that much; he was leaving them without hurting them like he was hurting his parents and his family. _

_But… if he could only see her one last time, if he could see that beautiful face, the love in her eyes, and the warmth of her touch just one last time, he would have no complaints. That's all he wanted, that's all. But that's the one thing he couldn't have. He gave up the rights to all those things, for her happiness. _

_She would never know how much it killed him to hurt her. _

_She would never know about all the nights he went to sleep crying over her. _

_She would never know how hard it was for him to watch her with Lucas._

_She would never know why he had to go three years ago._

_She would never know that she was the only girl he had ever loved, and he loved her more then his life itself. _

_But she would never know…_

_I love you Lil DeVille, more then you'll ever know…_

"_T-Tommy?"_ He vaguely heard an all too familiar voice whisper from his left. He closed his eyes a brief smile embraced his lips, _he was imagining it, this is what he needed, to hear that beautiful voice one last time._

But it was when he felt that familiar gentle touch against his left hand that his forehead furrowed, and he forced his eyes to open into little slits, all he could manage.

_And he saw her; she was standing by his bedside, her clothes splashed in mud, marks on her face and tears brimming from her eyes onto the already wet face. Her eyes were blood red and her face was scrunched painfully… but oddly he had never seen a more beautiful sight. It was like a fresh of breath air as his eyes drank her sight in and his heart ached. _

It was funny that the machine monitoring his heart activity seemed to pick up, and if he wasn't lying in his deathbed, he might've been embarrassed.

All he wanted was for her to wrap her arms around him, so he could die peacefully in her arms, all he wanted was for her lips to brush against his one last time, all he wanted was to tell her he loved her.

_But he couldn't. She shouldn't be here. _As happy as it made him to see her, as much as it felt too good to be true, this wasn't how things were suppose to be. She was never supposed to see him like this. She was supposed to remember him with his cocky, smug grin. She was supposed to remember him for his cruel heartless words.

_Not like this…_

"_L-…" _He began, but it came out strained and throaty, so he tried again with more effort, "_L-Lil, y-you-…" _He started slowly, taking a deep breath from the oxygen machine, causing her eyes to squeeze shut in pain, "_Shouldn't b-be-…" _He had to take another deep breath; it was getting harder and harder to talk, the darkness fighting against his effort, "_H-here,"_

A sob escaped her lips, as she fell on her knees beside him, her face next to his as she sobbed in anguish, "_TOMMY, why?" _She begged, so much pain in her voice that the monitors indicated another change in his heart rate, "_Why, Tommy?" _She cried, her face digging into his pillow as she held herself tightly, her insides burning in pain, "I _deserve _to be here, I _love _you god damn it, _why would you do this to me Tommy?_ _I l-love you,_" She wailed painfully.

He tried to open his mouth again, but he didn't have the energy to lie anymore. He couldn't say that this had nothing to do with them, that he still didn't love her; that this wasn't the reason for everything… because he knew she knew. There was no point. All the pain he had put her through was useless.

_She still had to go through this. She still had to see him die; she still had to cry… _

"_I-I'm s-sorry," _He began, his eyes shutting slowly, into barely visible slits, "_I l-l-love y-you," _He managed, but when he tried to move his hand towards her, his chest began heaving in and out painfully, he couldn't even hear the unison of screams and cries around him as his body thrashed with the pain and he sucked in a huge last gulp of breath, a tear leaving his eyes as he caught the look of unbearable heartache and pain on Lil's beautiful face, before he finally fell still.

_To the power of two_

And the machine monitoring his heart, flat lined…

**A/N R&R**


	19. Chapter 19

_One Year Later…_

"Lil, please just come with us today!" Kimi pleaded in exasperation, as Lil scrolled through the channels stubbornly.

"For the hundredth time, I am _not _coming," Lil insisted, slightly jutting out her chin in defiance.

"You can't keep ignoring and avoiding real life Lil, you _need _to start getting out!" Phil growled in irritation, throwing her a look over his shoulder as he rummaged through the front closet for his other shoe.

"Maybe you two need to start budding out of my life… how about that?" Lil retorted with a raised brow turning in her seat to face the couple.

Kimi sighed in defeat, giving her friend one last pleading look, but when Lil refused to make eye contact, Kimi threw her hands up in the air, "Just like every other day,_ you win," _

Phil turned back to the two girls, leaning against the doorframe as he stuffed his foot into the shoe, "Seriously Lil, it's been almost-…"

"_PHIL!_" Lil screamed in horror, and for a moment the whole room froze. Kimi whirled towards Phil with wide eyes of shock, before slowly turning towards Lil is fear as she watched Lil's face slowly turn beat red and fists clench, "Don't you _dare _finish that line." She threatened; her eyes wide and ready to attack.

"Lil, I just meant-…"

"Shut the _fuck_ up," Lil yelled, "You know _everything,_" Lil accused angrily, tears burning her eyes as she made for Phil who pushed away from the door he was leaning on, watching in regret as his fuming sister approached, "_You fucking know __**everything **__Phillip!" _She cried in anguish as she shoved him violently in the chest, causing Phil to swagger backwards and his reflex being to grab Lil's arms. But Lil was too angry to let him hold her back, and she cried out angrily as she slapped his hand away before using both hands to shove Phil by his chest, and this time Phil fell back against the wall.

"Lil, what the fuck man, _stop it,_" Phil started angrily, as Kimi ran over to grab Lil by the arms.

"Lil, I'm sorry, he's an idiot… its just he hates seeing you like this, he didn't mean it the way it sounded," Kimi insisted, trying to calm her down.

Tears were now streaming down Lil's face, "Fuck you, Phil, _fuck you,_" She spat venomously, before turning towards her stairway.

Phil glanced towards the retreating Lil, and he sighed, "_Lillian,_ I'm fucking sorry," He muttered half heartedly, but before he knew it, he found the TV remote flying in his direction, his eyes widened as he quickly ducked for it to slap against the wall a metre from his face; _thank god Lil's aim sucked ass._

"Whoa," Kimi spoke startled by the bang of the remote against the wall, and as Lil disappeared to her room she turned to Phil in shock, "What the _fuck _was that, Phil?"

"_What?"_ Phil asked astonished, "How's that _my _fault that she's turning fucking psycho bitch on everyone?"

Kimi raised her eyebrow questioningly, "_Really _Phil, who are you trying to fool here, me or you?"

Phil sighed, he knew he couldn't fool Kimi, she knows him and how he feels about Lil's situation better then anyone. She's seen him cry after all, and he knows he would never be able to put on a façade in front of her again… she knew him better then anyone. But that didn't mean he'd admit it.

"Well, it _has _almost been a year, and she doesn't ever fucking leave this place," He stated in defiance, avoiding her eyes.

Kimi wrapped her arms around his waist comfortingly, as Phil's eyes remained glued to the stairway Lil had just disappeared from, "Baby, we just need to try to understand what she's feeling, we _need _to," Kimi whispered, running her hand soothingly over Phil's back.

Phil sighed again, wrapping his arms tightly around his girlfriend, _this past year has been so hard; one of the worst he's ever had. He didn't even know what complete happiness was anymore… When will things be alright again?_

Chuckie leaned against the wall behind him, tucking in a loose strand of Angelica's hair behind her ear as she looked up at him, "How are you feeling, babe?"

"Things are getting better," She whispered honestly, leaning into his chest, "Thank you so much for everything you've done for me Chuckie, if it hadn't been for you by my side for this past year, I honestly and truly don't think I would've made it."

Chuckie ran his hand soothingly up and down her back, leaning his cheek against her head, "_Sh,_ don't make me a stranger by saying thank you, I _love _you Angelica, you couldn't have pried me away from you, even if you tried."

Angelica looked up at him affectionately, before leaning up to capture his lips. Before he had the chance to deepen the kiss, they heard a fake cough to the left, causing Chuckie to groan against her lips, before pulling away as Phil and Kimi came to stand across them in the hall.

"You'd think seeing you two tied to the lip for the past three years would make things less disgusting to witness over the years, not to mention the other unmentionable things I've walked in on, in your room, on the couch, in the kitchen, on the counter, in my _parent's bedroom_-…" Kimi paused when Phil's eyes widened in surprise, to which Angelica raised an amused brow, shrugging with a smirk, "In the backyard, dining room table, basement-…"

"Okay, we _get _it, _Kimi,_," Chuckie finally interrupted, rolling his eyes, "And just for the record, what she means by unmentionables she's walked in on, nothing more then make outs," He clarified to the amused Phil.

"And groping," Angelica added, with an innocent smile, her eyes shining in mischief.

Kimi made a face, "And once with Angelica half undressed,"

"You're lucky we hadn't gotten far enough to get some clothes off your brother, because _that _would've been an unmentionable," Angelica teased.

"_Ew_ gross! Shut up, ahh, ewww, _ewww_, I'd be scarred for life_!_" Kimi stated with a sour face, swatting Angelica playfully.

Phil grinned, wrapping his arms around Kimi from behind, "Just as long as you know, _Kimi's _room is off limits," He grinned, nuzzling his nose in the crock of her neck.

"Oh _really_, why is the room going to be _occupied?_" She asked suggestively, causing Kimi to blush slightly, snuggling closer into Phil, while Chuckie just raised a brow challengingly.

"You guys can come in now." A voice said, as she walked out of the room, heading in the opposite direction quietly.

"Well as much as I was enjoying my brother giving my boyfriend death glares, time to go," Kimi broke in, her hand reaching for Phil's as she took lead.

They two couples walked into the white room, the other three clattering against the wall while Angelica rushed forward towards the bed in the middle, "How are you feeling today?"

"Peachy," He muttered sarcastically, in a rough voice.

"You look like your old self," Kimi whispered, with a hesitant smile.

He grunted in response.

They fell into a quite silence, knowing the elephant in the room was present, like it always was. No one wanted to bring it up, or acknowledge it even the slightest, but they knew it was the first thing he thought to ask as they walked in the room, the only answer he cared for, or needed.

"She didn't come?"

No one answered, neither wanting to be the one to say it. They knew it was a knife to the heart every time, and they knew they were the ones holding it. It seemed like he just got more and more bitter each and every time they had to answer him. It was a bad case of 'don't shoot the messenger', seemed like he got more sarcastic and ruder with everyday that passed.

"Tommy, she was a little busy today," Phil answered, with a hint of defensiveness for his sister evident in his tone.

Tommy nodded, closing his eyes. They all watched in uncomfortable silence, not knowing what they could say to make it sound better. The answer was always the same, it came from the same person, and it was the exact same line. After a while, they didn't even bother with actual excuses anymore, there was no point, he knew as much as they did that she wasn't coming to see him, ever.

"Uh, where's uncle Stu and aunt Didi?" Angelica began awkwardly, breaking the quite tension.

Tommy's eyes reopened, not even bothering to look at Angelica, he threw his legs over the side of the bed, sitting up, "Getting my release forms filled out," He answered.

The four pairs of eyes widened in surprise, "Are you serious Tommy, I know you've recovered really, really well, but _today_, are you sure they don't need to keep you awhile, make sure everything continues to run smoothly?" Angelica began in panic.

"Angelica, _relax_, I've been completely perfect since a month ago, they've kept me here an extra _whole _month, to keep an eye on me, and trust me, every _day_ here feels like a week. So really, I've been in this place for a _long _ass time," Tommy answered in annoyance, "I can't stand another fucking minute here,"

It had been about a year since Tommy's come to the hospital… about a year since he was supposed to _die._

So much had happened in the year, the year he didn't- or shouldn't have gotten to live… _and he doesn't know how he's still even here._

**Flashback**

Tommy's eyes fluttered open, causing rays of light to intrude in the darkness that he had been in for so long now, and Tommy squinted his eyes, painfully adjusting to the light.

Tommy opened his mouth to speak, but he felt intense pressure on his dry throat and he closed it painfully. He waited a few seconds before trying again, taking a deep breath and opening his mouth, "_Mom,"_ He managed in a hoarse rough voice, that sounded nothing like him.

Didi who had been staring at him with tears brimming in her eyes, finally let out her held breath, before breaking into a sob as she rushed forward to cup his face with her hands affectionately, _"My baby, my baby came back to me,"_ She cried in utmost awe, "I don't know what I would've done without you!" His mom wailed, kissing all over his face in uncontrollable happiness, "Say it again Tommy, you don't know what it does to my heart, call me mom again, please baby!"

Tommy's forehead furrowed in confusion, "_Mom_," He whispered again, in the same alien voice, "I-I'm_ alive_," He whispered, more to himself then anyone else. _How was he still here? How is it possible that he's still alive? _

"_Tommy,"_ Stu began, and Tommy suddenly became aware of a hand that had been holding his, this whole time, "_Yes_ you are," He managed, tears streaming down his face as he watched his son come back from the door of death, "I can't believe this, I was _so _scared," He admitted, tears trailing down his fathers face. This surprised Tommy, because throughout this whole ordeal, his dad had always been able to keep himself together in front of Tommy, he never once showed any doubt in his son's ability to get better… he never broke in front of Tommy, and he never admitted to being scared.

It took more energy then it should for Tommy to manage a reassuring squeeze of his dad's hand, "_How_?" Tommy asked, his eyes scanning the room slowly; only his parents and Dil were in the room; Dil stood to his right, tears streaming out of his eyes.

"Hey bro," Dil whispered slowly, taking a hesitant step towards him, his eyes glancing at the monitor for reassurance, feeling that this was too good to be true. _They had all been watching that monitor around the clock for the last week, the doctor had told them, this week was crucial; his life all depended on how his body responded to the new organ. They weren't sure he'd make it, the fear of the monitor flat lining at any minute had all of them sleepless._

…_but he was awake._

"Dil," Tommy croaked painfully, his arm twitching slightly and Dil quickly rushed forward, his hands gently took his arm in them, before he lowered his face to break down against his shoulder, tears of pain, happiness, and relief.

"Tommy, thank you, thank you so much for coming back to me, I can't even imagine a life without my older brother always looking over me, always having my back!" Dil began, all rushed and muffled by his tears and Tommy's shoulder, "I was so scared, I couldn't even handle the thought of losing you; I was going_ crazy _Tommy!"

Tommy managed to give him a reassuring smile, as a tear slipped his eye, watching his family unable to pull themselves together. It broke Tommy's heart that he caused such tremendous pain on his family, he had never wanted them hurting like this, he never wanted anyone cry because of him.

But he still didn't know _how he was still alive? What had happened? What changed? _

"How am I alive?" He asked, looking from one teary face to the other, "How long has it been since I've been out?"

Dil was the first to pull together, his face still soaked with his tears as he cleared his throat, "Tommy, it's been a week since you've been out, it was last Sunday when you had flat lined and everyone had thought that was it! It was honestly the scariest moment of my life, everyone was wailing, the nurses were pushing us out, you were completely limp, _it was so horrible,_" Dil whispered, new tears forming in his eyes as he thought back on it and Didi wailed as she burst into new tears, "But it was like a miracle, in those last deciding moments, a last minute kidney opened up, and we honestly thank god everyday, I guess he wasn't ready to let you leave us yet, and they had an immediate surgery, you were hanging on a thin thread between life and death, and even though you should've woken up much faster after the surgery, you're state had been so bad that they weren't sure if this _last _minute kidney could save you. And they didn't tell us you were going to be okay, they told us that it all depended on how strong your body was, and how your body reacted to the new kidney. So this has been a hell week for us, praying every moment that the next second won't be your last. And it was killing us all inside, because they said the longer it took for you to wake up, the less the chances of it working… but today, today when you twitched your finger… wow Tommy, you can't even imagine how that felt," Dil whispered, unbelievable happiness dancing in his shining eyes as he leaned over to kiss his brothers forehead.

Tommy's eyes were wide open in shock… _how was that possible… how did a kidney open up seconds before he died. How was he blessed with this miracle? _

… _he was still alive._

_He had a new healthy kidney inside him_

_He was going to live_

And before he knew it, tears burst out of his eyes as a sob of relief escaped his dry throat, "I'm going to live _ma_," He cried as he mom wrapped her arms around him crying with him in joy, "I'm going to be okay, dad," He cried, his eyes meeting his dads, who squeezed his hand, gulping down the knot in his throat before nodding proudly at his son.

Tommy lifted his arms slowly, before throwing it gently around Dil, "I love you, Bro," He whispered in amazement of the situations, "I love you guys," He whispered, looking at his parents.

**Done Flashback **

Tommy watched as the outside world passed by, as he sat facing his window in the backseat of his parents jeep. They were talking excitedly of all the stuff they would do now that he was out, but Tommy found himself zoning them out.

He had thought that his first day off the hospital property would've been magical, that he would've appreciated driving down the road, that he would appreciate the sight of normal life, the stores he use to go to, his school, the playground he grew up on… but he couldn't.

It took Tommy a year to recover from the prompt surgery, since his whole body had collapsed before they could save him. It had been a long and hard road to recovery, laying in his bed, hearing the machines rumble lightly next to him, the beeping sound from the monitor connected to him, the white walls, the bland food… it had all become home… and his life. He could barely register what colour his walls at home were; he could barely remember how his kitchen looked…

…but he still remembered the way Lil had looked at him in those last few seconds

The way she had clung to him

The way she had told him she loved him

They horrible sound of her cry

_The look in her eye_

It had haunted him in his sleep, it had caused him to wake in sweat for countless nights… _but why didn't she come see him. _ Tommy had watched how a day turned to a week, how a week turned to a month, and how that month turned to a year… yet _she never came. _

Why couldn't Lil come see him, she didn't call, she didn't pass on a message… _but why, he __**needed**__ to know why._

She should've known that she was the only one he wanted by her side, she should've _known_ that he _needed _her more then anything.

Tommy felt a tear trickle from the side of his eye, and he wiped it away with the back of his fist angrily. The anguish had turned into bitterness and anger; he resented her for never coming, he resented her for not caring about him enough; he resented her for not wanting or needing to be near him as much, or even half as much, as he needed and wanted her there.

Everything Tommy had done had been because he loved her. He loved her more then he could imagine, the feeling he got in his chest at even the thought of her proved to him that he was deeply and irrevocably in love with Lil.

He had wanted to save her from the pain, he didn't want to break her… _then why did she break him when he needed her most?_

Why the fuck would she tell him she loved him then fucking desert him when he needed her? 

The car stopped and Tommy looked up to see his house, he got out of the car and turned to look at Lil's house next to him, _there had to be a reason, Lil wouldn't do that, the Lil he loved would never do this to him unless there was a reason… and he's going to find out what it is, no matter what._

Tommy was about to look away when he saw sudden movement from Lil's window, from the side of his eye. He quickly looked up again, but all he saw were the closed blinds… but they weren't closed when he had looked the the first time… _where they?_

Two cars parked in the Deville driveway; Chuckie and Angelica stepping out from one, and Phil and Kimi from the other.

"Tommy go get ready," Chuckie called out.

Tommy frowned, "Why?"

"What do you think why dude, it's your first day out after a fucking _year_, we're gonna _party!_" Phil exclaimed enthusiastically.

"Phil, it's his first day out, he needs to go inside and adjust to everything and rest or something," Kimi hissed to the grinning Phil.

Angelica nodded, "We shouldn't do something crazy yet, but maybe we can get together this weekend for a friends get together to celebrate your miraculous recovery," Angelica stepped in, smiling at her approving aunt Didi.

Didi didn't want him going anywhere for this first week, he needed to rest and adjust back to normal life, but she also didn't want to keep him from his friends for too long. Because his new mood scared her; he was always deep in thought, always an odd pain in his eyes… and it hurt her. She needed her old Tommy back, and maybe once he socialized with his friends and family back in his normal life, everything will be alright.

Tommy found himself looking back towards Lil's window; _would Lil be at this 'friends get together?'_

_Would Lil come to see him now that he's home…_

Or the better question would be… _how will she avoid him now that he he's out and free?_

Everyone noticed Tommy's zoned out attitude, as if he was there with them physically, but far, far away mentally… and it worried them. Chuckie watched him from the side of his eye, his own enthusiastic smile faltering momentarily; _Tommy has been through much more then any ordinary person would be able to handle. He came back from __**beyond **__the door of death, he crawled and inched his way back… but only his physical form was really there. The old Tommy had been forever lost in the last year… his caring and unfaltering selflessness of making everyone happy wasn't really there anymore. He didn't care that it hurt everyone around him when he wouldn't smile as much, or how some of his remarks made his own friends and family take a step back. He had become so closed off and uncaring sometimes that it scared them. He wasn't always like that though, he was on and off, many times throughout the year they did see their old Tommy; joking, smiling, grateful, and happy. But the other times were heartbreaking, when he sat there just staring at the wall across him, pain and anger clouding his eyes, changing them from his usual sparkling blue eyes, to a shade darker and much duller._

And they all knew exactly who he was thinking about, in those reserved and angry moments.

Tommy threw one last glare towards Lil's room before pulling his hand bag's strap over his shoulder and making towards his door…

It would be a lie if Tommy said he was surprised that Lil didn't come see him that whole first week since he'd come home. _Was he hurt? _ Yeah.

_Was he pissed?_

Fuck yeah.

He could barely register the pain of what Lil was doing to him; he was too consumed in _hating_ her. He was so unbelievably hurt and betrayed by what she's done to him… _left him at the lowest and worst year of his life… _a year she could never give back to him… and he could never forgive her for that. He almost _died_, he was pretty much already dead, yet she never felt the need to come see him?

_Who the fuck was Lil DeVille? _She made him insane, he _knew_ he had so many other things to be grateful for, so many people to be grateful for… _yet she was the one illness he couldn't get rid of. _

It all haunted him… especially because of the extent he went to, to protect her. Especially because he had loved her in a way he hadn't known possible. _Why did she do this to him?_

_Fuck you Lil._


	20. The End

Two weeks had gone by since he'd returned from the hospital. He had longed to be home every single day at the hospital, when he had lain awake in the hospital bed staring at the white ceiling, and hearing the depressing beep of his monitor. Every day felt like almost like a year, thus to him, it felt like a century since he had been home.

He loved sleeping in his own bed -that didn't have handles on the side, and was bigger than a single bed sized mattress like his hospital bed had been. He loved eating food that wasn't tasteless, like what the hospital provided. In fact, he had known the hospitals food schedule like the back of his hand. He loved waking up whenever he wanted, and not when he'd hear a nurse walk into his room early in the morning with breakfast. He knew they left it there for precisely an hour and a half before they would come back to collect the dishes. And many times he'd end up skipping breakfast just to sleep in a little later, which he'd end up regretting when lunch was some unmentionable product that they falsely claimed to be edible. He loved seeing his parents and brother around the clock, and not just during the visiting hours that the hospital would provide.

And lastly, he loved the distraction. He could watch TV, he could go on his computer, he could go out with his friends (even though he rarely did that, no matter how much they tried)… he wasn't stuck in a white room with nothing but his thoughts.

… _his thoughts of her, his pain, his heartache… his anger._

He wasn't forced to think of her every hour of the day, now he was able to consciously push her out of his mind. Of course pushing her out of his sub conscious wasn't possible for him, and she haunted him in his dreams. Yet that ache in his chest was always present. He could feel her loss at all times, even if he didn't necessarily _think _of her.

Sometimes he'd angrily question himself as to what was really so special about her that he cared so much. He'd convince himself that she wasn't some princess or goddess, she was a common girl, and common girls were replaceable. There were many pretty girls out there.

But then he always knew that Lil was not a common girl to him, to him she was his princess; there were many pretty girls out there, but he could never find a heart like hers. He could never find a girl that made him willing to do anything to protect her from pain. He could never find a girl that could make his heart flutter and ache like it has never before.

And Tommy knew, he would never love another girl, it just wasn't possible for him.

Two weeks had gone by that they lived in houses right beside each other, and she never once came to see him, or rang, or even email him… nothing. Two weeks since he never tried to communicate with her either. But he knew in his heart that she wouldn't come see him, even in a month's time it would be the exact same.

He also knew there was a reason.

He wasn't stupid enough to think she did it to hurt him, or that she didn't care. Even though he spent a lot of time hating her, in the last two weeks he was finally honest with himself. He would be delusional to think that Lil did not care, his love wasn't that weak, and his faith in her wasn't that weak.

He just needed to know _why._

Luckily for him, today would be the day he'd finally see her. It was Kimi birthday, and her parents were throwing a huge party for her in a hall they rented for the night. Tommy knew that no matter what, Lil would not be able to miss this event. They were best friends that grew up together, Kimi was dating Phil, and their parents were good friends as well. There was no way Lil would be able to get out of it… or at least he hoped. He had been looking forward to this night for a few days now, ever since he found out. This felt like his only hope to see her, and he would definitely not let it slip.

He needed to find out what was so big that Lil did what she did this last year. That she deserted him. What could have caused her to do that?

The party slowly neared and Tommy was dressed up and ready to go in his black dress pants and white dress shirt. He hadn't needed to dress up in so long, that this all felt very foreign to him. Dil had taken one look at him before deciding to grab his gel for Tommy's hair.

Tommy took a deep breath as he walked into the hall hoping and praying to lay eyes on Lil. They greeted Kimi's parents and Tommy went over to hug Kimi and shake hands with Chuckie.

He didn't bother to ask them about Lil, he would find her himself.

Half an hour went by, and Tommy felt like he was suffocating. As every minute passed, his hopes of seeing her seemed more and more impossible. _Maybe she really wouldn't come._

But before he could be too disappointed he saw the Devilles walk in and sure enough behind her brother he saw the girl he longed for. But she looked very different from what he remembered of her. She was thinner, and looked very restless; she seemed even a tad paler. But oddly she still looked breathtaking to him.

He felt himself involuntary gulp, a huge knot forming in his throat. She looked up and he could tell that she had seen him too but before he could make eye contact, she had looked away. Very timidly she said her hellos but stayed far away from him. She stuck to her brother like glue. Almost scared to be alone or too close to Tommy.

He frowned; _there was definitely something wrong here._

Without thinking he found himself walking up to the Devilles table, saying his hellos to the parents and bumping fists with Phil. His eyes trailed on her but she seemed to shrink into her seat further and her eyes remained on her clasped hands, which rested on her laps. The longer Tommy stood there, he could see her knuckles turn white and her face redden.

"Hey Lil," he heard himself whisper, almost painfully.

She nodded her head in response, without looking up.

Tommy shook his head as Phil shot him an apologetic smile, before walking back to his own table. As the night went on he watched Lil from the side of his eye, she did not move from her spot on the table all night.

_Was he never going to get to talk to her at all tonight?_

But finally he saw his opportunity when Phil was up on the dance floor dancing with Kimi, and Lil got up. He watched her make her way to the lady's room and without a second thought Tommy found himself following her.

He knew there was no way he'd be able to speak to her if he just waited outside the lady's room. She'd just get past him without a word. So Tommy had to take other measures to get time with Lil…

Lil stared at herself in the bathroom mirror, pleading herself not to cry. She didn't want to be here, Phil had convinced her to at least show face, in fact he made her feel guilty for refusing to go at first. She just waited for them to announce dinner, and then she could quietly sneak out, just as Phil promised her.

Seeing Tommy had been too much to bear, she almost broke down, and had he stood at her table a second longer earlier, she definitely wouldn't have been able to keep the tears away.

Lil took a deep breath, _just a little longer Lil, then you'll be back safe in your room._

Lil took a step out, her eyes scanning the foyer to see if it was safe for her to make her way back to her table. She couldn't afford to run into Tommy, she didn't think she'd be able to deal with that.

Luckily the foyer was empty, so Lil quickly slipped out of the bathroom and tried to hurriedly walk towards the party hall but before she knew what was happening she felt a hand grip around her upper arm and before she could scream she felt herself being pulled into the dark coat closet and another hand sealed her mouth closed. Her back was pressed against the door to push it closed.

The hand left her mouth and she didn't even need the light to know who it was. She could recognize his touch, his smell… anywhere.

"Tommy," She whispered remorsefully.

He turned on the light to confirm her guess and his eyes stared into hers for the first time since that dreadful day more than a year ago… more than three hundred and sixty five days ago.

It felt like years before he spoke, her heart thumping almost unbearably in her chest with every second, "I _need_ to know," He whispered.

_Needed to know why she deserted him, need to know why she won't see him, need to know what happened… so much he needed to know._

Lil felt like she couldn't breathe, she needed to get out of there, she quickly turned to open the door but Tommy held it closed with a strong hand and his other hand grabbed her arm again firmly.

"Lil, you can't leave without telling me,"

"_Stop it,_" She said between her teeth, praying to god that she could hold herself together.

"Lil, _why have I not seen you this last year?_ I need to know why, damn it!"

"I need to get out of here," She almost pleaded, not turning around to face him, still struggling with the door handle, but with no luck. He didn't let it budge.

"Lil, please look at me," He demanded firmly, "Why are you being like this, I'm asking a pretty simple question, not to fucking invent a time machine here,"

Lil took a deep breath, biting her lower lip from trembling, trying to compose herself, "Tommy," She began, her voice shaky, "You _can't _force me to stay here,"

Tommy felt a pang in his chest as he stared at the back of her head, "Why can't you just turn around?"

Lil didn't say anything, she couldn't manage to say another word without him noticing how broken she was.

Tommy waited, and it felt like a decade for both of them, the silence cut into Tommy as sharp as a blade and it was taking its toll on him.

"Lil, _please_," He begged.

Lil clenched her fist tighter around the door handle, and tried to open it again and that's when Tommy lost it.

"What the _FUCK," _he cursed, slamming the door closed again before forcefully turning her to face him, "TELL ME LIL," He yelled, trapping her between the door and his frame.

A knock could be heard on the door, "Is everything okay in there, open the door!" They heard Phil's voice.

Tommy ignored it, locking the door behind her, both his hands planted on the wall on both sides of her completely entrapping her, "I'M DONE, I'm fucking done being the only one that doesn't know what the _fuck _is going on, and I want answers!"

"Tommy, stop it, let me out!" Lil whimpered, and Phil began pulling at the door handle.

"Tommy, open the fucking door," Phil demanded, "Let her out!"

"LIL, look me in the fucking eyes right now," He demanded angrily, causing Lil to look up. He could see the tears pooled in her eyes, and the pain… he couldn't handle it, he _needed _to know, he needed to take that pain away.

"LIL, if you have _ever_ loved me like you claimed you did, _please_, please just tell me what is it that's kept you from me, what was it that left me watching my fucking door day after day this past year, hoping, and fucking pleading with god that you would walk through my door." He yelled, his eyes tearing up as well, "You've driven me fucking insane, I've wanted to see you, to talk to you, so much that it fucking hurt inside. There hasn't been a day that's gone by that I haven't thought of you. If you're mad at me for what I did when I came back, if you don't want to see me again, if you are fucking disgusted with me for how I acted with you and treated you, I swear to god I would never hold that against you. But please, please Lil, either give me a chance to explain myself, or tell me to my face that you're completely done with me_... But I feel like it's something else_, I feel like it _has _to be something pretty fucking huge that you haven't even come to _see _me in the hospital, that every day that passes it gets harder and harder to fucking function." He growled hoarsely, a cm away from her left ear, "And I _know_ Lil, this is exactly what I did to you, I left you wondering for three fucking years, and I know it completely destroyed you… no matter what my reasoning behind it was, I can never _ever_ apologize enough, and I would understand if you never wanted to talk to me again, but Lil, _please_, just tell me."

Lil felt her whole body tremble with anguish, and she wanted nothing more than a whole in the ground to just swallow her up. The pain she heard in Tommy's voice was one of great anguish. She could still hear Phil knocking persistently and struggling with the door on the other side. But Tommy didn't move an inch, as if there was no one else in the world but him and Lil. And in that very moment, it was true. Slowly the gathering noise of the other side of door, where she knew more and more people had begun to gather, was drowned out from her senses. It was just her and the guy in front of her.

Tommy had her trapped against the door, and Lil knew there was no way she could leave without giving him his answers. No matter if they broke the door open on the other side, there was no way she could leave without giving him an answer. He had her completely paralyzed with his eyes. She was completely and utterly drained.

_She couldn't hide this anymore._

Lil gulped trying to diminish the massive knot in her throat, before her hand slowly trailed to his, and her fingers closed around his hand. His eyes never left hers, as she slowly led his hand to her body and slid his hand up her blouse slowly to rest on the left side slightly above her waist, "_This_ is why."

She could see the confusion in his eyes for a few seconds, before slowly they grew wider in fear. She could almost feel his heart beating loudly against his chest as his eyes lowered, and with his other hand he pulled up her shirt to see where his hand was resting.

He took a deep breath;

_Please don't let it be what I think it is._

Before slowly letting his hand uncover her side and he saw it… he saw a _scar. _

And suddenly… it was like he had been hit by a speeding bus.

Moments went by, their bodies cm's away from each other, she could almost hear his heart thumping loudly against his chest, his face almost white as his hand fell from her body as if he had been burned. Her eyes stayed on his, almost fearful at his reaction. She could see his heart shatter through his pain stricken eyes.

"_No,_" he managed to whisper between his teeth.

Before she could say anything he pulled her away from the door and opened it to reveal a crowd of her family and friends, all wearing the same huge eyes of worry, and Phil rushed forward towards his teary eyed sister, but Tommy ignored everyone as he pushed through the crowd. Dil tried to grab his arm to stop him but Tommy shrugged it off roughly, rushing out of the hall.

"We heard everything," Kimi said as she neared Lil, "Are you okay?"

Lil shook her head, "I need to go after him."

"No Lil-…" Phil began to protest but he knew she wouldn't listen and before he knew it she was rushing towards the door as well.

Phil began to follow her, "Lil, wait for me-…"

But Lil turned around quickly, "Phil _no,_ I need to explain this to Tommy by myself, please keep everyone here, _please_," She insisted sternly, stopping Phil in his tracks.

Phil turned to their family and friends, including a very worried Didi and Betty, "They need to do this alone," he claimed strongly, even though he wanted nothing more than to follow his sister. He knew he had to respect her wish; she deserved to choose how to tell him.

"Tommy wait!" Lil yelled, as he was reaching for his car door, he stopped when he heard her voice but didn't say anything.

"Let me explain, Tommy,"

Tommy walked a few steps towards her, "Tell me Lil, tell why the fuck you would do this to yourself!"

Lil looked away from him but Tommy held her chin and forced her to look him in the eye, "TELL ME!"

"BECAUSE I _LOVE_ YOU!" Lil screamed finally, "I would do anything to protect you," Tears spilled from her eyes but she didn't bother wiping them away, she cupped his face in her hands trying to making him calm down.

"DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND LIL, don't you understand how many complications that can come from losing a kidney, _DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? _Why do you think I disappeared on you, why do you think I never told you? I _knew _you would do anything to help me, to save me… I knew that. And I never _ever_ wanted you to go this extreme, I never wanted you to screw up your health for me_. _This changes your life completely, what if you ever have any issue, you _need _your second kidney as a back up, why would you do this! I would rather fucking _die _than live by taking a kidney from _you!" _

"I would rather live with one kidney than let you die! Don't you fucking see that! Why are you so _selfish_? Why is it all about what _you _want and about _your _love and about how much you care for me? I love _you_, I _want _you to live your life, I fucking refuse to lose you!"

"Then why didn't you come visit me? WHY! Is it because you regretted making this mistake, because even I know it is a mistake Lil," he whispered remorsefully.

Lil's eyes widened, "NO, that is _not_ why, Tommy,"

"Then _why _Lil, why didn't you come see me?"

Lil sighed, this is the part she hated worst, this is the part that would hurt him most…

, "That day… you were barely alive," She began painfully, "They were able to do an emergency test of all of us in the room to see if there were any matches, because they knew you didn't have any more time… and I was a match," Lil whispered with a tearful smile, "And I thank God for that every single day, he gave me the greatest gift that day, because I was able to help you." She insisted, her hand cupping his face affectionately, "But… because of your state we knew we had to perform the transplant right away, and there wouldn't be enough time to take all the safety precautions required for my surgery to ensure we get the kidney to you immediately."

Tommy's eyes widened, "Lil…" He almost chocked out, "What happened?"

"I got an infection," She said gently, "My body didn't react well to the urgent surgery, but I knew it wouldn't, they had told me it wouldn't."

"_Why_ the fuck would the hospital let you do this surgery… why would my parents… _your parents, _let you do the surgery when it was risking _your _health!" Tommy growled angrily, his eyes blazing with anger.

"I signed consent saying that I knew of the likely outcomes of the procedure so the hospital couldn't really say much else… and as for anyone else… Tommy, there was no one in this fucking _world_ that could've stopped, I wouldn't have even stopped for you, I swear to god." Lil stated seriously.

Tommy felt the tears begin to burn at his eyes, "What happened to you?"

"After the procedure, I didn't find out if the transplant saved you for two whole months because I was in very critical condition myself," Lil admitted, cringing when she saw Tommy's hand curl into a fist painfully, "When I was finally stable they told me that you had reacted to the kidney and had survived," She continued tearfully, "It was a miracle, it literally breathed life into me." Lil whispered, reaching for his fist and closing her hands over it gently, "I came out of the hospital about another two months after that, they kept to treat me and keep my other kidney strong, and fight the terrible infection that wouldn't go away."

She saw the tear roll down his cheek treacherously, and before she knew it he had turned around and punched the brick wall painfully, Lil screamed as she rushed forward and held his bleeding knuckle in her hand, "Tommy, stop!"

Tears streamed down his face as he sat at the edge of the curb holding his head in his hands, "Please tell me I'm having a nightmare right now, _please_,"

Lil kneeled beside him, "Please Tommy, don't be upset, everything's fine now, this is what I was worried about. At the beginning I wasn't able to get out of my hospital bed but over the months I got much better and would even come see you from the door. They told me you were barely holding on and I knew that seeing me and knowing what I did would have been too much for you with how weak you were. I knew that seeing how sick I was and how weak I was you wouldn't be able to take it, you wouldn't be able to be strong enough to fight! And there was no way I was going to lose you, even if it meant I had to cry outside your room because of how much I wanted to hold your hand, to tell you I was there. And even when I got out of the hospital, I looked very skinny and pale and I knew with one look at me you'd know something was wrong, and I didn't want you to find out while you still weren't well. I didn't want to risk anything; I didn't want to hurt you." Lil sobbed, "I love you Tommy, I do, and I don't regret my decision, this is one of the best things that could've happened to me that we matched, because I was able to save you, I was able to bring you back!" She insisted wrapping her arms around him tightly, "I knew how much it hurt to leave you waiting for me, to leave you wondering… but I wasn't strong enough to come see you, and there was no way I'd risk letting you find out while you were still at the hospital… I didn't want to hinder your recovery like that, I knew how you would've felt if you found out about what I did. I knew seeing me like that would break you, because your crazy enough to think its your fault-…"

"Lil it is!"

"It's _not,_ it's a blessing for me, having you here, having you well, I would give up both my kidneys if it meant you would be okay," Lil promised, tears streaming from her eyes.

"Lil… I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry for everything I've done to you, I'm so sorry you had to do this for me," Tommy whispered tearfully.

"_Shhh_," She whispered, leaning forward to shush him with her lips against his. Both of their tears still wet on their cheeks as they held each other's faces affectionately, their kiss filling with the passion of their love.

When they broke from the kiss their foreheads remained resting against each others, "I'm so glad we got to have a love like ours, I never thought something could feel like this…" She whispered vulnerably.

Tommy brought her hand to his lips, before looking up at her honestly, "I love you."

Lil smiled before pecking his lips softly, "To the power of two."

**A/n: its been over a year since I've updated this story, since I've done anything on fanfiction as a matter of fact. I reread this story myself in the last two days and had written most of this update a long while ago, I just didn't get to editing and finishing it. I don't know if I did justice to the story, it's hard to get back into the feel of things after being away from it all for so long. I hope I did, and I hope readers of this story get to read this last chapter, if they haven't forgotten about this story yet! **

**This was a very interesting story, with many ups and downs and frustrating bits and Tommy treated Lil very poorly, when I read the chapter where he slept with her, I was a little erked by it myself and the chapter that followed with him leaving her was hard to read as well. And overall, this was a very intense love story to say the least, that's what I loved about fanfiction, the things you can create and write about. I don't know if a love like this actually exists, I'm sure it must but rereading it I wondered if fans thought it was a 'bit much' and 'over the top'. Wow this story was published in 2007… WOW. How life has changed and how long its been… crazy. **

**Well this is the conclusion of this story that I've completed slowly over about 4 and a half years… wow still cant get over that, and I thank all the readers for putting up with me and the long update periods, and wish you all the best! **

**(now lets see if I still know how to upload this thing)**

oh wow a lot of things have changed on the site!


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